I still can't get my head around why she continues to lie.
Why is the sky blue? You can give a scientific answer about the wavelengths of colors of light... .you can intellectualize and explain it and understand it... .but at the end of the day, the sky is blue regardless of whether or not you understand why.
That's far from a perfect analogy, but I hope you understand my intent. There are certainly general reasons why pwBPD tend to lie, manipulate, etc., because of the specifics of the disorder. And each person's individual history and personality traits also come into play.
But the bottom line is that... .people who lie will continue to lie. Because that's what they do.
Obviously I can't confront her on it to protect her friends and also the fact that she would think I'm checking up on her if I did.
She's lost your trust, and I think you would have good reason to "check up on her" if you so chose. You might approach it by asking her to name the friends she was out with.
I think another thing that frustrates me a little, from a purely selfish point of view, is that if I'm such a great friend that she keeps telling me I am, why she chooses not to include me in things she is doing, but it more than happy to get upset if I don't include her but also chooses to lie about what she is up to. I think I understand parts of it but can't get my head around it all.
I'm sure you are a great friend to her... .but of course she doesn't want to include you in her nights out with her male admirers! You would only cramp her style.
She gets upset when you don't include her because she is incapable of the give-and-take of a healthy adult relationship. Also, pwBPD often project their own intentions onto others - "I don't want to include him because he'd interfere with the male attention I'm getting, so he must not want to include me because he sees me as a c---block too." Just like you have a hard time wrapping your head around her worldview, she has a hard time wrapping her head around yours and other people's.
It seems that her entourage of female friends was actually an entourage of males she has acquired over the past couple of weeks
Don't you think that she is actively looking for your replacement? Obviously she will not dump you outright, until she can find a replacement. That is why she continues to contact you and lie to you about her intention.
I have to agree.
My exBPDbf had his entourage(s) of female "friends," too. Monogamy was not a requirement of mine, but no matter how much freedom I gave him, he still lied and snuck around.
It is, quite simply, just who he is. If I want any type of relationship with him, I have to accept who he is. Even if I don't fully understand why.
That's the decision you have to make for yourself. Knowing what you know about who she is - regardless of whether or not you
understand her - is this a person you can radically accept in your life?
