Ive been engaged to to fiance for 11 months,we dont live together.we live in a culture where families are included in marriages,they have a huge part in setting them up,there are even lots of arranged marriages. I live in india... .women are supposed to keep their reputation here or be known as damaged goods...
6 months back uBPDSO got it in his head that i was cheating on him,that could have ruined my life,he recorded a phone call of mine and played it for his parents to prove i was cheating,his parents realized he was over reacting,got in touch with my parents and apologized.he resents so much for being proved wrong that he refuses to believe i wasnt having an affair (it was proven to him with paper evidence) (ugh) still indirectly remarks about how i innocently managed to cheat everyone,how my family all lied to him and how i turned everyone against him.
Ever since then,ive added a software to my phone that automatically records calls just to be safe in case he again tried it.today he somehow found out i had it,asked me innocently to get my phone... .i got a hunch that something was up,i remembered the application,and while i was deleting it he started messaging and calling NONSTOP so i could not make any changes to my phone (he was in my house at that time) i went back,he took my phone to 'show me an application' went through everything unashamedly, with me sitting across him and knowing i knew what he was doing,i asked for my phone back,tried to take it from him,he resisted and he made me try to pry the thing out,then he swung it out of reach.he confronted me,said he was taking it as a joke its wasnt a big deal,then he got more and more serious,at one point raised his voice until i reminded him that he was in my house (i live with family) he said i was letting others listen to our conversations,someone in my family was planning against him.i said i did just what he did to feel safe,that i wouldnt do what he had done with my recording,but after the drama he had created,i had to cover my back.
He was deaf to everything,said to my face for the first time 'shame on you' i wanted to slap him,but i couldnt be impolite,he was a bloody guest and my family is careful about these things.
Weve been through hell in the months we've been engaged,but not once has he said he wants to break up,he went home,cool as a cucumber,and said that i probably knew what he wanted now,i said do you want to end the r/s. His only reply was 'you bet'
He wouldnt call or pick saying i was recording him,verbally abused me,said that he didnt want to be with someone like me,not for a single moment
I had forgotten about the recording application,he had known by looking at my phone for two weeks about the application and had been loving,supportive,in his idealization phase,only last night telling me that i was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
Anyway... .i apologized,but reminded him of how he had almost tried to ruin and played my phone call for his parents ,though i didnt understand why only today he had went completely berserk after knowing for two weeks.
He verbally abused me a little more, i got angry and got to the business of breaking up,i became very serious and asked him how he was going to do it and when would he talk to his parents(this is india... marriages happen and unhappen with involvement of 'elders'.its complicated,but that is not the issue...
) when i said this, he immediately said 'whenever you tell me to end it i will' i was extremely angry and felt humiliated by then.i said 'should i talk to my parents?' He said 'i'll tell you when to do that some day,dont msg or call me again,this is my last msg,msg me when you want to end things,i was so frustrated that he was acting as if i wanted to break up and not him and i reminded him of that,to which he said 'you can keep blabbering and saying ___ but now i know what you are now its too late' yeah like i was dying for his forgiveness.
it was going around in circles, i did not text after that
I know i should kick him away,but im at a sort of low point in my life, where im not ready for break ups ornew relationships or anything,i dont know what to do and i dont know what he will do.what should i do?
Thanks for reading the long post.
