was your pwBPD boring?

[Infern0]

Mine was.

It wasn't possible to have deep and meaningful conversation with her. If the conversation went past the superficial it would basically be me talking to myself while she sat there and fiddled with her jewelry or something,  usually zoned out.

She was most animated when she would be talking about how someone had wronged her,  or done something to offend her.

Many times she would start talking to me and ask how I was or something along those lines but then completely ignore the answer and steer the conversation into being about her.

Actual example.

Waif: "how's your day been"

Me: "not bad babe, just heard that my uncle passed away so I am talking to dad trying to cheer him up"

Waif: "o really? Well my boss shouted at me today and said I was ___ and he was so mean to me I actually cried and I never cry. What time are you coming over I'm horny"

... .

She didn't have any interests or hobbies,  constantly shifting through things but never lasting more than a few weeks.  At one point she joined the gym and thought she was a fitness experience within a few days.

On an intellectual level the relationship was so unfulfilling

[Lolster]

Yes, he droned on and on about people that I would never meet, usually stories from years ago as he has no recent friends.  Couldn't get a word in edge ways, two way conversation was not happening.  More than once I actually said "Okay, you're boring me now, can we change the subject?"  Any time I started a conversation he would revert to a story that was relevant to HIM! 

[hurting300]

The only thing enjoyed was sex. So nope .

[Lolster]

The only thing enjoyed was sex. So nope .

Same here, but shallow meaningless sex IS boring, .   

[hurting300]

The only thing enjoyed was sex. So nope .

Same here, but shallow meaningless sex IS boring, .   

oh she pretended to be in love. Lol

[Ripped Heart]

Infern0, I can totally relate. Funny thing was she was aware of topics but had nothing to contribute on them.

However, it was detailed stories about all the people she reconnected with after "falling out", I knew everything there was to know about her friends and their lives and how they had wronged her in some way but if I so much as brought up anything about me, it was like a switch went off. Same kind of thing, where she would be engrossed in her tablet.

Much of her life is spent at work or in bed or shopping. She joined weight watchers 4 times and only went a couple of times each time. Gyms bored her and the only time she ever seemed animated about anything was if I took her somewhere.

Despite everything I knew about her "friends", I never met a single one of them but should she go out and they do something untoward, such as talking to someone else for too long, she would get angry, walk out and then call me in tears because she felt abandoned.

During all this time, I spent a night in hospital with a potential fatal illness. Couldn't get hold of her at all on the phone. When I did get out of hospital, she was annoyed because she tried to call me that morning and I didn't answer. After telling her where I was, she told me she was off out for the evening with friends drinking. Then at 2am, I got a call because her friends had left her and she had no money for a taxi. I drove 100 miles to pick her up and take her home. Never once asked how I felt or if I was ok.

So in answer to the question, my gf isn't boring in terms of all the drama going off in her life. If there isn't any drama, she reconnects with people to whom there was drama and tries to spark it off again.

Lesbian friend (who I suspect there may have been something between them) ended up in therapy as a result of their friendship. They reconnected a couple of months ago, I know she sent her naked and very telling pics of herself. Lit the fire then blocked her friend out again completely. No warning, just laughed and said she wondered how long it would be before her friend realised she blocked her.

So certainly not boring in that sense but not someone you can have a 2 way conversation with either.

[Climbmountains91]

Yup. Sometimes I think bless him then after 10 mins I'm like please just shut up. That make me a horrible person because he would go on and on and on about the same things its like being with an old man. Like he'd go on about the war, religion, politics etc... For at the most 3 hours. Im so drained by the end of it and i never know what to say when he's on about it. Then he would go on about people betraying him and sometimes they haven't anyway. Like many have you have said, same kinda thing.

I keep thinking I'm the boring one, I've gotten into that pattern (which I'm working on) that I'm the one that has no life because watching box sets and playing games all day and drinking at night is apparently the norm and what i should be into but I'm just not at all. I like to ho go out, go to the gym, love fashion, look after my daughter, do house work, see friends. And he just goes on and on about these new TV shows his found on Netflix. Thats his hobbies computer games and researching about war, religion which he thinks his do intelligent about when really he's not at all his just researching stuff so he has something to talk about, it makes him seem interesting.  

