3rd week no contact...

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

I am coming up on 21 days nc. how do i get through the third and fourth week? without checking social media or contacting? i think if i get through six weeks ill be pretty close to being over him. i feel like this is a hump week.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

I am coming up on 21 days nc. how do i get through the third and fourth week? without checking social media or contacting? i think if i get through six weeks ill be pretty close to being over him. i feel like this is a hump week.

I breached my NC policy by replying to a text.  Still haven't reactivated my social media nor made a call.  I admire your strength!  I too feel like the more time that passes the harder it gets.  I think in part it's because the loneliness is getting stronger.  Our brain is finally beginning to process the fears and emotions we had been masking.  Around the 3rd week I feel like we just start to look at our relationship from the outside.  They say it gets harder before it gets better.  There is definitely some truth to that.

Hang in there.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Because i am looking at it from the outside... .

i am seeing my fears and im also seeing him for who

he really is which is rough. yesterday was a really bad day.

i have decided this morning that it is seriously a drug addiction.

i totally get drug addiction now... especially those who dont want

to go back but do anyway bc the pain is so crippling.

now that in im looking at it fron the outside though... i see now more than

ever how important it is that i stay away from him.

i did look at his fb for the first time today... and he said something along

the lines of " i think ill use the excuse that im a monk as for why I'm

going ti be single for the rest of my life"

uuummmm how about just tell the truth... youre mentally ill.

but i guess that would require coming out of denial ahout it.

its funny he has admitted he is borderline... so on one level he

Knows it... .but then it seems like he dissasociates from that awareness

so he doesnt have to feel the pain of it... or whatever it is that keeps

him forgetting.

i just want to stay away from him.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

Because i am looking at it from the outside... .

i am seeing my fears and im also seeing him for who

he really is which is rough. yesterday was a really bad day.

i have decided this morning that it is seriously a drug addiction.

i totally get drug addiction now... especially those who dont want

to go back but do anyway bc the pain is so crippling.

now that in im looking at it fron the outside though... i see now more than

ever how important it is that i stay away from him.

i did look at his fb for the first time today... and he said something along

the lines of " i think ill use the excuse that im a monk as for why I'm

going ti be single for the rest of my life"

uuummmm how about just tell the truth... youre mentally ill.

but i guess that would require coming out of denial ahout it.

its funny he has admitted he is borderline... so on one level he

Knows it... .but then it seems like he dissasociates from that awareness

so he doesnt have to feel the pain of it... or whatever it is that keeps

him forgetting.

i just want to stay away from him.

I couldn't agree more.  What a fitting metaphor as well.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Ooor he is pretending he believed he was borderline to manipulate. hes a psychological liar... .and a deciever. so i really wouldnt be surprised.

i once found him communicating

with a pediphile to see pics of his daughter once...

after days of grilling he admittes to downloading child porn

and looking at it. but made it seem like hes not a pedophile... .

but that he was just going through a dark time... .which may be true but

ill never know for sure. sick...

this is the same guy that "loves and cares" about children...

i believed he was a good person... .He even this "code" he created

that he believed in that was all about doing no harm.

it was just cobfusing bc he is a perv ib general... addicted (and in denial)

to porn... .and he looks and lustsafter grown women... but he also loves teens...

and possiblu younger... i didnt want to believe that.

heartbreaking to start seeing who he really was once the fog is lifted

[irishmarmot]

Just keep going and talk about things.   It gets much easier as you go along.   I am in my 10th month and going strong.  You have been through a traumatic event.  Any contact makes it harder to detach.

[camuse]

I think it gets harder after a few weeks when you realise that there is nothing at the end, no big prize, just nothing.

Of course, freedom and detachment is the prize, but it feels like there is no big revalation coming, just a lot of nothingness. After so much drama such intense feelings, being left with absolutely nothing - no feelings, no contact, nothing - feels a bit odd.

You need to replace it with other things in your life - be good to yourself, work out, socialise, go on holiday, have a massage. Without your PD you will probably have lots of free time to do better things with I've achieved a lot of things in my house that she discouraged me from doing, and it keeps me busy too!

[camuse]

Ooor he is pretending he believed he was borderline to manipulate. hes a psychological liar... .and a deciever. so i really wouldnt be surprised.

i once found him communicating

with a pediphile to see pics of his daughter once...

after days of grilling he admittes to downloading child porn

and looking at it. but made it seem like hes not a pedophile... .

but that he was just going through a dark time... .which may be true but

ill never know for sure. sick...

this is the same guy that "loves and cares" about children...

i believed he was a good person... .He even this "code" he created

that he believed in that was all about doing no harm.

it was just cobfusing bc he is a perv ib general... addicted (and in denial)

to porn... .and he looks and lustsafter grown women... but he also loves teens...

and possiblu younger... i didnt want to believe that.

heartbreaking to start seeing who he really was once the fog is lifted

This might make an interesting thread. Mine used to google for things like "young girls abused" and "girls in pain" or "girl cries during sex" very disturbing stuff, then one day she said she had accidentally downloaded child porn - I won' t describe it but it was as shocking as you can imagine, probably more so. If they have repressed child abuse memories, then that might explain why they get off on such stuff, I dunno. I just found it very upsetting and dark.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Insane how similar our stories are! freaks me out!

The child porn thing is the the straw the broke the camels back...

I have very serious issues with child porn... .I am the type of person who

would put a bullet between someones eyes if I caught them. And I am a

very feminine female... not masculine at all... but I would.

he KNOWS how strongly I feel about child predators... .so to even stop foot in my

household... when I have a child... .and with the possibility... wow.

I can't even think it.

[camuse]

I have very serious issues with child porn

I think most people do!

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

I have very serious issues with child porn

I think most people do!

Lets hope so...

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Im trying not to be irritated but may i ask why this thread was moved to undecided? im def decided to leave which is why im asking for help with nc fronthe LEAVING those who are undecided about leaving arent going to be good at advice on nc... .

I am going through the suffering of deciding to leave.

and neesing support from others doing the same.

not those that are undecided. sometimes i disagree

with your moving certain threads.