Small claims issue with my ex-undiagnosed BPD. Help needed

[rodman8]

So, as some of you already know, I was involved in a long distance relationship with a woman who was an undiagnosed borderline waif type.  We dated for four months, and then stayed friends.  In January, I went to see her in Iowa, and I agreed to lend her $3,000.  I did this with the knowledge that she was taking out her 401k early, and that I would get back that money in a couple months time.  After a month had passed, she text me that her money came in and she would be sending me out half of it right away.  Our agreement was half right away, and then $150 every moth thereafter until it was paid off in full.  When the check did not arrive, I began inquiring about it rather amiably.  However, when no response came my way, I began to lose my patience with her.  If you knew how much I put up with her in such a short amount of time, you would understand why I grew tiresome of her avoiding antics.  Still, I never called her names or raged on her.  I simply started to get firm (which I really never had the backbone to do before) and asked for my money back, and for her to contact me.  The lowest act of humanity from her came when she blocked me from facebook!  I left the situation alone for six months to see if she would eventually do the right thing and get in touch with me and start paying.  It never happened.  So, a friend of mine had access to people's personal records, and found two addresses for her which matched up with where I thought she had indeed moved to.  I wrote her a very fair letter that I sent to these addresses while also sending this same letter from two different email accounts of mine.  Lastly, I sent her a facebook message through a friend of mine.  Well, the letters were sent back to me as apparently she no longer resided at those addresses, or she used an alias.  My emails and facebook message were also not returned.

So now what do I do?  I live in Chicago, and she is living in Iowa somewhere.  I have text messages that back up the lending of the money.  An attorney I meant with told me texts are now binding in small claims cases.  My intention is to go after the money until I get it back.  I will stop at nothing.  I let her get away with so much and suffered more emotional pain than any human has a right to, and I will get back what is mine.  However, with no address for her, what do I do?  I could really use some helpful advice here.  Can I go through the sheriff's department to have the papers delivered to her?  I have no problem filing the lawsuit in Iowa.  I was told that is where it has to be filed since that is where the money was exchanged.  But, I don't want to pay the money for it to be filed, but then it goes nowhere since I don't have an address.  I even thought about going to pay her father a visit in a worst case scenario if I cannot get in touch with her.  She always spoke highly of him, and I am sure she would not like for him to know what she did.  A couple of my friends have backed me up on this, and told me I am doing nothing wrong with going to see him, as she has done nothing to help the situation.  Btw, this woman is 39 years old!  She is acting like a 16 year old brat, but I guess that is the personality type I am dealing with, so I should not be surprised.  In any case, anyone have any bright ideas?  I thank you in advance!

[ForeverDad]

The odds are high that she's done this before and gotten away with it.  It's hard to say whether her father will side with what's right or side with her.  You just don't know who he is and whether he would be her enabler or supporter.

For any steps you take be sure that you don't put yourself into a position where you could be "framed for mischief" by her counter claims/allegations such as harassment, abuse, stalking, etc.  She conned you and has moved on, probably to her next mark.  Unfortunately, the laws usually give default protection to women, thank you (not!) laws such as "Violence Against Women Act".  It's like the law doesn't recognize women can be The Problem as much as men can be.  More than a gender issue, it's a behavior issue, but try convincing a judge of that.  Yes, you might manage to avoid being painted as a stalker or harasser and get a judgment against her, but then what?  Would you really be able to collect?  So be aware and beware.  Stick your hand in (without adequate protection and insightful preparation) and it could get bitten, hard.

Have you done a legal search on her history, does she have any prior civil or criminal cases, either against her or her against others?  If she's been doing this for a decade or two, she may have not been as slick as she thinks she is.

I suspect she gets away by asking for money but not so much that her targets track her down and fight to get it back.  Be prepared for it to get rough if you do pursue it.  As I wrote, be aware and beware, she might know the system well enough to be slick and slimy enough to make you look like the bad guy.