dd19 - BPD with depression, anxiety, aspergers; also nonbinary trans; isolates

[Need2Help]

Well.  I won't repeat everything that I put in my new member intro, but I went through a period 9 months of no contact with my child.  Then, we began to talk and text but did not see each other because we were 10 hours apart.  Later, she stayed with me in the summer before her senior year and before college.  After a meltdown in college, she called me to come and get her, and to get her therapy and prescription help.

In the last 6 years, she has really come to appreciate all I do for her.  I am glad she sees it, but it is still very difficult on a daily basis.

She was in inpatient behavioral health for 7 days a couple of weeks ago.  She is just now getting used to the med changes.

She does not work, go to school, or hardly ever leave the house or her room.  I am trying to get her to help around the house, but she has no energy and just sleeps all day.

The new med might be lifting the black cloak of death (the need for self-harm or thoughts of suicide) but how long do I let her sit in her room?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Need2Help]

also.  Her only social activity is online.  She is always on her computer.

[pessim-optimist]

Hello Need2Help,



Welcome to the Parenting board!

It must be such a relief for you to see that the new meds are helping to lift the darkness!

As for your question: how long would she stay in the room in the past? What was the old pattern?

Do you have any strategies to 'pull her out of her shell' that have worked for you in the past?

Does she come out at all? If so, maybe you can take it from there and first try to engage her in some activity that she enjoys?

[Need2Help]

Her old routine was at her dad's house.  She was not on any meds, did not have any therapy, and dad did not believe she needed any.  If she stayed in her room or missed school, she was emotionally and physically abused.

At college, I don't think she came out of her dorm very often. 

She loves to shop, but she is so exhausted that she can't go for very long.  Also, we don't have any money.  dang it.

I've tried everything.  I got her pottery time on the wheel, but she can't find the energy to go or drive herself.

I have introduced her to a group of friends in a LGBT friendly group, but she is too tired to make the trip there.

[pessim-optimist]

Hm, that's definitely not easy!

You might need to start small... .

How about a dinner together in the back yard and then watching a comedy (or whatever she would like) together?

Or doing something that is not outrageously expensive like getting her nails done - would she go for that?

Pedicure might feel heavenly too... .

Ideally, doing little walks or some low-key exercise together would be wonderful to get her energy up... .

[jellibeans]

Dear need2help

Do you think there could be some medical reason for how tired she is? I have two daughters... .my youngest has BPD and my oldest has POTS. This disorder causes a great deal of fatigue... .migraines, stomach issues, depression, dizziness to name a few. I was just wondering if there was something else behind all of this.

I am sorry you are both struggling right now. Is she on any meds right now? Could the meds be causing the fatique? I agree with pessim that just getting out of the house for a short time each day would do a lot of good.

I will tell you meds changes are hard... .the worse! Keep a close eye on her and give her some time to adjust. The meds take time to work.