But yeah bores me anyway !

[mrshambles]

Mine spent countless hours on her phone and on the computer. If she wasn't on one she was on the other. She slept with that phone under her pillow. I knew there was things on there that would damage me, so I just let it go. Soo boring.

[Popcorn71]

Yes, he droned on and on about people that I would never meet, usually stories from years ago as he has no recent friends.  Couldn't get a word in edge ways, two way conversation was not happening. 

You are talking about my xBPDh

[Lolster]

The funniest part was he always used to bang on about how I was the most intelligent partner he'd had and how he needed someone he could have a meaningful conversation with.

I'm guessing that meant I put up with his droning most, .

[Trog]

Yes, he droned on and on about people that I would never meet, usually stories from years ago as he has no recent friends.  Couldn't get a word in edge ways, two way conversation was not happening.  More than once I actually said "Okay, you're boring me now, can we change the subject?"  Any time I started a conversation he would revert to a story that was relevant to HIM! 

She did bore me a lot with stories of people I'd never met and countless tales of her exes. But actually she had the ability to be quite fascinating and had some interesting opinions, although I didn't always agree. She looked on things in a different way and made me think, that was my favourite thing about her, she challenged me. Then she would take it too far and slam a bowl of boiling beans on my head if I dare disagree. So... .Can't call that boring. Crazy, but not boring. She beat me down. And she was superior. I'm smart myself, I shouldn't be beaten down, we can all shine!

[Pingo]

Interesting.  I think I have such a blind tolerance for things and then I reach my breaking point.  My best friend told me she was so bored with my ex's stories, repeats of the same thing.  It was kind of shocking to me to hear this.  Looking back, I was bored of the stories too but since he had a brain injury and retrograde amnesia I didn't think I could expect anything different and sort of accepted it.  What I found really boring though was his acting helpless and pitiful.  Bc I thought it was such an act in order to get sympathy and get away with bad behaviour.

[audacia]

Boring? Oh my gosh YES!

The only thing he can talk about is how crummy his job is and how stupid all the people he works with are. He talks at me. We have never had a conversaton about anything meaningful. He does not have deep thoughts on any subject. He would not be able to express which side he comes down on anything weighty. Politics, religion, human rights, abortion, child rearing, ethics, philosophy, a particular law, animal cruelty, philanthropy, anything.

I have taken many night classes on a variety of subjects to feed me intellectually. I might learn something interesting in a class and try to engage him on the subject. Nope. He's got nothing.

He doesn't read. He doesn't pursue learning. He doesn't have a passion or even a hobby. Unless you call watching TV, surfing ebay and watching porn, hobbies.

[patientandclear]

No, my ex is fascinating.  It's only well after the r/s and watching him cover the same ground with other women that I realize the topics he likes to introduce are like party tricks.  He is a master at creating the impression that the person he is talking with has unique insights into his arcane topic of interest.

His fascinating-ness is a hook he uses.  Once I saw it, I could not un-see it, and it stopped working on me.  A very strange thing to experience.

[ShadowIntheNight]

My uBPDexgf was not initially boring. But after she started her current job about 6 years ago, suddenly all of our conversations about interesting things turned into her regaling with me tales of all the people she worked with. People I never met, people I would never meet. If they had any idea of how she truly felt about them, she would have no friends. I suspect she really doesn't have any "deep friends" now. I think everyone who ended up getting close to her is eventually sidelined.

Whenever we went out of town she could have decent conversations. But as for having an intellectual thought about anything other than her career, forget it. And I might add, I listened to her drone on and on. As soon as she asked how my day was, within two minutes she was tired and needed to go to sleep. Very fulfilling... .

