picked the boys up yesterday for my custodial time

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Our court order switches new year day and eve each year. This year I have the boys from noon until 8 pm new year day.

Something told me to charge all batteries for my video and my audio recorders. I have doubles of all batteries and they were all charged. I arrived on time. I called ex's house phone and no one answered. That is not unusual. I called a minute later. No answer. I called ex's cell and no answer. I called a minute later and left a message. No answer. This happened over about 15 minutes. I had my audio recorder on the entire time. I called again with no answer.

I turned my video camera on, pointed at my cell for time and date, and then on myself. I walked to her door and rang the doorbell. Ex opened and asked what I was doing. I explained I was there to pick boys up. She replied, "I don't think so". I calmly explained that it was new years day and our court order has me picking the boys up at noon. She replied that she was going to make a call and closed the door ? I walked back to my car. I was thinking about what to do next. The thought crossed my mind that she was going to call the police and I did not have the order with me. About ten minutes and my phone rings. It's ex and she tells me that her atty said I am supposed to have the boys from noon until 8 pm ?  This order has been in effect since 2010. It took an hour and a half before the boys came out of her place. Neither was feed but did come out with a bagel. They needed about 40 minutes to vent about the last week with their mom and things went back to normal.

I don't know what made me charge all the batteries and the spares but I needed them. Must be getting psychic 

[david]

Our court order switches new year day and eve each year. This year I have the boys from noon until 8 pm new year day.

Something told me to charge all batteries for my video and my audio recorders. I have doubles of all batteries and they were all charged. I arrived on time. I called ex's house phone and no one answered. That is not unusual. I called a minute later. No answer. I called ex's cell and no answer. I called a minute later and left a message. No answer. This happened over about 15 minutes. I had my audio recorder on the entire time. I called again with no answer.

I turned my video camera on, pointed at my cell for time and date, and then on myself. I walked to her door and rang the doorbell. Ex opened and asked what I was doing. I explained I was there to pick boys up. She replied, "I don't think so". I calmly explained that it was new years day and our court order has me picking the boys up at noon. She replied that she was going to make a call and closed the door ? I walked back to my car. I was thinking about what to do next. The thought crossed my mind that she was going to call the police and I did not have the order with me. About ten minutes and my phone rings. It's ex and she tells me that her atty said I am supposed to have the boys from noon until 8 pm ?  This order has been in effect since 2010. It took an hour and a half before the boys came out of her place. Neither was feed but did come out with a bagel. They needed about 40 minutes to vent about the last week with their mom and things went back to normal.

I don't know what made me charge all the batteries and the spares but I needed them. Must be getting psychic 

[david]

When ex answered the door she saw the camera. It was pointed at me. She stared at that thing and didn't know what to do. I sensed she was taking off guard. That threw her off her plan. IN Pa, you are not allowed to recorder someone else. However the law says nothing about recording yourself. She has brought up the fact that I am recording and that it is against the law in our state. She complained about it at the custody eval, in court, and the co parent counselor so I know she doesn't like that boundary.

[Waddams]

'Tis the season I guess.  She knows what the court orders require.  She had something planned and was going to try to stir something up.

Sounds like you handled it as well as anyone can.

[Nope]

I agree with Waddams. Tis the season. We found out from yhe GAL that the BPD mom gave SD11 a smartphone for Christmas. She never checked with their father about this. DH does not feel his daughter is mature enough and I completely agree with him. So now DH is in the position of having to be the bad guy and take it away when we go to get the kids back. Neither the BPD mom nor SD11 knows that DH knows about the phone. We expect BPD mom thinks she'll blind side him with it at pick up today. I expect she'll bring it up right in front of the kids when we get there and turn it into a scene. I will be recording.

[ForeverDad]

When ex answered the door she saw the camera... .That threw her off her plan.

Maybe it's time not to have the camera so prominent?  You're in the midst of a case now and maybe you ought to let her feel enabled to make another false allegation?  (You'd still have your defense but let her do her blaming.  Problem is, false allegations that are disproved are just termed 'unsubstantiated' rather than false and then more or less ignored.)

[ogopogodude]

When ex answered the door she saw the camera. It was pointed at me. She stared at that thing and didn't know what to do. I sensed she was taking off guard. That threw her off her plan. IN Pa, you are not allowed to recorder someone else. However the law says nothing about recording yourself. She has brought up the fact that I am recording and that it is against the law in our state. She complained about it at the custody eval, in court, and the co parent counselor so I know she doesn't like that boundary.

   David, ... you may want to check your state laws on video (and audio) recording (both in a covert and non-covert manner). Go to the police station, and outright ask and even say "show me (the actual law that says I cannot record)"  but try to be very upbeat and happy to the authority you are getting information from.  It has been my experience that one gets more flies attracted to honey than vinegar. This is how I got social services to be on "my side"  sort of speak.

