I set a boundary, need insight

[mangopanda]

My BPD partner has the habit of periods where he is suddenly indifferent to our relationship. In the past, that would make me angry and lash out. I'd call him a liar and pretty much berate him for not being upfront with me. Over time, in therapy, I learned some better ways of understanding boundaries and being respectful and it helped a lot especially in loving someone who is so up and down. Recently, they've "started" again, they were suddenly indifferent and told me I didn't need to worry about the things we'd been working on anymore, that it wasn't my problem. I calmly tried to ask what was bothering him, what I had said to make him this cold towards me. In the past I got angry, but this time I told him as long as he is reacting to me this way I need to step back to protect myself. I told him we could continue if he wanted a different resolve or to work things out. It's been a week now, in the past poking and checking in during this period made things worse. Have others had this experience? Where their partner loves them incredibly and then suddenly withdrawals everything from the relationship including themselves?

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[Rapt Reader]

Have others had this experience? Where their partner loves them incredibly and then suddenly withdrawals everything from the relationship including themselves?

Hello, mangopanda & 

Your situation is exactly what the other members of this Board have found, and is quite typical of a relationship with a loved one with BPD or BPD traits. I'm glad that you have been able to be helped in Therapy, and I'm wondering if your partner has also been seeing a Therapist? One of the things that many of us on the Staying Board have found is that once we check out the links to the right hand side of this page, and get a good understanding of how our loved one's mind works, it gets a bit easier. Also, once we learn the communication tools and techniques (also found at the links to the right), things really can get a least a little bit better.

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all of this, but you have really found the best place to find support, insights and advice. If you check out this link: When a partner, spouse or girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder, I think you will find out that there are things you can do to help your relationship, mangopanda. And we are here to help, too