a question i have is this, when my ex was pressuring my daughter to give the bear back to me i kept quiet and didn't ask my daughter if she wanted to keep it. should i say something? i wanted to stand up for my daughter but i didn't want to put more pressure on her and make her feel like she had to choose.
These interactions are so hard. I don't know that there is a right way and a wrong way, especially when your D is so young. My T introduced me to the idea of do-overs and that has helped me a lot. If I feel like I failed with S13, I revisit with him later to talk about what happened. Your D is young enough that she might not hang onto it, but that will start to change. You could get into the habit now and make it part of your parenting skill set. ":), I didn't know what to do when your mom was so upset about the bear. How did you feel when that was happening? She was getting angry and I don't know why. Why do you think she felt angry?"
It's not really about the bear. It's about making sure your D feels that you see her, and that someone validates that her feelings are real. It's amazing what kids pick up on -- your D may be able to say that her mom is scared D will love the bear more than her.