Relocation concerns

[blue_skies_ahead]

Hell-o out there in non-land!   

So after commuting to work for 60 miles each way for a decade, I've finally decided to relocate so that I can be closer to work and my child during the day and hopefully kick off what will be a new start to a simpler life.

The problem is, even though the statutes support me moving less than 50 miles away and I'm honoring that (our decree is silent), I am anticipating a huge backlash from the exUBPD.  I could try and reason with him telling him that I'm moving to be closer to our child doctors, my work and his school but I know it will do no good.  Most recently he has taken me back to court to change our custody agreement for more time with our son even though he has wasted 15 Percent of his visitation time in the past year and he's lied about the reasons why he's done this (saying it was work related when he was bedding and seducing his new wife).  It's the same excuse he used in the marriage and I have proof of his lies.  I'm the only one that has taken time to bring our child to doctors,  dentists and therapy and I'm finally worn out.  I need this move.   I live right around the corner from his mother's house and I'm tired of being spied on and scrutinized.   Our son was recently dx with type 1 diabetes and the only pediatric endo around is over an hour from here.  At my new home,  it would be 20 minutes away.  So I'm trying to figure out a way to preemptively address my legal relocation with the court so he can't play games and go file for a temporary emergency order or something.   I'm thinking of filing a notice of change of address and relocation stating where I will be living with our child along with a map showing that not only is it under 50 miles by way the crow flies (straight line) but also by driving so he can't slip in and cause a temporary change in custody while I'm not looking pretending I'm violating the law.  We'll have to talk about how this move will change arrangements for pick up and drop off for his visitation,  but the main concern is how to prevent him from blocking me from improving our lives both before and immediately after a legal move.   Anyone have experience with this and ideas?  I just want a life that is finally mine that he can't manipulate or control.   Thanks!  [/s]

[blue_skies_ahead]

I'm so sad nobody has responded to my post.  Maybe I'm not enough of a victim ... .maybe i come off as too strong ... .I have no idea other than to say I was never willing to accept being made a blame-ridden,  guilt-harboring,  self-deprecating victim to this.  Yes,  I'm capable.   Yes,  I'm fighting it. Yes,  I'm experiencing all the heartache here.  Considering signing off because maybe I've picked up ticks or maybe I'm finally saying non-support when i spill my guts is not enough.

[ForeverDad]

Well, I try not to log on too frequently - and fail - so I have no excuse except for limited time.

My county has a form that is to be filed in advance of a move.  My ex of course didn't check the line to inform anyone and so I didn't know until she 'informed' me "I'm moving now."  Then I checked the court's website and saw her notice had been filed over a month before.

Is something pending in court right now?  It would be hard for your ex to oppose a move that's not really a hardship or would make exchanges impractical with the current schedule.  Yes, he could try, but he's not likely to successfully oppose it.

Likely the court could care less how close he or you lives near his relatives.  (Does he use his mother for childsitting?)  "I'm moving to be closer to our child doctors, my work and his school" should make sense to the court.  If he seeks an emergency order, it's hard to block what he may try but as I am one who had his ex file an ex parte motion and later a harassment/stalking motion to block my parenting, I can confirm that even if the court grants an emergency order then within a few weeks both parents have to appear to present their claims and defenses.  That would be a good time to present documentation of his past poor behaviors, such times he didn't take your child to doctors when injured, etc.

It might be wise to stay on the court's form that moving is an improvement for your child, closer to your child's doctors and closer to your child's school.  Of course, give emphasis to the positives.

Is this a move out of the county?  Moving out of the county should only be a minor complication, the reality is lots of parents have to move and courts accept that reality and work with it.

[livednlearned]

I'm so sad nobody has responded to my post.  Maybe I'm not enough of a victim ... .maybe i come off as too strong ... .I have no idea other than to say I was never willing to accept being made a blame-ridden,  guilt-harboring,  self-deprecating victim to this.  Yes,  I'm capable.   Yes,  I'm fighting it. Yes,  I'm experiencing all the heartache here.  Considering signing off because maybe I've picked up ticks or maybe I'm finally saying non-support when i spill my guts is not enough.

You're asking a question about relocation. Some people may not have experience with this. It's not personal.

In my state, the court has a list of criteria it uses when a parent files for relocation, at least -- that's the case for an out-of-state move. You can probably call your clerk of court to see if there is something similar where you live. The criteria here is stuff like: will the child be in a better school, is the parent moving for a job that pays better, will there be family members nearby, etc. Focusing on better medical attention for your child might be one of the criteria where you are.

My guess is that moving approx. 50 miles away won't be an issue. Some parents move 5 hours away to another state or farther, so parents do this all the time. Like FD said, probably won't be an issue if it's just moving out of the county. If your ex makes an issue of it, he might draw attention to himself for being unreasonable.

Do you have an attorney? You might be asked to pull together documentation that shows how many doctor visits you've had to go to, how much time it takes, how much it costs in gas.

Try to avoid mentioning that ex's mom spies on you, etc. Courts don't want to hear that stuff. They just care about whether you are focusing on what is best for the child, and how things impact their well-being.