Don't even know where to start...

[loveandcare]

Hello!

I have been lurking and reading the boards for several weeks now, and finally realized that I couldn't post anything because I hadn't posted an introduction! DOH! 

Anyway - we have a 14yr old BPD DD. I have suspected BPD for about a year but any formal DX has been hampered by depression and social anxiety (which she also has) so those become the primary DX at her age, since most docs are loathe to DX BPD under 18, as I'm sure you all know. She is currently hospitalized for a suicide attempt - her 4th in as many weeks. Her insight into her own behavior is minimal, if not zero, and she does not see the gravity of her actions. For example, in the ER she considered the RNs helping her (and following the usual procedures in an attempted suicide situation) as "being soo dramatic"... .completely failing to see why we were there and her role in the entire drama.

It is frustrating and heartbreaking all in one! I have suggested BPD to several docs, but they have all poo-pooed it. Her current therapist seemed very open to the idea though, but most importantly her Psych in hospital spoke with me today and said he thought that is what she has. OK, I'm not happy about her having *any* mental illness, but I am happy that someone has finally seen what I have been saying nall nalong rather than throw about the usual DX such as bi-polar (which she definately does not have) and other such things. So, the point is, we can now start formulating a plan of action to get her the help she needs.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[loveandcare]

HI - I finally figured out how to post here... .

Anyway - parent of 14y/o BPD DD, currently in hospital after 5th suicide attempt, 4 of which have been in the last 3/4 weeks. All because of "abandonement" issues. First one was a bust up with a friend, made worse because she also has social anxiety and has few friends. 3 came together because of not being able to see a BF. Last one was because he dumped her. Second time in hospital within a month.

I have noticed depression and moods creep up on us, getting worse, since about 12 y/o. I put it down to teenage stuff at the start, but it got worse and worse, and we eventually sought help (T and Pysch/meds)... .not much changed, in fact it got worse, especially since involved with this guy.

Trying to describe daily life with a BPD teen is almost impossible... .like trying to capture feathers in a windstorm. Every time we blinked something was happening. It is exhusting. Lying, stealing, impulsive and risk takling behavior, lack of insight, lack of desire to help herself, dissociation, rapid mood changes, frantic reaction to abandonment by guys (although she doesnt seem to care about abandoning us as her parents/home). The vicious words are beyond belief sometimes. She told me she doesn't love me and never has she has "just been pretending my whole life so you'll give me things"... .as a ratrional adult I can shrug this off, of course, but day in, day out, it can become very hurtful.

[Kwamina]

Hi  loveandcare 

Thanks for this introduction and welcome to our online community. I was a 'lurker' too so I know what it's like  But on a more serious note, I am very sorry you are experiencing all these difficulties with your daughter. She's still very young and it must be very hard for you to go through these suicide attempts all the time. You've suspected BPD for awhile now so you probably already know that many people with BPD have huge abandonment issues. Many doctors are indeed very reluctant to diagnose such young children with BPD. It (unfortunately) is also quite common that people with BPD get misdiagnosed as bipolar. How is your daughter doing now? Is she still in hospital? You say her current therapist agrees with you that she probably has BPD, what kind of treatment/therapy is she getting now?

[loveandcare]

She is currently in hospital and will be for a few more days at least. Beyond that, they are going to put together a plan of action, so to speak, that gives her intensive therapy. I have requested DBT, as well as ongoing counseling and meds etc. Her current T listened to me explain I thought she had BPD, but hasn't DX herself. The informative DX came from the hospital Psych when I spoke to him over the phone yesterday. I also mentioned today to her SW and said I thought that was what it was.

The abandonment issues, for sure. They were the triggers for suicide. She had separation anxiety from us as a younger child. Now she hates us a lot of the time, but of course I am aware she is also going thru the usual teenage stuff too which makes everything worse.