My wife had a major down event in January. Enough that friends knew she might be suicidal, too. Confronting her about it in therapy was surreal. After 3 days of being completely absent from the house, leaving me in the ever familiar single-dad mode, she was fine. Happy and ambivalent. This leaving and coming and raging and happy spun my anxiety-disordered son into a major breakdown, necessitating forced time off from school for him to recover. At that point, I had told myself that this was the last straw and she must get out.
But, this month, she's engaging with the kids, trying to socialize with the son she doesn't want, letting me curl up in bed with her again, planning fun family trips, etc. Still telling me that there is "no reason to celebrate our anniversary, because there's nothing good about our marriage right now," but still open to doing something to mark the occasion, "if it makes you happy." Still telling me that I don't do enough to support her opinions (I refer to them personally as marching orders, since disagreement, however minor, is cutting at her soul).
In a relatively up moment like this, could this be the time to discuss separation?
[more background in intro post:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=272296.0 ]