She's now living with her elderly grandma, she got a job right away amazingly considering she refused to get one here.
She didn't need to get one when she lived with you. She knew you would take care of her.
I have a couple regrets. I told her when she was raging on me that I didn't love her, which was wrong, I do still love her, I just couldnt stand living with the abuse, which she is trying to get help for in her batterers treatment program.
Who do you love more? You or her? I still love my husband but everything about him annoys me these days. I don't know why and I try to fight those feelings but they are there whether I like them or no. Why would anybody want to live with abuse? I know that I have said some things that I shouldn't have said. When you are backed into a corner, it seems like you will say almost anything to get out of the corner. If she thinks that you still love her, then she is going to use that against you to exploit you and get more out of you. When I am sweet and loving towards my husband, he milks it for all he can. I feel like I have to put up a brick wall around me to protect myself from his crap.
I feel bad too because she asked if we could go to relationship counseling the week before the breakup after another one of her ragers, I said no, I was burnt out at the time though I look back now and kind of regret not at least trying. For the first two years she was in denial she was mentally ill but after rehab she accepted it.
I have been with my husband for 16.5 years and have no real interest in going to counseling with him at the moment. The reason is that I know how he operates. He will say all of the "right" things in counseling and then not follow through. He has been telling me all of the things that I want to hear for years. Every time, I bought it hook, line, and sinker. My husband is also a sex addict. I refuse to go to counseling with him until he works on himself and his issues. Focusing on our relationship is just going to cloud things up. If I go to any kind of therapy or counseling, it is going to be for ME so I can figure out why I have tolerated crappy treatment from him for so long.
Maybe I'm ranting, but it's been 3 weeks and a couple days since i removed her from the home. I haven't heard from her since, although she's posted a couple things on FB about missing me. I guess I'm beating myself up over not taking the opportunity to go to couples counseling. I also see her going down a dark path again, drugs, alcohol and shockingly trying to get into prostitution to pay the bills, and it makes me pretty damn sad. She really tried in the beginning and I feel just gave up, it was manageable until she relapsed. Well correct me if I'm wrong, she's always tried contacting her ex's while with me, we've recycled maybe 4 times in 3 years, 2 minor splits, 2 major (this being the second), I guess I should just wait it out and resist the urge to call her because she'll probably contact me.
Do you honestly think that couples counseling would have helped? Really think about that. It is so easy to convince ourselves that we didn't do enough or give enough. Even though I won't go to counseling with my husband, I have read all sorts of self help books. I have been on several different forums about how to improve a marriage, spice things up, change myself, and all sorts of other things. I have been going crazy trying to figure out what it was that I did wrong. All of these other people seem to be able to jump through hoops and make things work but I sure as heck couldn't.
