So much pain in so many people right now.

[Fay]

Hi,

Maybe the 11 year Sun tilt has something to do with it.  I was reading a thread that was started regarding so many in our lives with BPD or other mental illness.  The last few years I have lived a quiet life.

A man I was in relationship with 5 years ago. Yes, I said five years ago that ended sadly, called me a few days ago.  Gezzzzzz,  So obsessed with me I had no idea.  He said he thinks of me every day.  When the conversation wasn't going the way he wanted.  I couldn't validate what he was saying to me and it became  scary... .   (He has a girlfriend and wanted to go to therapy with me. Just the two of us) to "get" me to see a situation his way. 

A friend of mine, her 17 year marriage came to an end three months ago.  She is out of her mind.  I have never seen her so crazy.  Suicidal and filled with out of control rage.  I was afraid of her.  Whew!

Now, thinking back on these relationships it was always there.  I did not want to see the BPD traits or something else? why?  I have become so familiar with this sort of behavior I "tolerated" it.  I walked away.  I set boundaries    I have no answers really, just dumb founded I could all of a sudden find myself reeling into an abyss of that deep pain they are in... .   My heart aches for both of them... . feeling such a deep pain from something that wasn't really there.  They created it in their own heads.  Saying things about situations that were not true.  It was such a strong belief for them I had to just let it go. Regardless of what the facts were or how ridiculous they sounded.  Trying to make sense of it all.  I can't sleep.

My daughter she moved in.  Very sad at the loss of her relationship, grateful to be here, but has been self medicating.  I let it go and gave it time.  She told me tonight she is going to AA again. She is holding her own and trying.  Still she creates pain with her thoughts of her ex bf.

I have done so much work on myself in the past few years.  Mindfulness, staying present, and filled with love for all.  May sound corny but it works. 


I meditate every day. I send out love to each one.   

if anyone is interested https://chopracentermeditation.com/home a free 21 day meditation series. with Deeppak Chopra. 

thank you for listening

Fay

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[griz]

Fay:  Reading your words was so relevant to my life.  As I reflect on my life I see so many people with either BPD or another MI that have been in my life and have casued me such pain.  I tolerated these behaviors for so long and I don't know why either.  I think I had become so used to it that it almost seemed normal.  Being here has helped me understand that and learn from everyone what I need to do.  I am working on myself daily.  Trying to be mindful, having boundaries and learning to care for me. Funny how caring for yourself could feel so unnatural.

I am glad your daughter is going to AA again and is trying.  I am sure she is sad over the loss of her relationship but it is wonderful that she has you.  I hold good thoughts that she is on the right road.

Thank you for the link... . I am going to give it a try.

Griz

[vivekananda]

Thank you for that link Fay. I think it could be really good.

Thank you for your story. I feel like that little kid in the movie Sixth Sense when he said "I see dead people everywhere" except I see BPD everywhere these days too. I did some sums... . if pw BPD are between 2-5% of the population (different research says different stuff). And every person with pbd has 2 parents, maybe a sibling or two. Then for everyone with BPD, at least 3-4 people are affected directly not including workmates, friends, partners etc. So the population directly affected by BPD would be at least about 15% (I pwBPD + 4 directly affected x 3). And that is very conservative no? No wonder "I see pwBPD everywhere."

I am pleased you are working on yourself and you are able to have your dd with you... . and she is returning to AA. Little steps - two forward one back... . it's progress, it's realistic.

cheers,

Vivek