What do I do? Break NC or stay strong ...

[Joshuaua]

My ex had broke 10 days NC after going back to her new BF after cheating on him with me for a week. She called Monday at 1:30 am in tears saying she was going to kill herself. She had finally looked up BPD a few days prior since I told her she has it. It was overwhelming fr her to realize it's been her who's been hurting people her whole life. I think she came to me cause I'm the only person who's pointed it out to her so maybe I feel safe. She randomly hung up in the middle of the conversation at about 2am cause her sister came home. She never called back.   18 hours later I get a text after asking if she's ok saying "better, one day at a time til I get a job". I asked if she could call so we could finish talking about the suicide attempt and her BPD realization but no answer. 12 hours later here I am.                                                    I feel like I was used as emotional support when she needed it but now she can't even bother to reply to a text or let me know what's going on.  I'm tempted to text "once again discarded after you no longer need me. I can answer your call at 1:30 am when you're in a crush but you can't even bother to reply to me after that. I won't be used anymore. Bye".   Should I or no... . 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Josh, It sounds like you're still pretty enmeshed with your pwBPD.  I suggest you take a step back and allow things to be, without the need to act or respond or text.  Try sitting with your feelings just to let the water clear.  LuckyJim

[EaglesJuju]

Hi there Joshuaua,

What are your expectations of her at this time?  

It is really hard for anyone, especially someone who has emotional regulation problems, to hear that they have a problem.  PwBPD tend to avoid hard issues especially when they are in a heightened emotional state. You may not be able to seek the answers that you are looking from her at this moment in time.

Another question to consider is what do you want?  :)o you want to continue communication/relationship while she is in a relationship with another person?

[Lolster]

Are you absolutely sure she's away with her sister? Sounds like she could be with the replacement and contacted you when they had a row and he's asleep.

My advice would be to ignore her.

[Joshuaua]

Hi there Joshuaua,

What are your expectations of her at this time?  

It is really hard for anyone, especially someone who has emotional regulation problems, to hear that they have a problem.  PwBPD tend to avoid hard issues especially when they are in a heightened emotional state. You may not be able to seek the answers that you are looking from her at this moment in time.

Another question to consider is what do you want?  :)o you want to continue communication/relationship while she is in a relationship with another person?

my expectations are just to be able to her since she was asking for it. Seems like she just needed me while she was in an emotional crisis but once it's passed I'm back to being worthless. She seemed very genuine.  And also she's admitted she has this problem. She was saying thanks you for making her aware... She's looked back at her life and it makes sense now. And for the first time ever she actually said "sorry" for what I went through with her.  And I don't know if she's still with this guy or not. She's the one who came to me and cheated on him with me for a week, we fell back in love etc til she snapped on me and went back to him just last week. This is the first time I've heard from her since.

[Joshuaua]

Are you absolutely sure she's away with her sister? Sounds like she could be with the replacement and contacted you when they had a row and he's asleep.

My advice would be to ignore her.

i am considering that this could be the case but I'm not sure. She may have gone back to the new guy last week, told him the truth about cheating with me and escaped off to banff with her sister to get away from the drama and guilt. Either that or he's back to work... He works 24 days a month out on oil rigs so she's alone a lot. But as an established liar/cheater I wouldn't put it past her that she had to hangup cause he came home and not her sister. Who knows

[EaglesJuju]

my expectations are just to be able to her since she was asking for it. Seems like she just needed me while she was in an emotional crisis but once it's passed I'm back to being worthless. She seemed very genuine.  And also she's admitted she has this problem. She was saying thanks you for making her aware... She's looked back at her life and it makes sense now. And for the first time ever she actually said "sorry" for what I went through with her.  And I don't know if she's still with this guy or not. She's the one who came to me and cheated on him with me for a week, we fell back in love etc til she snapped on me and went back to him just last week. This is the first time I've heard from her since.

The behavior of pwBPD is erratic and can change instantaneously.  To truly change maladaptive behavior, a pwBPD needs to be ready and willing to accept.  Changing these behaviors takes therapy and time.  You cannot change her behavior. Only she can change it.  Although you cannot change her behavior, you can change yourself. 

Are you willing to cope and accept this type of behavior? 

I think a large part of answering that question is to look at yourself and determine what you want. 

[Lucky Jim]

She's the one who came to me and cheated on him with me for a week, we fell back in love etc til she snapped on me and went back to him just last week.

Hey josh, To me this sounds like classic BPD behavior.  Are you OK w/the roller coaster?  Can't tell if you want to get back on or not.  LuckyJim