limited contact and avoiding the right thing?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

tonight is our companies holiday party ,,

I have been posting on here about my BPD co worker who romance was close but never happed remained friends and then the painted  black phase came ,,anyway before we would have an argument apologies came from her and an assurance we were still friends , after the black phase ,though the silent treatment has ended and we talk on a civil matter at work no assurance or apology has ever come nor do I expect it , I was taken off her social media and have not ever got a text nor asked to restore to the friendship ,,

so tonight I really do not want to be in a social setting with her and also do not want to feel like I have to cancel just because of her , I know of no contact but since we are forced to a limited contact situation , is all avoiding when possible the healthy step or should I maintain my regular routine if she is there or not? I kind off feel like a prisoner but I really am uncomfortable in her presence ,

[ghoststory]

tonight is our companies holiday party ,,

I have been posting on here about my BPD co worker who romance was close but never happed remained friends and then the painted  black phase came ,,anyway before we would have an argument apologies came from her and an assurance we were still friends , after the black phase ,though the silent treatment has ended and we talk on a civil matter at work no assurance or apology has ever come nor do I expect it , I was taken off her social media and have not ever got a text nor asked to restore to the friendship ,,

so tonight I really do not want to be in a social setting with her and also do not want to feel like I have to cancel just because of her , I know of no contact but since we are forced to a limited contact situation , is all avoiding when possible the healthy step or should I maintain my regular routine if she is there or not? I kind off feel like a prisoner but I really am uncomfortable in her presence ,

[Lucky Jim]

Hey ghoststory, how did your company's holiday party go?  If she does have BPD, which is not entirely clear from your post, but if she does, then you probably dodged a bullet by avoiding a romance w/her.  Be grateful and move on, my friend.  LuckyJim

[ghoststory]

thank you lucky Jim

well I'm no Doctor that's for sure but when the sudden black phase and smearing came that baffled me I went online and I am convinced this is the case as well as also a couple past gf's and a few friends haha ,, now I know what happened and have also been coming to terms with my issues, caretaker , healer complex ect, and see why toxic happens in my life so there is a silver lining to be a better me .


I in fact did not go and feel though my absence to a non would be felt I know to her it isn't but I did have a peaceful evening with no mixed emotions so onward with my own well being ,

I kept telling her she reminded me of an ex who like her had a abandonment issues (before I even had a clue the whole BPD picture) and how it ended abruptly and strange ,, maybe she knew I was on to her ,or what not but strange this was the same thing without romance ,I figured if we were friends I could avoid this ... .strange disorder it is ,

Anyway I thank you for your reply and yes I dodged a bullet ,,but still care I lost a good friend and even though it's not anything I can control I still have that sense of let down ,,and must work me now ... .so thank you again it sure is nice to have people who understand , I wish the best for ya in the Holiday season

[maxen]

hi ghoststory 

I did have a peaceful evening with no mixed emotions so onward with my own well being

excellent! how can you keep this going, as you work with her?

[ghoststory]

thank you Maxen

yes well I did manage to break out of the severe black phase and we have returned to being at least civil at work that and we barely work together as in the black phase at her request be separated as much as my three times I asked if we could discuss why she was so upset with me she claimed harassment that was dropped when I requested a transfer , ... .wth? but still we are rarely seeing each other she has of course new interest so I am pretty indifferent to her so my plan is to let the friendship end by natural means just fading away slowly ,, and quietly finding a way to  transfer and also looking for a new job ... .now if that works seems to be under some debate I feel since the romance never happened reconnect seems more unlikely and a break will be easier  ,,however some have suggested the fact she treated the friendship the same as she treats relationships hints at a feeling of closeness therefore it is possible ,,so in honesty I haven't thought that through other than fingers crossed it doesn't but as of now I'm sticking to my plan and have you wise people to turn to if a bump appears in the road , thanks and happy holidays

[ghoststory]

ps

I should mention talking civil does not include any personal or lengthy conversations ,,I have said that I feel I can no longer engage in that and all contact is brief and to the point ,,very serious on this limited contact