living together but split black for two months

[randyu]

HI- new here, I have lurked on some other boards, but was afraid to participate. May be facing the end of 6 year live in relationship with BP girlfriend. She is all  packed up for last two months, we are in almost total isolation, and she has engaged a man long distance, and in like major depression. I have given her some money because I always said I would help if things went wrong, she is demanding much more? I have had all the nasty withdrawal symptoms of abandonment,  along with jealosy , longing for reconnection, worry over what she will really do etc. I am fairly educated on BPD and am trying to work on my own co-dependancy , fears, and trying to break out of the forced isolation.

[Mutt]

 

Hi randyu,

I would like to welcome you to bpdfamily. You feel anxious from the withdrawal symptoms of codependent traits. I can relate. I'm sorry to hear that. 6 years is a long time and she is having an emotional affair likely if she's engaging a man LD. That's tough. What are your boundaries with emotional cheating? How're you holding out? Isolation must be difficult. Can you explain a little more? Do you mean your also isolated from friends / family?

[randyu]

Yes you understand my situation. Not sure if I am doing this right? But will try. I confronted her a few times about what I am calling an affair and she has maybe cooled it a little and warmed up to me some. The isolation was forced because of her fears and controlling during our relationship. Now I am trying to correct it with out upsetting her to much more etc.

[Mutt]

How did that go when you confronted her?

Have you heard of silent borderlines? Or she the type that has disproportionate anger and has rages?

From your explanation, it doesn't sound like a typical reaction from a pwBPD. Often they feel shame and guilt and project those feelings unto you. Do you trust her that she's stopped the EA?