I don't know where to go now, i want to be a success story

[Depression = 72% of members]

I've finally decided to break off contact from my BPDex. I don't think it's safe anymore for me to continue to be in his life. Even when we work on just our friendship, he sets these conditions that are only appropriate for an exclusive relationship. Today he publicly unloaded everything that's bothered him in our relationship, even though 95% were distorted or full on lies.

In the beginning of our relationship, our first fight happened when he first broke up with me. I didn't understand it. He became suicidal and was telling me how much he wanted to die. I came over to his place to make sure he stayed alive. He yelled at me the whole time, threw out anything he could to hurt me, he wanted me to leave. I suffer from a history of my own emotional volatility, and at the time my reaction to him telling me he didn't love me and never did was to take a handful of his sleeping pills. Looking back, I'm deeply ashamed and embarrassed of everything that happened last night. Back then I wasn't in the space I am now, and I used that action to test if he really meant when he said he didn't love me. I started therapy soon after that for myself.

My ex has a rocky relationship with my mom and sister since that incident, both of them firmly don't want me with them at all. Mostly because I told them everything he said to me that night. He's held resentment about this for me ever since, even though I've apologized and taken responsibility over and over.After that incident he self diagnosed himself with BPD and when I started researching it, he was every symptom spot on. This was a year and a half ago. I thought if I stayed and tried to understand the illness, things would get better.

Over the course of our relationship, he "left" or broke up with me numerous times. And each time I would contact him repeatedly to get answers. I didn't understand why he was shutting me out when he only said recently how much he loved me. He even threatened a restraining order, and I stopped after that. Soon after I got an email from him apologizing for his actions, and how much I meant to him, and how much he loved me. He didn't really mean what he said about the restraining order, and I took him back.

But the pattern kept happening. I did my best to listen to the thing he was saying were wrong. I realized in the course of our relationship that the way I was viewing relationships was problematic, and my anger when he left was valid but ill placed with my own issues of abandonment. Over time, his leaving got "easier" because I understood that he wasn't obligated to stay. He constantly told me how I never understood him or wasn't listening, or if I felt attacked by something he was saying and tried to defend myself, I was being abusive.

I even brought him to one of my own therapy sessions so I could have an outside perspective right in front of us, and we acknowledged how we both communicate differently and half to respect that. It was still a process because many times it was hard for me to hold my tongue when he would accuse me of things I wasn't doing (one time he said I was "throwing" in his face that a friend could come over my moms house, when he's not allowed in my house (i live with my mom)). When we were on a break, one of the times he broke contact with me and refused to talk to me, I started to move on. He was talking about how  was abusive etc so I was positive he was done with me. Over that period, I slept with someone else. When he popped up a few weeks later and started professing his love for me, I agreed that we could move forward but I was honest that I had slept with someone else. He didn't understand and thought that if I loved him I wouldn't have done that. But I did love him! And I was sure he was done with me, I was his abuser at the time.

There have been layers and layers of shots taken at each other, and I just want to love him. I don't want the ugly parts, I don't want to hurt each other anymore. I know I have my own part, but he is in no therapy whatsoever. He'll acknowledge his disorder but will continue his actions because he believes his way is the right way every time. I'd say he was vulnerable enough to take responsibility 3 times in our relationship.

My therapist says that I can find someone else who can love me just as well as my ex could when he was "good". But I care about him so much. I love him when he's around, it's when he leaves or the way he behaves when he's about to leave that's the problem. It's been two years and I don't want to let go but I know that I have to.

I want so badly to be a success story, not only for us, but for him. I know he has such a big heart and he is so good at caring for other people. He has so much he's capable of, and when we were together I was proud to be with him. But I don't want to sacrifice myself for him anymore.

I'm blocking him from ever contacting me again, but this hurts. I don't want to shut him out. I just want him to get help. But I think the longer I stay the longer he'll believe that he's fine without help. I'm not like other people here, we were never married, we don't have kids. I'm 23 years old and he's 25. But I'm so sure when we're together that there's no reason why we should ever be apart, but some things just aren't fair I guess. I feel mostly sorry for him because I know he doesn't have a lot of people in his life who take the time or effort to understand him, and even if I wasn't perfect or he hates me forever, I always tried to see his humanity.

