Do They Fear Reconnection Feelings?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

   Do BPD's continue to ignore and refuse to see us after break up for fear of "feeling" again? Do they worry that they themselves will get caught up in the whirlwind of love that they used to have for you, that for anyone else would be great, but for them is hell because of all of the insecurities and the inability to handle such an emotional feat? I feel as if that is what my BPDex is doing. I have only tried to engage once, but her response was so unnecessarily full and detailed, but at the same time didn't result in seeing each other. I know that if I were to walk into her dorm suite tomorrow morning (prob a good thing that i cant cause I prob would ) cover her eyes and say "guess who" her heart would collapse and the tears would flow. I've realized that I have made this whole thing very easy for her, I do not text or call her (apart from the one time) , nor do I post to social media so she hasn't even had to see me on that front. And she doesn't contact me (apart from one time prior she called me but i didn't answer for good reason) So why not see me? When I made it clear that we could just meet as "friends" to clear some air? You would think no pressure, right?, you would think it would be painless, but I think they fear their lack of control of their emotions, the same way they ran from you, they fear running to you again and hurting you (the ones they love) I recall during our breakup over Skype (A call that it took her two weeks to conjur up the courage for) she was sad, crying, and ready to break up (details in my first op) by the end of the convo it was, sad, crying, and "I miss you babe." ect. I suppose its a bit like the idea of suicide for them. They sometimes want to do it, but they fear hurting the people that care for them. They may want to reengage but fear hurting you again, and fear mostly having to face themselves.

Anyone here had an experience with a BPD like this, someone who loves you, but seems to fear reengagement? If so how did you reengage, if at all? Or did they come around and reengage themselves when they "needed" some kind of emotional fulfillment?

Thanks

[bpd3103]

   Do BPD's continue to ignore and refuse to see us after break up for fear of "feeling" again? Do they worry that they themselves will get caught up in the whirlwind of love that they used to have for you, that for anyone else would be great, but for them is hell because of all of the insecurities and the inability to handle such an emotional feat? I feel as if that is what my BPDex is doing. I have only tried to engage once, but her response was so unnecessarily full and detailed, but at the same time didn't result in seeing each other. I know that if I were to walk into her dorm suite tomorrow morning (prob a good thing that i cant cause I prob would ) cover her eyes and say "guess who" her heart would collapse and the tears would flow. I've realized that I have made this whole thing very easy for her, I do not text or call her (apart from the one time) , nor do I post to social media so she hasn't even had to see me on that front. And she doesn't contact me (apart from one time prior she called me but i didn't answer for good reason) So why not see me? When I made it clear that we could just meet as "friends" to clear some air? You would think no pressure, right?, you would think it would be painless, but I think they fear their lack of control of their emotions, the same way they ran from you, they fear running to you again and hurting you (the ones they love) I recall during our breakup over Skype (A call that it took her two weeks to conjur up the courage for) she was sad, crying, and ready to break up (details in my first op) by the end of the convo it was, sad, crying, and "I miss you babe." ect. I suppose its a bit like the idea of suicide for them. They sometimes want to do it, but they fear hurting the people that care for them. They may want to reengage but fear hurting you again, and fear mostly having to face themselves.

Anyone here had an experience with a BPD like this, someone who loves you, but seems to fear reengagement? If so how did you reengage, if at all? Or did they come around and reengage themselves when they "needed" some kind of emotional fulfillment?

Thanks

[Hawk Ridge]

Mine reconnected in traditional avoidant fashion, pretending to call the wrong number, texting instead of calling at other times, saying she wants to see me when in town and then canceling.   I sometimes feel she is just keeping enough bait out there to keep me on the line.  I honestly believe we are having an emotional affair on my replacement.  That doesn't feel good.  I have kept my life very private from her, not mentioning I am seeing someone (even though it is super casual on my part as I am just trying to recover from the trauma without hurting anyone else).  It's all very weird... .She had been with my replacement since May and initiating contact with me since July.  I get the sense she is in over her head as my replacement has ALOT of kids and my ex can't handle stimulation.  She didn't have that with me as neither one of us had kids.  I don't know.  I guess the other thought I have been having is that I think she thrives in self-sabotage.  That's part of why I have hid any reaction to our break up from her. She has no idea how this has been so devastating.   I told her I just wanted her to be happy when she replaced me.  When she cancels, I say no big deal.  I think she wants to know she hurt me so she can beat herself up.  I refuse to contribute to that.  What do I know?  She left me.  She broke my heart.  She is with someone else (and that person makes no sense to me AT ALL).  The disease won... .