Advice on how to protect my kids? Need a family lawyer?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Just looking for a bit of advice.  My wife has BPD and is bulimic, cuts herself, has tried to commit suicide. and is basically the poster child for BPD.  I have 2 young children who are starting to feel the backlash from her.  I feel I need to get them out of this bad situation but because of her shopping addiction I don't have a lot of $$.  I don't want to loose my home and pay spousal support when I need to be the one with the kids.  I am starting to worry for them and myself also.  I'm not sure what to do and where to turn?

Any advice would be great!

[musicfan]

Just looking for a bit of advice.  My wife has BPD and is bulimic, cuts herself, has tried to commit suicide. and is basically the poster child for BPD.  I have 2 young children who are starting to feel the backlash from her.  I feel I need to get them out of this bad situation but because of her shopping addiction I don't have a lot of $$.  I don't want to loose my home and pay spousal support when I need to be the one with the kids.  I am starting to worry for them and myself also.  I'm not sure what to do and where to turn?

Any advice would be great!

[ForeverDad]

One step would be to minimize the financial bleeding.  Can you give her a set amount for food, clothing, etc?  If there are any joint credit accounts, close them and start accounts in just your name.  If there are any joint bank accounts, start an account in just your name so you can deposit your pay into that one and move over enough money to the joint account for reasonable family expenses. 

However, doing it suddenly can trigger an extreme overreaction, known around here as an 'extinction burst'.  That is, set firm boundaries and her first reaction will be to try to break them down.  How she might do that is anyone's guess.  In my case it was false allegations of child abuse.  For others it was claims of DV.  Both types of allegations carry huge emotional impact with the courts and the typical problem is that there are few facts available for your defense since most of the misbehaviors are done in the relative privacy of the home.

Obviously, you want to avoid triggering scary retaliatory allegations, so a good thing would be to build a strategy first.  We've been there, done that, so pick our brains.  Peer support combined with an experienced and proactive family law attorney will help you work out strategies, Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, etc.

However, slightly in your favor is her history of attempted suicide and cutting.  It may not tell the court much about her parenting, but it may be an important factor overall.  Is any of this documented such as with the police or hospitals?  Expect her to deny any bad in her behaviors or history and be even quicker to accuse you of the same things or worse.

[catnap]

Another step would be to start consulting family lawyers with experience in dealing with people who are high conflict.  Some lawyers will do a short consult for free or for a low cost.  avvo.com is a free legal advice site. 

If you could share a bit more on how she is affecting the children--which will be the main concern of the court--it will be easier for the members here to share and advise.  For instance, is she cutting herself when she is alone with the children?

[momtara]

You've come to the right place.  Definitely stay on here a bit and be careful before you do anything legal that will make you come back at you.  As the dads here can tell you, early orders can end up sticking, so right off the bat, you're going to want to know what to do to protect yourself.

Courts put up with a lot, but they don't like if someone is suicidal and watching kids alone.  So see if you can gather some proof of that.

Don't have time to write more now, but definitely consider your options.  You can get free advice from lawyers at avvo.com.