"Dark Cloud" feeling

[AlwaysForgiving]

Ok, I've been thinking about this a lot lately and i wanted to know if anybody had a similar experience.

The last time I really saw my exBPD, I really felt like I could literally see a dark cloud hanging over her head. There was something about her presence... .she was giving off this aura of pitch blackness. I could see and feel it radiating off of her. It was very bizarre.

I'm not really into any new age stuff like astral projections, auras or energies, but this felt very palpable and it something I experienced before when she was at her darkest time. And I have never experienced this with anybody else though.

I explained my feeling to a friend who used to work with my exBPD and spent a lot of time with her and she knew exactly what I was talking about right away. So, not just me... .

Anyone else get that feeling?

[SpringInMyStep]

YES! I mean I couldn't see it literally, but I felt it. The way she carries herself, the look in her eyes, the way she hangs her head and can't make eye contact all of the time, her poor hygiene, the way she talks about herself more than anything else... .it's definitely icky. We sat in my living room together and I thought to myself "this is what life was like when she lived here... .every day... .just sitting here wrapped up in her weird world".

After being NC for a while, that certainly felt different.

I think maybe we should just be happy we're out of it?

[Mr Hollande]

I never saw it physically but I certainly felt it both when we were together and when we weren't. She's long gone now but I still feel it. It's a different shape now but it's there.

[freedom33]

Yes! In her good days/periods she would look like 20 years old and with the enthusiasm and aura of a teenager. In her bad days she would radiate this hollow darkness and look like a 50+ yr old witch. She was actually mid 30s. This is not in my head - I have photos that prove it. In our honeymoon she was looking like a hot 16 year old. When I went no contact with her for a month and saw her afterwards she just looked terrible - and as if there so much tension and suffering underneath - Looked like an old woman. I felt pity for her... .

[Mr Hollande]

In her good days/periods she would look like 20 years old and with the enthusiasm and aura of a teenager. In her bad days she would radiate this hollow darkness and look like a 50+ yr old witch.

Man this rings a bell. We had a long distance relationship so we'd sometimes be apart for quite long periods and I would be almost shocked by her transformations. I recently found three photos on an SD card that I took of her the last time she was here. Before deleting them in disgust I was knocked back by how old and haggard she looked. Nothing like the Sharleen Spiteri lookalike I had fallen in love with 5 years earlier.

[freedom33]

I just looked up who Sharleen Spiteri is in wikipedia. I noticed two things she is gorgeous like your ex's good days and she has the same birthday as my ex aaaaaaaaahhhhh! Run for the hills

[Mr Hollande]

Woops! Sorry! 

[purpleavocado]

YES. Actually her nickname with my best friend and I was "The Dark Cloud." It's strange how similar they can be... .

[AlwaysForgiving]

Yes! In her good days/periods she would look like 20 years old and with the enthusiasm and aura of a teenager. In her bad days she would radiate this hollow darkness and look like a 50+ yr old witch. She was actually mid 30s. This is not in my head - I have photos that prove it. In our honeymoon she was looking like a hot 16 year old. When I went no contact with her for a month and saw her afterwards she just looked terrible - and as if there so much tension and suffering underneath - Looked like an old woman. I felt pity for her... .

Yes, same here! My exBPD is a very beautiful woman. But, on her "dark" days, she looks like she ages about 10 years, her eyes blacken, she breaks out and her gray hairs pop. It's eerie seeing so many similar situations... .

[borderdude]

This happends with my ex, when she switches to her other persona, wich I believe is the inner child, she get a strange energy about her, her face changes character , there is change in her eyes, hard to decribe, but as an empath, I recieve these energies rapidly.


My first BPD ex, had a sort of radar, 1st time we encountered I was not known about BPD, but my gut feeling gave me an impression about an inner radar scanned every aspect of me. She later on took the form of my dream woman witch got me hooked.

