Should I give up the idea of possible BPD recovery?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm confused, angry and sad.

I battled so much for him to seek therapy. He says he really wants to, although excluding me totally from it (he's always said that it was "for our baby" and that he's going to see the therapist that his sister advised). It's not to help keep our relationship and family together, no way. That would be too big a proof of love I guess. Or trust. Or whatever.

Anyway, what confuses me most is that the association I used to have contact with was a lot more optimistic than what I read here. I'm not saying it was better and I have to admit what I read here reflects the harsh reality, with no soft words or nice packaging. Just truth, and what I read is exactly what I feel.

I'd been reading for months about therapies "that work" and recovered BPDs, and being strong in the storm and supporting my poor PBD who suffers a lot more than me because of his distorted emotions and thoughts. Yes indeed, I've been putting my own feelings on the second level too long.

Still.

If we managed to live what we lived, it was only thanks to my hope, my patience, my trust in his progress (and he did progress for some months), his determination to change things after baby was born (as he keeps mentioning this as the reason for distrust today), and a lot because I learnt not to take his moods, rejection and attacks personally.

Tomorrow, I'm joining this association talk group for the first time. I NEED to know if there is ANY hope at all. And where it resides.

I don't want to keep believing in Santa. But I don't want to paint everything black exagerately either.

Hang on a minute though... .I'm not saying I want to start a new cycle.

I AM moving away from him. I started doing all the necessary material things in July, in order to regain financial independance and freedom. This will never change. And I need to heal my wounds. And I have no idea if trust could be rebuilt again on my part. Or it will take ages and loads of ACTIONS (not words only) to get rebuilt.

But I wonder if I can try to preserve some kind of trust between us (especially with the kids in between - our baby and my daughter), and leave a tiny door open for a different relationship.

He keeps talking about a job in a different region... .I read on this website that believing in a long distance relationship is an illusion... .but I've heard of BP/nons couples surviving this way (with crisis though).

Should I make him understand that we "might" be together again one day WITH THERAPY?

Or is this is just a twisted way that my addicted brain has found to hand on some more?

Is this dangerous?

[Indyan]

I'm confused, angry and sad.

I battled so much for him to seek therapy. He says he really wants to, although excluding me totally from it (he's always said that it was "for our baby" and that he's going to see the therapist that his sister advised). It's not to help keep our relationship and family together, no way. That would be too big a proof of love I guess. Or trust. Or whatever.

Anyway, what confuses me most is that the association I used to have contact with was a lot more optimistic than what I read here. I'm not saying it was better and I have to admit what I read here reflects the harsh reality, with no soft words or nice packaging. Just truth, and what I read is exactly what I feel.

I'd been reading for months about therapies "that work" and recovered BPDs, and being strong in the storm and supporting my poor PBD who suffers a lot more than me because of his distorted emotions and thoughts. Yes indeed, I've been putting my own feelings on the second level too long.

Still.

If we managed to live what we lived, it was only thanks to my hope, my patience, my trust in his progress (and he did progress for some months), his determination to change things after baby was born (as he keeps mentioning this as the reason for distrust today), and a lot because I learnt not to take his moods, rejection and attacks personally.

Tomorrow, I'm joining this association talk group for the first time. I NEED to know if there is ANY hope at all. And where it resides.

I don't want to keep believing in Santa. But I don't want to paint everything black exagerately either.

Hang on a minute though... .I'm not saying I want to start a new cycle.

I AM moving away from him. I started doing all the necessary material things in July, in order to regain financial independance and freedom. This will never change. And I need to heal my wounds. And I have no idea if trust could be rebuilt again on my part. Or it will take ages and loads of ACTIONS (not words only) to get rebuilt.

But I wonder if I can try to preserve some kind of trust between us (especially with the kids in between - our baby and my daughter), and leave a tiny door open for a different relationship.

He keeps talking about a job in a different region... .I read on this website that believing in a long distance relationship is an illusion... .but I've heard of BP/nons couples surviving this way (with crisis though).

Should I make him understand that we "might" be together again one day WITH THERAPY?

Or is this is just a twisted way that my addicted brain has found to hand on some more?

Is this dangerous?