[power thru]

Mine was/is untreated adhd and udBPD. She is a smart college educated woman. With that said she was animated all the time non-stop but as others said only if it was about her. As others said, all day everyday it was about how the world is doing her wrong or offending her, no friends, no hobbies. She was extremely focused on things that she would get into such as TV shows, side jobs, couponing, etc. She would talk to me about these things daily and it would drive me batty. I'm a guy, I really don't care about housewives of NY, couponing and selling Avon. I'm happy that you are happy about it but I don't need to hear about it every single day. New subject please! Oh and this one really got me... .every time she goes shopping alone, she would return and pretty much ask me to stop what ever I was doing so she could run down the entire receipt and show and tell me about each and every item she bought, if it was on sale and how much she saved... .every time. I appreciated the fact that she was bargain shopping but I really don't need a rundown on everything you bought and your savings.

I could never get two words in and if I managed to I would get "hold on I need to tell you this before I forget!"... .what ensued next was an hour long story about something that had happened to her that day and was usually something insignificant.

So yeah, boring.

 

[Seriously?]

Yep. He had a few subjects he would go on and on about.  He would constantly use words incorrectly. With him, though,  it didn't drive me crazy like it would have with anyone else. The most boring was the hours long monolog about his mother,  usually in the middle of the night when I had to work the next day. His relationship with his mother had been his hook for me, so maybe he repeated it all the time so as never to lose my sympathy.

[Whitebread]

Boring no.  Never.  

Tedious when he got to apply his favorite spin on a new topic ( The shooting in MO. For example) and his distrust in all things resembling authority.  Then he would recycle his favorite rant.  He'd get animated and would give examples or try to explain something from every possible angle over and over.  

He also had an opinion about everything.  It didn't matter what it was.  

Things that most people would not give a second thought about, he had thought about and you got to hear his stance on it.  I never once recall him saying "I dont care"or "it doesnt matter". Everything mattered.  Everything was worthy of discussion.  But it wasn't a discussion, it was him on his soapbox and me his audience.  I noted somewhere else that the speed at which his thoughts came and his mouth worked was mindblowing.  It was exhausting keeping up or trying to sort through it all.  

[CloseToFreedom]

Hell yes she was boring. She had nothing interesting to tell I guess. But you really saw the fire in her eyes when she was talking about someone who had wronged her, or someone who had given her a compliment. Those two subjects were the only subjects she could really talk about with passion.

[going places]

Mine was.

I don't know that "boring is the right word... .

Immature? yep.

Self Centered? yep.

Shallow? Yep yep.

It wasn't possible to have deep and meaningful conversation with her. If the conversation went past the superficial it would basically be me talking to myself while she sat there and fiddled with her jewelry or something,  usually zoned out.

We could talk about sports, weather, gas prices.

We could talk about things he was an "expert" in; which was everything 'important'... .

He did not have the maturity or desire to talk about anything else.

No future planning, no goals or dreams, no steps to fulfill goals and dreams... .

Besides, trying to fit that kind of conversation into a 'text' would have taken too long... .as he was the text master.

She was most animated when she would be talking about how someone had wronged her,  or done something to offend her.

Many times she would start talking to me and ask how I was or something along those lines but then completely ignore the answer and steer the conversation into being about her.

Actual example.

Waif: "how's your day been"

Me: "not bad babe, just heard that my uncle passed away so I am talking to dad trying to cheer him up"

Waif: "o really? Well my boss shouted at me today and said I was ___ and he was so mean to me I actually cried and I never cry. What time are you coming over I'm horny"

... .

Yes, he would do the same.

His family is the same way. If the conversation is not focused on; getting close to focusing on them OR is a topic they are not an "expert in"? They talk right over you and act like you and your words are not even there.

She didn't have any interests or hobbies,  constantly shifting through things but never lasting more than a few weeks.  At one point she joined the gym and thought she was a fitness experience within a few days.

On an intellectual level the relationship was so unfulfilling

A spoiled, entitled, "entertain me now", immature 13 year old pre-pubescent boy was my ex.

Accused me of being "boring" because I didn't want to pack up a 5, 4, 2 year old and drive 7 hours to HIS home town so HE could buy a 'terrible towel' for the up coming play offs AND THEN drive home the same day (literally spend 1 hour in the city and drive 14 hours in a day, with 3 babies)... .

