Helping her former husband with a legal matter?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Her ex husband(divorced in 2010)has reached out to me to help him with a legal matter. I do not have to testify in court nor will my identity be revealed. He and his attorney are gathering evidence to pursue a change in custody status with 1 minor child. What are the pros and cons to this? I feel like he is *really* wanting to seek revenge for the way he was treated more so than myself. Their marriage was very very complex with many ups and downs that aren't worth posting here. Our relationship was much better(ha)... .until the inevitable crappy break-up happened. I met the guy once in 2012 and he seemed ok. He lives literally 1600 miles away from me so I will never see him again ever or her for that matter. Any advice? Help him out or just steer clear of the whole mess?

[mks10]

Her ex husband(divorced in 2010)has reached out to me to help him with a legal matter. I do not have to testify in court nor will my identity be revealed. He and his attorney are gathering evidence to pursue a change in custody status with 1 minor child. What are the pros and cons to this? I feel like he is *really* wanting to seek revenge for the way he was treated more so than myself. Their marriage was very very complex with many ups and downs that aren't worth posting here. Our relationship was much better(ha)... .until the inevitable crappy break-up happened. I met the guy once in 2012 and he seemed ok. He lives literally 1600 miles away from me so I will never see him again ever or her for that matter. Any advice? Help him out or just steer clear of the whole mess?

[Deb]

Is it in the best interests of the child?  I supported my BIL against my dBPD sister because it was in the best interest of my minor niece to not be in the custody of her mother. My sister will tell anyone that it was "rfevenge" on my part, but that's not true. And if you have doubts, read some on the unchosen board and see if any of that fits.

[ForeverDad]

Is it in the best interests of the child?

That too is my thought.

This question reminded me of one often asked, "Should I tell my ex's next partners what is in store for them?"  The typical answer is to not get involved, that (1) it could be risky and (2) the 'next' rescuer isn't likely to listen when in the honeymoon/idolization phase.  However, your relationship is over, you apparently don't have to co-parent with her for the next umpteen years, the other parent hopefully isn't as disordered as the ex and so, yes, think about the best interests of the children.  Another question, Does he have the best interests of the children at heart too, not just revenge?

[livednlearned]

You don't have to post any of the details of your ex's divorce/custody battle here. Most of us are pretty familiar with how these things go. 

It's probably not about revenge, is my guess. Trying to get custody is not the way to get revenge -- it's very expensive, not straightforward. He may genuinely love his kid and be worried about how the child is being raised with a BPD mother. It's often a very unstable and sometimes frightening environment.

If the L and the ex can guarantee your confidentiality and you don't have to testify, and if the dad is not NPD or BPD himself, you may be doing something immeausurably positive for the life of that child.

Ask some questions first to make sure you understand what they plan to do with your information. It could be that they just want to confirm suspicions. Most custody battles require a lot more than testimony from a confidential source, so they will have other material to build the case on.

It can't hurt to find out what they want to know.