[freedom33]

Talking about the inner child... . I remember in bed very few times she changed to this inner child mode and it was just like making love to a young teenage girl. That was quite refreshing to her usual mode which would be the queen/witch type not connecting and trying to be in control all the time (angry child?) or the occasional detached protector when she wouldn't engage and it would be almost like making love to a acting corpse. I sensed her power struggle in bed from the start and I told her cryptically after one time we had sex in month 2 'where power is, love is not'. It went in from one ear and got out from the other... .

[borderdude]

Talking about the inner child... . I remember in bed very few times she changed to this inner child mode and it was just like making love to a young teenage girl. That was quite refreshing to her usual mode which would be the queen/witch type not connecting and trying to be in control all the time. I sensed her power struggle in bed from the start and I told her cryptically after one time we had sex in month 2 'where power is, love is not'. It went in from one ear and got out from the other... .

In my case it was a 5yo girl, I did never try sex with her, as i do not have sex with  children , whatever body they are located in.

[freedom33]

Hers could have been younger too - maybe even 10-11. Does that make me pedophile? 

[borderdude]

Well mine could have been younger too. Does that make me pedophile?

No i do not think so. But I did relate to two personalities , 5yo and 25yo. They where as real as they could be in one body. In my case I could not do it.

[borderdude]

THE 5YO spoke with with the voice of an 5yo, and as a 5yo , acted like a 5yo ... .


She draw something of a painting, I thought a little girl 5yo had been there a done it, she admitted it was her ... .

[freedom33]

Yours sounds like she may had multiple personality disorder. Mine did not act like a 5 year old or talk like a 5 yr old in bed. That would have been creepy. Mostly it would be a witchy, queeny porny side that I 'd get. But as I said on a few times (maybe 2 or three) she was emanating a freshness and a pure, angelic, untouched aura. That was at the start. During honeymoon stage that lasted 2 months. I never saw that face again after she first painted me black and I did ended up staying with her on and off for 14 months. After you go black they don't come back... .

[borderdude]

Yours sounds like she may had multiple personality disorder. Mine did not act like a 5 year old or talk like a 5 yr old in bed. That would have been creepy. Mostly it would be a witchy, queeny porny side that I 'd get. But as I said on a few times (maybe 2 or three) she was emanating a freshness and a pure, angelic, untouched aura. That was at the start. During honeymoon stage that lasted 2 months. I never saw that face again after she first painted me black and I did ended up staying with her on and off for 14 months. After you go black they don't come back... .

The last ex also had multiple , but more structure, those personas where more different aspects of the same person. She blacked me, but did try to get closer to me after a while. I maintained no contact.

She is not a beauty anymore , 4 kids 40yo, smoking, drinking , a hard life, not that smart etc, take no responsability towards others, barely minimum support for her kids, she always runs to get her new bf laid, when he needs it, so she can have her relationship status on facebook.

[Bak86]

Yeah my exgf looks terrible now. She has a hollow soulless look in her eyes, has poor hygiene, looks miserable and depressed, snaps at people. A very very bad vibe indeed. I sometimes wonder what i ever saw in her 

[Bak86]

Yes! In her good days/periods she would look like 20 years old and with the enthusiasm and aura of a teenager. In her bad days she would radiate this hollow darkness and look like a 50+ yr old witch. She was actually mid 30s. This is not in my head - I have photos that prove it. In our honeymoon she was looking like a hot 16 year old. When I went no contact with her for a month and saw her afterwards she just looked terrible - and as if there so much tension and suffering underneath - Looked like an old woman. I felt pity for her... .

Did we date the same woman? 

[borderdude]

Yeah my exgf looks terrible now. She has a hollow soulless look in her eyes, has poor hygiene, looks miserable and depressed, snaps at people. A very very bad vibe indeed. I sometimes wonder what i ever saw in her  

You saw yourself, mirrored.


She basically got two interests... .playing facebook games , and making her bf happy. This is priority 1.