    The police is a harder entity to get to "take sides" but with enough visits to them  they will see the light (yes, ... you heard me right, ... one-on-one visits preferably with a domestic violence unit police officer/ agent, not "just a ordinary cop". Police  don't like responding to domestic violence episodes  (its a waste of police resources) and when they see a pattern of one of the parents being a psycho-from-hell then they will be sailing in your direction. 

    Do your research on the law in terms of recording.  Don't just listen to your lawyer on this one as your atty may referring to not being able to USE the recordings in court proceedings or something to that effect, but it is highly unlikely that the actual act of recording another as being illegal/against the law.

     Keep in mind that people record ALL the time Go-Pro's, elevators in buildings (for safety's sake), town hall areas (way up on buildings, there are most likely surveillance cams aimed at city hall, etc) and this is not illegal at all.   

    One last thing, ... police LOVE video footage, ... they really do... .as one cannot argue with video footage of say, one ex-spouse throwing a punch at another.  It gives you credibility when there is a he said/she said situation.  By the way, ... ALWAYS take a series of pictures with  your iPhone or iPad of all court orders.  And also email them to yourself.  There is nothing like having the court orders on you at all times, and not necessarily the actual printed out papers but an email is easy to retrieve with one's cell phone (using Search Inbox). 

    Police will NOT throw in jail immediately if you say that you have video footage of you approaching the ex's house with proof of time and date, ... and then there is an altercation at the door step.  But start the video as you are pulling up to the house rather than when the altercation actually starts up... .

[david]

I was told that I am not allowed to record two party conversations, etc in Pa. I explained to my atty that I was recording myself and if ex's voice is in the background that is not the reason I am recording. Ex filed three protection orders against me and an assault charge against me. That was from 2007 to 2010. Since I started recording I haven't had any charges against me. Ex has brought up the fact of me recording at a custody eval, co parent counselor, and in court. The only place I was challenged about it was in court. I simply asked the judge for a solution that would protect me from false allegations. He wasn't happy and yelled at me. However, he did rule in my favor in the hearing. That was three years ago.

I don't really care what the law is at this point. I followed the law in the past and went to jail for two weeks.

Having the camera prominent keeps ex honest. I have more than enough evidence for extra time with our boys so this really is just to protect me. The false allegations cost me time and money and recording has stopped her from filing charges saving me time and money.

I believe if she didn't see the camera I would not have seen the boys that day at all. She tried restricting access to the boys in the beginning. She even tried it a few times after we had a court order spelling out custodial time. I think confrontation with me gives her a sense of connection (engagement). The camera minimizes engagement because she knows it can't be twisted to fit her perceptions. Email only communication works for me in the same fashion. She will go off topic in her emails. I ignore and stay focused on the kids. Her manipulation tactics simply do not work in the light of day.

[Aussie JJ]

David,

Is their a psyc eval with the next hearing... .


AJJ. 

[livednlearned]

Having the camera prominent keeps ex honest. I have more than enough evidence for extra time with our boys so this really is just to protect me.

I used my phone to record for similar reasons. One-party consent recording is legal in my state, but my L said using it in court could backfire, and with N/BPDx being an attorney who specialized in laws that touched on privacy, she didn't want to get me caught up in something like that.    We never needed those recordings as evidence because I had so much email documentation and third-party professional testimony, but I still used my phone to protect me.

My court order said that neither party could get out of their cars during exchanges. N/BPDx ignored the court order, so I started recording him getting out of his car from the window of my home. Only then did he stop. Once, when I was picking up S13, N/BPDx opened the door and gave me the middle finger, then closed it. It felt like one of those days when something was going to happen, so I started recording. After 30 minutes, and a stream of abusive text messages, N/BPDx came out of the house and walked toward me like he was going to do something to my car. I held the phone up and he had a look of surprise on his face, turned around, and went back inside. S13 came out 2 minutes later and we left.

If the judge knew you were recording and didn't do anything except yell, chances are you won't get much more than that.

I had four of my orders go to appeals, and what I learned from that process is that judges have to work very hard to not show any favoritism, which can actually be cause for an appeal to go forward.

Looking back, I think sometimes my judge would chastise me more during rulings that went in my favor, similar to what you experienced david. I had to file two motions for contempt to get N/BPDx to give me the title to my car, and during the second hearing, the judge lectured me about how to properly transfer a title   as though I didn't understand the process, except the whole reason I couldn't transfer the title is because N/BPDx would not give it to me. And then, after sitting through an 8 minute lecture on how the DMV works, the judge made N/BPDx give me the title and awarded me legal fees. 

[momtara]

That's clever - you are just recording yourself!  I like that.

I hide my recorder and don't intend to use it unless something really bad is said or done.  In that case, courts care more about what happened than if you taped it.  If someone makes a threat and it's on tape, it can only help.