[mangopanda]

I've finally decided to break off contact from my BPDex. I don't think it's safe anymore for me to continue to be in his life. Even when we work on just our friendship, he sets these conditions that are only appropriate for an exclusive relationship. Today he publicly unloaded everything that's bothered him in our relationship, even though 95% were distorted or full on lies.

In the beginning of our relationship, our first fight happened when he first broke up with me. I didn't understand it. He became suicidal and was telling me how much he wanted to die. I came over to his place to make sure he stayed alive. He yelled at me the whole time, threw out anything he could to hurt me, he wanted me to leave. I suffer from a history of my own emotional volatility, and at the time my reaction to him telling me he didn't love me and never did was to take a handful of his sleeping pills. Looking back, I'm deeply ashamed and embarrassed of everything that happened last night. Back then I wasn't in the space I am now, and I used that action to test if he really meant when he said he didn't love me. I started therapy soon after that for myself.

My ex has a rocky relationship with my mom and sister since that incident, both of them firmly don't want me with them at all. Mostly because I told them everything he said to me that night. He's held resentment about this for me ever since, even though I've apologized and taken responsibility over and over.After that incident he self diagnosed himself with BPD and when I started researching it, he was every symptom spot on. This was a year and a half ago. I thought if I stayed and tried to understand the illness, things would get better.

Over the course of our relationship, he "left" or broke up with me numerous times. And each time I would contact him repeatedly to get answers. I didn't understand why he was shutting me out when he only said recently how much he loved me. He even threatened a restraining order, and I stopped after that. Soon after I got an email from him apologizing for his actions, and how much I meant to him, and how much he loved me. He didn't really mean what he said about the restraining order, and I took him back.

But the pattern kept happening. I did my best to listen to the thing he was saying were wrong. I realized in the course of our relationship that the way I was viewing relationships was problematic, and my anger when he left was valid but ill placed with my own issues of abandonment. Over time, his leaving got "easier" because I understood that he wasn't obligated to stay. He constantly told me how I never understood him or wasn't listening, or if I felt attacked by something he was saying and tried to defend myself, I was being abusive.

I even brought him to one of my own therapy sessions so I could have an outside perspective right in front of us, and we acknowledged how we both communicate differently and half to respect that. It was still a process because many times it was hard for me to hold my tongue when he would accuse me of things I wasn't doing (one time he said I was "throwing" in his face that a friend could come over my moms house, when he's not allowed in my house (i live with my mom)). When we were on a break, one of the times he broke contact with me and refused to talk to me, I started to move on. He was talking about how  was abusive etc so I was positive he was done with me. Over that period, I slept with someone else. When he popped up a few weeks later and started professing his love for me, I agreed that we could move forward but I was honest that I had slept with someone else. He didn't understand and thought that if I loved him I wouldn't have done that. But I did love him! And I was sure he was done with me, I was his abuser at the time.

There have been layers and layers of shots taken at each other, and I just want to love him. I don't want the ugly parts, I don't want to hurt each other anymore. I know I have my own part, but he is in no therapy whatsoever. He'll acknowledge his disorder but will continue his actions because he believes his way is the right way every time. I'd say he was vulnerable enough to take responsibility 3 times in our relationship.

My therapist says that I can find someone else who can love me just as well as my ex could when he was "good". But I care about him so much. I love him when he's around, it's when he leaves or the way he behaves when he's about to leave that's the problem. It's been two years and I don't want to let go but I know that I have to.

I want so badly to be a success story, not only for us, but for him. I know he has such a big heart and he is so good at caring for other people. He has so much he's capable of, and when we were together I was proud to be with him. But I don't want to sacrifice myself for him anymore.

I'm blocking him from ever contacting me again, but this hurts. I don't want to shut him out. I just want him to get help. But I think the longer I stay the longer he'll believe that he's fine without help. I'm not like other people here, we were never married, we don't have kids. I'm 23 years old and he's 25. But I'm so sure when we're together that there's no reason why we should ever be apart, but some things just aren't fair I guess. I feel mostly sorry for him because I know he doesn't have a lot of people in his life who take the time or effort to understand him, and even if I wasn't perfect or he hates me forever, I always tried to see his humanity.

[Forestaken]

My therapist says that I can find someone else who can love me just as well as my ex could when he was "good".

I'm 23 years old and he's 25.

You sound like a sweet girl - You need to meet my S24.  

"He's a good boy (college student)" - I'm his dad.