breaking up

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am planning on breaking up with uBPDbf tonight. I need encouragement because I already feel myself caving. I love him And this will never work.

[cloudten]

I am planning on breaking up with uBPDbf tonight. I need encouragement because I already feel myself caving. I love him And this will never work.

[Wood stock]

It's hard because you do love him... .I'm there too. But... .Do you love yourself? Have you set boundaries? If so, has he respected them or tromped on them? I'm in the middle of a bad and sad break up myself--but I have to keep reminding myself that clearly this is what he wanted--whether consciously or subconsciously--he not only is the one who said "We are f****** done!" But he is also the one who caused 90%+ of the problems in the relationship.  He not only disregarded my boundaries--I verbalized them, wrote them down, etc--he spit on them and made a mockery of them.

It's almost like I can hear him taunting me like a little kid saying... ." You won't"... .well--I'm packing his belongings as I type this. I'm gonna shock him and shock myself as well. Cause I will and I am. He did this--whether he recognizes it or not--doesn't matter. I know he caused this. I'm ending the cycle.

But still--it hurts. It sucks. I didn't deserve this break up--but I also didn't deserve the way he treated me and my kids. And how he treated me right in front of my kids. No more.

Be strong. You have to. You're the only one with a rational sense of things, so OF COURSE you're ending it. Stop the merry go round... .

[cloudten]

Omg it's horrible horrible merry go round. I want off!

So my boyfriend... .I supposed now exbf just left. We had the conversation. it went okay I guess. Middle of the road... .he could have yelled more... .and could have yelled less. He told me to text him tomorrow. I wont I don't think. My heart hurts so bad.

[Wood stock]

See... .He told you to text tomorrow... .He thinks you won't follow through with the break. He's testing you. Just saying. If you really want off the merry-go-round... .Get off and stay off. At least for awhile... .That's my two cents. Best of luck to you... .

[cloudten]

Thanks! I'm so addicted it's hard to know what I want

[cloudten]

WOW HE DOESN'T THINK WE BROKE UP! Either that or he is playing me!

[Wood stock]

Hate to say I told you so... .it's going to have to be you who stops the merry-go-round. He is so arrogant and has such a warped self-perception... .he just ASSUMES you're going to continue to take the craziness.

Well... .you have given me some strength in my own breakup with a BPD bf... .I hope you find the strength to get off of the ride.

[Waddams]

No contact.  And if he ever had a key to your place, change the locks.

It hurts, and it's not about him.  It's about your need to do this for you.  It's just about you.  If you need to do it, then do it.  If he won't accept it, then put up whatever boundary you need in order to make it stick.  It's not easy, but you can do it.

[cloudten]

no contact is starting now. the ___ty part is that i have done this before. I don't want to be back here... .and here i F*cking am because I can't trust a single word he says. because i let him in my life again.

[icom]

Coming from a five-year BPD veteran, keep this in mind:

-The relationship will never improve/The relationship will always be in a process of de-escalation. 

- The intimacy will eventually dwindle to nothing, and you’ll be living off of whatever crumbs they decide to toss your way in order to keep you enmeshed and ensnared. 

- In most cases, they will eventually tire of your company, and they will need to find another emotional host to feed from. You will take a back seat to this new person of interest, and as the years progress, this subterfuge of theirs will be a constant feature of your life.  Dating other people whilst maintaining a connection with you is no great difficulty for them.

- You are damaging your self by remaining with them.

- Choosing to remain with them means normalizing abnormal behaviour in order to rationalize the fanciful notion that the trumped-up abomination of a relationship one is sustaining is  somehow a benefit to both parties. 

- Your object of interest will never, NEVER, be able to reciprocate your love and affection for them.

- You are in love with a mentally ill person.

Lastly:

- You only have to go through this difficult process of separation once.  When you reach the other side, your life will be far, far better: you will be happy again.

[cloudten]

WOW icom... .thank you so much! Thank you thank you thank you thank you. I needed that. All of that.

I was married to a guy with ADHD and was in an intimate-less marriage. I do not want that again more than anything in the whole wide world. It would destroy me to see my BPDxbf with someone else- he has already done it to me once. I don't want to be a back seat to another woman- ever. It's why I am divorced. It's why I have chosen to break up with the BPD now.

I am in love with a mentally ill person, who has in turn made me feel mentally ill.

I want so desperately for this to be the last time, the very last time, I ever go through this.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!