I have come out the other side much happier and stronger

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi everyone,

It has been a while since I have been on here, from Sep last year till early this year, this site was my salvation. You can read my many posts on here.  I walked out my fiance that I still loved but who I believed has BPD, I didn't just walk out after the first incident there were many, I gave it a good 12 extra months than I should have because I loved him and of course there were great times. After I left I nearly went back many many times, my salvation was distance, thank goodness my parents lived interstate and were a great support as I then was able to get the clarity I needed without be influenced by my feelings. I have since moved away and started a new life and it is the best decision I ever made, Im not saying you have to move, but I found no contact helped me immensely. I never thought I would meet someone nice so quick, he is calm where my ex was explosive, he is chilled where my ex could never relax and he cares about me where my ex was only concerned about himself. I can't believe what I put up with now that I have someone like this, its just easy and no egg shells and that is what everyone deserves, if its hard its not meant to be. Don't get me wrong I still have pangs about my ex as he was very important to me and it saddens me the reasons we didn't work but I know I could never had make it work, no amount of love would've fixed him and I would've been miserable for the rest of my life.  He is now engaged again after 4 months of dating so good luck to them and good luck to her.

I just wanted to let you know that you do come out the otherside and you deserve more than you are getting, Im proof that you can be happier xx

[loz1982]

Hi everyone,

It has been a while since I have been on here, from Sep last year till early this year, this site was my salvation. You can read my many posts on here.  I walked out my fiance that I still loved but who I believed has BPD, I didn't just walk out after the first incident there were many, I gave it a good 12 extra months than I should have because I loved him and of course there were great times. After I left I nearly went back many many times, my salvation was distance, thank goodness my parents lived interstate and were a great support as I then was able to get the clarity I needed without be influenced by my feelings. I have since moved away and started a new life and it is the best decision I ever made, Im not saying you have to move, but I found no contact helped me immensely. I never thought I would meet someone nice so quick, he is calm where my ex was explosive, he is chilled where my ex could never relax and he cares about me where my ex was only concerned about himself. I can't believe what I put up with now that I have someone like this, its just easy and no egg shells and that is what everyone deserves, if its hard its not meant to be. Don't get me wrong I still have pangs about my ex as he was very important to me and it saddens me the reasons we didn't work but I know I could never had make it work, no amount of love would've fixed him and I would've been miserable for the rest of my life.  He is now engaged again after 4 months of dating so good luck to them and good luck to her.

I just wanted to let you know that you do come out the otherside and you deserve more than you are getting, Im proof that you can be happier xx

[Pingo]

Thank you for the words of encouragement, so happy that you have found a healthy relationship!  Calm, chilled and no more eggshells is what I dream of, what keeps me from going back!

[amigo]

Thank you so much for posting this!

I am so happy for you that you came out the other side, and so quickly, realtively speaking.

This board is my salvation too, and I am looking forward to the day I can put a post like yours on here.

[kc sunshine]

Wow, great to read this-- thank you loz1982! And I agree-- thank goodness for this board.   

[NorthLight]

Good for you man!

And very motivational to hear, I hope there is many more like you, for each one it shows that we can all be happy again, and hopefully I can join that club too one day!

[Popcorn71]

Just to confirm Loz's original post.  I am a year out today! 

I feel much happier, calmer and healthier.  My life is a thousand times better than it was.  Even though I thought I was happy at the time, I realise now, there is more to life than the s**t I was putting up with.

I still have down days and times when I feel sad.  I sometimes wish that I could go back to that wonderful time when I first met my xBPDh.  But I remind myself that I was conned and it wasn't real.  I was taken in by a fake.  I can't miss what I never really had.

So, please, know that it does get better.  You will be happier and stronger.  Although I am far from over this, I am better, happier and stronger.  I never thought I'd say that!   

[Tausk]

   

thanks.