Kids starting to set own boundaries

[Cmjo]

Yesterday D12 reacted in a way she has never before to her Dads actions.

Let me back track and explain briefly... .i got back from holiday with kids on Monday. I separated from uBPD two years ago and moved out. He has never accepted my decision and for most of this year refuses to speak to me or even reply to my lawyer. We have no plans in place for the holidays, the kids were with me for three weeks so I assumed, that they would spend the next week at least, staying at his house.

I went to see him on Tuesday begging him to talk, to try and have communication, to talk about the kids, to talk as friends. He asked if there was hope for us and I said I dont know and would only know if he makes radical changes and gets help. From then back to silence, no response to messages, not answering ohone to me and worse... .the kids are staying with him and told me that from Wednesday on he has gone into depression and then the anger phase. He is aggressive rude uncooperative with them as well.

I went out with S10 yesterday. He said he is sad about his dad. He said his dad told him he is in this way because I said I am never going back. i told m thats not true, thats not what I said. S10 was very pensive and sad. He has stayed with his best friend for the last two nights, hes having a great time there and its a good distraction.

D12 rang me to say he had shouted at her, said all the worst swear words in the world, told her she is useless, dirty and lots of horrid things, and thrown something at her, then left for work leaving her alone.

I picked her up and she came to my house. We have a good loving relationship and she feels safe. A friend of mine was there and talking about star signs said Virgos are very closed, wont open up. D 12 said I know someone like that, and knowing who she meant, I looked at her, just stunned that she is maturing and is starting to understand.

Her Dad rang in the evening and was talking about how they would spend his birthday, which is today. The phone was on speaker so I heard the whole conversation... .

She said "what after all the swear words you said to me? You said I had failed in all my subjects in school which is absolutely untrue. I am doing fine. I will never forgive you for the things you said. You cant speak to me like that". When she put the ohone down I said, darling, I think you are a strong person, you are learning to put your foot down and you dont take any c$@p! She looked at me and broke out in a big grin.

[momtara]

It's a very tough thing for a kid to do.  Much tougher than we realize.  It's good she's catching on, though.

I was wondering how you're doing.  My exH wants to get back together too.  Soemtimes I foolishly think it may happen.  He's in counseling.  But when he gets triggered, he gets so aaaangry.  I wish his doctors would acknowledge his BPD, which they don't.