New to the group-taking this day by day

[IAmHerMom]

Glad to have found this group and I look forward to hearing everyone's stories.  My d18 has recently started DBT and I'm looking forward to that silver lining ahead.  She suffers from anxiety/panic, low self esteem and perhaps undiagnosed BPD.  She definitely fits the criteria now that her and her father are learning alongside her in family group.

We have always been a close family and have thought for about 5 years that her (often) extreme mood swings were hormonal or teenage angst.  Teen tantrums is what every parenting book tells you.  What we didn't know was how she was suffering beyond our arguments and how our pressure to discuss it and change the behavior "our way"; hurt her.  

We have a lot to learn and I'm thrilled to find this group.  I welcome all to share their stories of hope; we need it!  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Aussie JJ]

 

IAmHerMom,

Glad that you have joined us, there are so many stories of hope and success here however every day that a new member comes along with a story where a loved one is seeking help and looking to heal their problems is a story of hope to me. 

A good group to discuss these issues with is the parenting board (awesome group in there) where you will find parents in a similar position of supporting a child with BPD.  Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board  Having a support network in place with family friends and people in the same or similar situations can be an immense help to getting through the hard times and also help to ensure that you avoid those hard times by changing our perspectives on them as well. 

There are a lot of different ways that we can change our behaviour to assist the pwBPD in our lives, some of the simple communication techniques can help us understand alot more and be more supportive of those people as well. 

Communication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN)

Is their anything specific that you need assistance with at the moment, any pressing questions ?  I found like others when I first came here I had a huge amount ot learn however their were some specific concerns that being guided to the correct information immediately helped me a lot.  What are your concerns at the moment? 

I hope you keep posting and doing what your doing, reaching out for help is a big step. 


AJJ. 

[livednlearned]

Hi IAmHerMom,

I wanted to join Aussie JJ in welcoming you to the site. It's heartbreaking to watch a child struggle with the basics, like regulating emotions. My son isn't diagnosed BPD and I don't think he is, but his dad appears to be BPD/NPD and bipolar, and I'm paying close attention to what I learn here, applying the techniques I can, in order to help my sensitive guy.

This place has been an amazing source of peer support and good advice -- it literally changed my life. I hope you find the same kind of support. People here really do understand and care.

LnL

[jellibeans]

iamhermom

I just wanted to welcome you to this site. I found this site two years ago and I will say it has helped me so much. The articles and workshops here have given my real tools that have helped me with my dd17. I encourage you to read as much as you can. The parent board is a great group and you can post a question or just vent... .it has helped me through some pretty tough times.

I want to suggest a book by Valerie Porr... .Overcoming BPD... really such a good book and I have read a lot of book on BPD.

I am glad you are here... .see ya on the parent board soon...

[Aussie JJ]

IamHerMom,

The book referenced to is linked below.  I encourage you to jump across as Jelly Bean suggested.  Their are a lot of mothers and fathers in their that will be able to relate to the problems your facing and also some insight into what has worked for them when going through the tough times. 

Overcoming BPD - Valerie Porr


AJJ. 

[nzmum]

Dear Iamhermom -  We are new too and our DD's are similar in age. Like you we thought the behaviors, struggles etc. were teenage rites of passage.  The guilt we feel at misreading her plight is real (though there are times we still feel our D17 is manipulating us).  Like you we fear more damage may have been done with our efforts to 'help her'.  We are doing the best we can every day and are fully aware now of the steep learning curve we are on. Thank goodness for this message board! All the very best with you family's journey.     

[wildchild]

Welcome,   I am new by a week or so and I join this group because I was desperate to not feel so alone with my sons BPD.  Because they look normal to the rest of the world the advice I get is almost hurtful.  You know tough love and the whole bit but my heart tells me I need to do things differently with him in order to help him and maintain any kinda relationship.  This forum has helped me realize that my instincts were right and I was not just being a bad mom.   I even struggle getting my husband on board because he just sees my pain and that makes him mad at our son.  I to am learning to take it day by day. He is will not be living in our home again but we are helping him maintain where he is while he looks for another job.  He tends to get fired or walk away from a job every 5 to 6 mnts.   It s hard to watch.  But with all these struggles somehow this board has made it easier to cope because I know I am not alone and I have more tools to get through what ever this day may bring. Biggest tool for me has been  Don't React, Respond with S.E.T.     

Your in the right place, wildchild