Do you ever wish you could talk with their ex? Have you?

[michel71]

I just know that the ex husband of my uBPDw has another side of the story of why their marriage was so terrible and I think it can be summed up in three letters: BPD.

I wish that I could talk to him. That will not likely happen but it is a fantasy of mine. I so desperately want to compare notes, mostly because she claims that it was all his fault, his actions, etc etc.

I want to hear that it is not just me. That she was like this with him.

Do any of you have this fantasy as well?

Have any of you actually spoken to the exes?

[hattrick]

I been thinking about that same thing since I learned about BPD. My BPDexgf vilified her ex-husband big time. She told me so many things about him that I now question. I don't think it will happen though because he has always hated me and thinks I'm the reason his marriage ended. Now I wonder if I was. Looking back I think maybe she got the divorce with the idea of jumping to me. Around that time I was very vulnerable and she knew it. She probably sensed that I would be receptive to a relationship with her. If I somehow ran into him I would try to talk to him but I don't know what would happen.

[Infern0]

Her ex from before me is a drug addict (as is my replacement) I know this to be true on both accounts.

I'm not really sure where I fit in being a "good guy" really into sport and fitness and not being a drinker or partier but somehow I ended up with her.

Regardless I don't choose to associate with that class of person and don't think I'd have much to gain from talking to them. Her replacement is actively avoiding me anyway so I wouldn't even have an opportunity to talk to him

[Perdita]

Michel, I've had the same wish and have almost acted on it, but fortunately I got control of myself.  I don't think it is ever a good idea to bring their ex back into the picture.  You never know.  He might actually still have feelings for her and be pleased to know what things are not well between the two of you and make his move.  You just never know.  They do mess us up. All of us. Best to leave the exes out of it. 

You say you want to hear that it is not you and that she was the same with him.  I can tell you that I have read a lot of the old messages between my BPDbf and his ex.  It made me realize that it is not me.  He was the same with her.  It's not you.  It's her. 

[hattrick]

My exgf's ex is the father of her kids so he still has contact with her anyways. I would have no trouble talking to him if I had the chance. He always hated me when we were together but now that we aren't he might be willing to talk to me under the right circumstances. It might help us both understand things that went on. Saying that I don't think there is a good chance of it happening.