Custody evaluation is done

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Had our last meeting with CE this week. Not sure what to think, second guessing everything.

The waiting for the report is the hardest part, but he said it would be very soon.

I think from what was said in last meeting that he isn't that against giving BPDm more time back, which I'm mixed about. I wish he had said if she seeks therapy first etc but that wasn't how it came out. He said therapy would be a certainty for BPDm but wasn't clear about what sanctions would be placed on not doing it. Of course he wasn't going to tell us how his report would read ahead of time.

Just worried that he may have bought into her very sad stories of being the victim in all this. He made some rather positive statements about her mothering which confused me greatly but now I'm wondering if it was a test to see if we would go negative if he said that. We made quite the point to not go negative during the entire CE, knowing she would and did go all out.

We truly aren't against her having her child, just want her to be appropriate when she has her and try to be like a normal mom. (I know that is subjective, what's normal, but she gets way out there in psychologically damaging ways).

I wish we had spent more time maybe "proving" she was a liar, but everyone (lawyer and child therapist) really assured us that her accusations were "without merit" and didn't need to be addressed. CE barely touched on them in eval. so I hope they are right. Hope he was paying attention. We were also told not to bring up anything about BPD and let him come to that conclusion on his own.

We'll we will see, I'll let you guys know if it's better to hang them out to dry or take the high road in a week. Fingers crossed... .

[bravhart1]

Had our last meeting with CE this week. Not sure what to think, second guessing everything.

The waiting for the report is the hardest part, but he said it would be very soon.

I think from what was said in last meeting that he isn't that against giving BPDm more time back, which I'm mixed about. I wish he had said if she seeks therapy first etc but that wasn't how it came out. He said therapy would be a certainty for BPDm but wasn't clear about what sanctions would be placed on not doing it. Of course he wasn't going to tell us how his report would read ahead of time.

Just worried that he may have bought into her very sad stories of being the victim in all this. He made some rather positive statements about her mothering which confused me greatly but now I'm wondering if it was a test to see if we would go negative if he said that. We made quite the point to not go negative during the entire CE, knowing she would and did go all out.

We truly aren't against her having her child, just want her to be appropriate when she has her and try to be like a normal mom. (I know that is subjective, what's normal, but she gets way out there in psychologically damaging ways).

I wish we had spent more time maybe "proving" she was a liar, but everyone (lawyer and child therapist) really assured us that her accusations were "without merit" and didn't need to be addressed. CE barely touched on them in eval. so I hope they are right. Hope he was paying attention. We were also told not to bring up anything about BPD and let him come to that conclusion on his own.

We'll we will see, I'll let you guys know if it's better to hang them out to dry or take the high road in a week. Fingers crossed... .

[Nope]

The GAL tested us at the last minute as well. She brought up Skype as an option for keeping in touch when one party or the other has the kids. Obviously, we weren't actually too fond of the idea of the BPD using skype as a means of control or to invade our home. But instead of saying that we simply said that if the GAL wanted to include that in her recommendations then we would absolutely do it, but we didn't think the BPD would.

I'm sure the GAL then went and asked her. I can only imagine what her response was but I'm sure it would have been very negative. When the GAL recommendations came out there was not one word in there about skype. Now that the kids live with us the BPD knows that SD11 skypes with friends in my computer but has never brought it up to DH, which is very unusual for this very entitled BPD. Which is what makes me think she thinks we know she blew that up withvthe GAL.

*fingers crossed for you*

[Thunderstruck]

Aaaahhhh the waiting is killer. I hope everything turns out well for you. We're about a month behind you (we expect our CE report the first week of January).