Negativity

[ZenJen]

Hello people. I only signed up to this site about 10 mins ago and have found it fascinating.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 and a half years about 2 months ago. For the first month we did not really speak but in the last month we have been catching up at her new place (she lived with me for the last 3 months of our relationship).

Only 2 days ago she decided she could not speak to me anymore even though over that last month I did everything to help her, if she was sick I would pick her up from work during work hours and drive her home, I would lend her money, looked after her dog when she went away, cooked dinner for her etc etc etc. I just could not work out why she suddenly decided that was it.

We went out for about 2 years and then broke up, during this time we stayed in contact and eventually after 4 months got back together. We were together again for about a year and a half and here we are. The first 1-2 years were great, no issues or anything and then it started. I noticed negativity about everything. Every single one of my life long friends, friends of hers even my family members. Everyone or everything was annoying to her. Everyone had a hidden agenda and apparently in life you do not need friends just a partner that would do everything and anything at the drop of a hat.

While we were together I noticed traits like driving really fast (she is down to her last point) and spending every cent on clothes and material things. I have always been good with my money and she earned double me. I always tried to show her how to save but it never worked. Toward the end I could never do anything right ever and on the very off chance she would thank me for being really good for weeks in a row, one slip up, saying the wrong thing, not buying flowers, heading out with friends anything could trigger it and I would be crucified and she would say some very nasty things to me.

I really loved this girl with everything and she was my first girlfriend. I am 31 and she is 33. She only had one other boyfriend who she was with for 8 years and was engaged to at the end but broke it off at the very last minute. (From what I have heard he was a bit of a pig).

Anyway, only a month ago I decided to google some trends that I could see in her and I am almost certain she has BPD. I was wondering if it is something I should bring up with her even though she has asked for me to allow her to move on. I know she would probably hit the roof if I brought this up but I do still really love her and if anything I want to help her. For the last 2 months I have consistently told her that I was here for anything and it has really hurt how she has just shrugged that off.

I saw another post about negativity on this site and every single comment I could relate to. It has been the hardest thing I have been through in my life and I just want to help because I love her and care about her.

Any advice welcome. 

[ZenJen]

Also she was not just negative about everyone or everything but she hated many people. Her aggression after our first year together got worse and worse and one day she punched me and pushed me down some stairs when my back was facing them.

Her older sister got married about 6 months ago and she seems to adore her brother in law. It seems he has never done anything wrong, treats her sister like a princess, flowers, notes, dinners and just does everything right. She consistently compared me to him (dont get me wrong I think he is a great bloke myself and we really got along). She always asked me why could I not be like him and us have what they have. I did do everything that he did (maybe not as much but I did and could never understand why she could not see that). I know he went out with his mates quite alot and my ex knew that but god forbid if I did it then I was just a pig and selfish.

If I ever asked her why we could not do some of the things my brother did with his fiance or another one of my friends who are in couples I would be hung for comparing my ex to anyone, friends or family and asked why I dont ___ off and be with that person.

It really confused me in the last year of our relationship and I really started to think I was a horrible person. I never told any of my friends or family any of this while we were together because again she would hit the roof and feel so angry that I could not keep things between us. Any argument or issue I could not talk to anyone because she said she was such a private person but she would talk to her friends and family about anything bad I did, never anything good.

Since discovering BPD was real I have done about 10 of those online tests and I am almost convinced she does have it. in the last 2 months she has also said that we cant work because she is an introvert and I am an extrovert.

Any advice or help peeps would be much appreciated cause I am lost

[ZenJen]

Finally, as I mentioned before we broke up 2 and a half months ago. I spent a week being so kind to her in that last week she lived at mine. Gave her a fridge, comforted her when ever she was down and helped her look for a new place. The sat she had the removalists there I only wokred out that one of them asked her at and only a week later she was going on dates with one of them and hooking up (only kissing at that stage). Then a week later she was getting very intimate, letting him do anything other then final base.

Stupidly in the early stages of the break up I asked her if she had been going on dates and this is how I found out about this. COME ON! it was the removalist who helped her move out of my house! She saw one photo of me on our family boat with my brothers and a few friends (including girls) and once again hit the roof and got very nasty! I did not get intimate with anyone for the last 2 and a bit month, no kissing no flirting nothing because I was still thinking of her. That really hurt that she could go and do what she did but murder me for just being on a boast with my brother and his friends when nothing happened.