Question for those with school age kids

[Swiggle]

How do you handle the info that school sends home? Example... .

DH just had the following text exchange with his uBPDex

ex: were you aware that DS has a parent meeting tonight for reconcilliation at church at 7

DH: No, no one told me of this. When was it scheduled and who scheduled it?

ex: it was info we receieved at the beginning of the year. I wrote it in my calendar. I assumed you had not. (he didn't respond) and 10 min later she sent

His reconcilliation is this date and time and a communion meeting on this date/time. All of these were on the flyer we got at the beginning of the year. I wrote them down before sending the flyer to you in his book bag.

Now I do not remember seeing any of this and I write/document anything relating to his kids in my calendar. We can't be certain that she will always send us the stuff we need but we won't know what we won't know. It would be almost impossible to have the school send double the stuff, she would intercept it anyway. When we see soemthing like this or is time sensative we take a pic and text/email her with the info and then send it in the folder, that way we know she got it electronically if it doesn't make it home in the folder. Any suggestions would be helpful.

[mywifecrazy]

I have primary custody of our kids. This makes it easy as I have full control.

For stuff sent home physically like Handouts and brochures, I take a pic with my IPad then email it to my uBPDxw. This way I have a record of it being sent to her. Any emails from the school I also forward to her again so I have record of her receiving it. What she does with this information is on her.

For information regarding the kids grades, assignment and being involved with her kids education I do NOTHING! I told her she has the same access to the kids education that I do via the schools website and they actually have an app you could download. These resources allow you to be closely involved with your kids education. I'm constantly corresponding with teachers and following up on assignments with kids. My uBPDxw has decided to do NOTHING! It would take some effort on her part so she chooses not to be involved.  All her efforts are spent on manipulating and isolating her new fix (R/s). I'm sure my X blames me for her lack of involvement with her own sons but that's 100% on her. She's a big girl (43), I'm not acting like her Daddy anymore... .I got fired from that job... .By HER! And thankfully so 

Boundaries=Paralell Parenting=Peace and Tranquility  

MWC... .

[Swiggle]

We do that for her about things that come home in his folder on our nights, we just cannot expect the same from her. She has the kids every M-T and every other F. So any flyers, or reminders that come home on M or T she may/may not send them to us either by text or in his folder. I have a good relationship with the school staff as does DH I'm just now sure how to get the stuff that comes home via folders on her nights, since those aren't posted online. I don't know that emailing his teacher ever M-T-F is the right answer either.

[Nope]

I honestly don't have any good advice. Just empathy. Back when DH's kids lived with their BPD mom three states away DH couldn't get any info out of his ex and despite having DH gently telling the them otherwise, the school didn't seem to really get that his ex wouldn't share information. The parenting plan at the time said that DH was to go through the school directly to get records and other information. But like you said, we didn't know what we didn't know. DH missed out on several years of school pictures until we really got it together abd started knowing roughly when they would be and got used to calling the school repeatedly to remind the office admin that we needed a packet.

Heck, there were even times when the BPD had my SD lie to DH outright saying she wasn't going to a school related activity just to make sure DH couldn't be there. ... .Then later she'd scream at DH that obviously SD wasn't very important to him because he never showed up to her activities.

If you are close by would it maybe be possible to ask the school to just put together one extra folder of everything from the week on Fridays and then go by and grab the contents of that folder before school closes for the weekend?

[david]

Emailing the teacher on ex's days may be helpful. Letting the teacher know ahead of time helps too.

My ex doesn't give me info at times and other times she does. I haven't found a good solution.

Several weeks ago there was a back to school night for S11. Ex took sons PSSA results and gave me a note saying she would make a copy and give it to me. Two weeks later I emailed her asking for the copy. A few days after that I sent another email. Ex replied to the second one saying the first email went into her spam folder. (Big lie). She also said she mailed me a copy yesterday. I received a copy 5 days later. The postmark was from the day before so she lied again. I stopped trying to figure out the why and just try to keep track of everything for our two boys.

[Turkish]

This is incredibly frustrating. You don't even know whether or not she did it on purpose, or was dissociating. I have a relatively easy time with my ex, but in my last conversation with her, she didn't even remember an important conversation that we had not a week prior.

I approach a lot of this just pretending I am a single parent. We are low conflict, and there are only a few frustrating behaviors that I have to deal with, but I think "I'm a single parent" all the same.

A few weeks ago, S4 needed a permission slip to attend a Halloween field trip for school. She said she took it home, and would photograph it and send the details to me. I said that I would talk to the teacher about it. She said, "you don't need to talk to the teacher." (Am I not his father?). She never sent it to me, and when I brought S4 to school, the teacher asked if I had the slip. I told her that his mom would bring it. When I talked to the teacher, I was told that siblings were invited, so I also took D2, something my Ex did not inform me of (because she didn't ask, and I know that she can be socially awkward, as well as she probably having something against the teacher for disciplining our son last month).

So, take whatever good you can get, but default to assuming nothing will get done on the other side as far as school goes.