easily manipulated

[rapror496]

Are pwBPD easily manipulated? Both times my ex left me, she had the same friend come with her. Our relationship was rocky but better than I hoped until this friend showed up. Just wondering why she has so much pull over my ex

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[maxsterling]

One characteristic of pwBPD is that they have a poor sense of self, meaning who they tend to change depending on who they are with.

Me?  I've basically been the same person with the same likes, dislikes, values, and morals since childhood.  My wife?  If you asked her right now what she likes to do for fun, it would probably be "spend time with my husband".   What she is into, the way she talks, and the philosophies she adapts for life are usually borrowed from the people in her life at the time.  So in that sense, she is easily manipulated.

[waverider]

They can be easily manipulated as long as it doesn't conflict with their immediate needs and impulses.

If it conflicts, then it is near impossible

It is the pursuit of the new quick fix that blinds them to reality.

[Cole]

One characteristic of pwBPD is that they have a poor sense of self, meaning who they tend to change depending on who they are with.

pwBPD tend to be actresses or actors within their own lives, always being or emulating someone else. Agree, part of it is poor sense of self. I think another part of it is this is a way to hide their true selves from the world, thus avoiding real- or often perceived- judgement.

[AnnaK]

Right, to the extend of ridiculous.

My bf, habitually religiously neutral, came from his home place (where his father is religiously strict), equipped by a book of religious texts and started to diligently read a chapter in the evening.

I looked at him wide-eyed, but said nothing. We held a religious conversation (yes, I can have religious conversations, even on hinduism).

He was normal again by the next day.

[Cole]

The extent of ridiculous does not end with real people, either. I have seen my wife talk like a southern bell for days after watching Gone With the Wind, become a Thundering Herd fan after watching We are Marshall, and spend a week emulating Nichole Kidman's character in Eyes Wide Shut because she looks like her.

So, yes, they are easily influenced by anyone, real or not, who may provide some facade behind which they can hide or strength they do not possess on their own. Mind you, that person is not manipulating the pwBPD as much as the pwBPD is emulating or attaching to that person, whether that person even realizes it or not.      

[hope2727]

Yes I have been wondering about the naivety as well. Mine was manipulated like a little kid would be. He bought a grossly overpriced property from a builder at the convincing of a NPD friend and of course the sales man. He bought an expensive vehicle at the convincing of same NPD friend.

He changes his opinions like the wind lately. When I met him he had such strong sense of himself which is really weird. It was quite different from mine and sometimes awe would have conflicting views which he was quite happy to debate. Yet now he changes to whatever is the idea of the moment. He is just manipulated by everyone lately it seems.

He was totally anti drug and minimal drinking, now he is admittedly drinking to be drunk daily and providing urine so his druggie relatives can pass drug tests. Hated crime and respected police then wanted to join a biker gang. Believed in totally honest now lies to my face. Used to tell the truth even when painful now lies lie a 5 year old. Wanted marriage and stability now wants to date no commitments. Used to have a moral code now has none.

He didn't believe in debt friend talked him into a line of credit and trips and toys and now has a crushing debt. He wanted to be married (to me) and live a quiet life his friend(s) talked him into a single swinging lifestyle. I have watched him be manipulated by realtors, car sales men, mechanics, friends, family, strangers.

I get that they mirror but he was so consistent for 1.5 years then boom total change. I can't wrap my head around it.

[waverider]

Ironically my partner used her BPD traits when she worked in sales. An extraordinary ability to mirror, create a sense of urgency, even project a feeling of need and impilsivity onto prospective buyers and all the tricks of closure. She knows all the shady sales tricks.

Yet she is sold so easily by someone who tries the same tricks on her. Infomercials... dont even go there

I think it illustrates that they believe their own nonsense when they are putting the pressure on someone. Whether selling or buying they believe it.

[ColdEthyl]

Ironically my partner used her BPD traits when she worked in sales. An extraordinary ability to mirror, create a sense of urgency, even project a feeling of need and impilsivity onto prospective buyers and all the tricks of closure. She knows all the shady sales tricks.

Yet she is sold so easily by someone who tries the same tricks on her. Infomercials... dont even go there

I think it illustrates that they believe their own nonsense when they are putting the pressure on someone. Whether selling or buying they believe it.

My dBPDh did his best work at 2 jobs: one where he was setting his own  hours and times, and being is own boss when he was roofing. The other was customer service where he helped people with rental cars when they got lost/confused and of course selling the rentals.