So, because he called me 'boring' and pouted, and gave me the silent treatment, and grumbled around... .

I packed 3 babies in the car, and drove 7 hours each way to spend an hour in the city so he could buy his trinket.

The maturity level was so low, it was like raising 4 children instead of 3.

I am so glad I do not have to be his Julie McCoy any more.

He can find someone else to entertain him... .

[Infared]

Mine was not boring. She had a great mix. She was cute, sassy, sexy and usually up for anything. Was usually a lot of fun to be with. Except now I think that most of that person was fake, but I will never know.

[enlighten me]

On the surface she was fun and exciting. Underneath she was shallow. She regurgitated the same things over and over. Even her only interest music wss regurtited.

Once I realised how one sided eex was that was boring.

Once she got past her initial dialogue on a topic she had nothing. No depth. No ability to debate.

Looking back her life consists of constantly repeating her past. She's not open to trying anything new.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Not boring because there was always a drama going on.  But the one thing that did stand out was that she lacked a sense of humor. Only once did she laugh at a funny on TV.  I gave up on jokes in the end.

[BorisAcusio]

Gyms bored her and the only time she ever seemed animated about anything was if I took her somewhere.

My ex actually needed me to get out of the house while frankly expressed that he would love to go to gym or movies alone if she would have the "courage" to do so, as if I were just a mere extension of her. We had to take gym classes together, travelled 80 miles, rearranged my schedule just to see her complaining and rage about minor things. Looking back, it was humiliating as I thought that she genuienly wanted to spend quality time with me.

[rollercoaster24]

Hmmmm Was my exBP boring?

Hell yea.

Most conversations we had were him doing all the talking non stop, unless he found someone or something that interested him more than that, in which case he would stop and I would secretly breathe a sigh of relief. 

His conversation topics were like Groundhog Day

How his parents did him over his whole life, and still are, (whilst he used their home like a halfway house for 13 years and called himself 'homeless'. (major trigger)

What his brothers did to him past and present

What his sisters did to him past and present

What females did to him past and present, (including associates and friends)

What his friends did to him

What his jobs did to him

His obsession/opinions with/about my life/job/friends

His obsession/opinions about my family, (major trigger for him)

His 'starving'

His health

His interests and what HE wanted to do with his days/life in the present

His opinions on everything

HIS FEELINGS, (NO MATTER ABOUT MINE)

Couldn't let his hair down when there was just me and him unless we were in bed, (I could count the times on one hand that he did)

I felt stifled and battened down when he was around, lifeless and lethargic. If I started the day with energy and verve, several hours in his company would have me feeling exhausted and down. 

There's more, but don't want to bore you to tears as well

Note; I have no doubt that his new girlfriend, (yea he made sure I got told he was in a new relationship) will be being subjected to a wild ride to start with, she will think she has met the perfect man. I hear she is a Psychiatrist, well several months with him, and she'll be on the other side of her office!

[paperlung]

My ex suffers from depression and anxiety. A lot of times she wouldn't leave her bed all day because she was depressed. Other times it was difficult for us to go out and do things because of her anxiety.

[Splitblack4good]

Funny my ex used to say I was the boaring one towards the end as she was devaluing me making statements like "we don't do anything exciting anymore " but in my defence she did have 4 children and I was working long hours to fund most things so time alone was difficult as we only ever had every other weekend without the kids . What p****s me off now tho is now we have broken up she palms her kids off to anyone that will have them during the week so her and my replacement can go out ! And every weekend the kids go off to ther grans for 3 days ! And again my ex and replacement are out all weekend ! But if course because we couldn't go out that often it was my FAULT !

[downwhim]

Yep, BORING

Topics of conversation:

Weather - he would go on and on about it

News - only negative of course

His car

His day shopping for groceries at Costco

Where he bought cheap gas

His football team

Football winnings etc

His kids

His doctors

His money

IT WAS ALL ABOUT HIM but when he left he said one reason was because it was all about ME.  ?