New to This and Struggling

[confused1730]

Hi. I am new to this and would appreciate advice and help. I am pretty sure that i have been involved with an undiagnosed BPD girlfriend. I am 42 and she 28, she has had 5 relationships in ten years with two children from two different dads. Without judging i should have picked up a few red flags.

The first 6 months were amazing - completely, she is gorgeous, charismatic - we thought soulmates. Without boring people with tbe detail the rages, the i hate you, vitriolic abuse that went on over the last 12 months - and the half a dozen break ups were hell.

The relationship and abuse got worse after August and between then and November 1st we were talking everyday and texting. I can tell now she was emotionally withdrawing. When i said i was and needed to withdraw - at that point she ended it quickly by trxt - i was sick of getting everything wrong and being hated.

Within two weeks we had a little contact... .i said i was missing her. Her response via text was horrendous - projecting her destructive ways on to me... .her pathological jealousy over the course of tbe relatiobship was like nothing i have ever witnessed.

The purpose of my post is i am struggling with the fact that within weeks she is claiming she has found the one, her soulmate and the way i am forgotten has just thrown me as i despite tbe treatment of me am grieving. My questions are:

1. Is her moving on so quick usual?

2. Is she likely to contact me again?

3. Did she ever feel anything or was it a big act all tbe way?

4. Is this new guy just a rebound?

Any help woukd be appreciated.

[Targeted]

Hello confused.

In my experience with my ex I will answer your questions as what happened with me The best I can.  Is her moving on so quick usual?- it is extremely common because they have a fear of abandonment and a inability to be alone, i'm not saying it is exactly like this in your case but it is very common for them to already have somebody lined up before you are discarded so they do not spend a minute alone.

Is she likely to contact you again?-  if she is anything like my ex you will have a few days at most before she contacts you and most likely will not leave you alone, The reason for this is the same thing, fear of abandonment, she is most likely going to need The reassurance in her mind that if this new guy does not work out she can come back to you, so as long as she has contact with you even though it will most likely be negative she will feel a safety net that you are still there.  And without her getting serious therapy if she was to come back I believe the chances are very high that she will still be looking for a replacement the moment you get back together and that is most likely what she is doing right now as well, trying to keep you In tow, trying with the new guy, and also looking for others, this is because of their abandonment fears and all they really know is relationships for them all have a end.

Did she feel anything or was it all a act?- this is a question on all boards That has different responses, but my take on it is yes they did feel something real but their feelings are magnified, so apply magnified feelings to love as well as abandonment, ultimately they were abandoned by somebody that was supposed to love them unconditionally like a parent so they equally love with abandonment,  they are deathly afraid Of the very thing they want the most...

Is the new guy just a rebound?- I do not believe his relationship with her will be any different than yours, he just has not had the opportunity to encounter a relationship disagreement yet but when he does he will be devalued and discarded as well. If she does continue contact with you while with the new guy then most likely she did not stop contact with the guy before you while she was with you, it is a serious illness, you cannot just tell her she has this and she will rush to therapy to get better, My only recommendation would have to be that in the event she comes back you stand firm and say only with the proper counselling and in the meantime talk to a professional therapist about how to approach this and get her the help she needs, without that you are going to go through a lot more pain,  I have recycled in my relationship a few times, remember magnification!  When you get back together it's even better, it's magnified!  But it is also shorter lived due to the intensity and then the insults and hatred coming from her will also be magnified, and how much the next break up which is inevitable  will hurt and confuse you will also be magnified!----  my experience .