feeling sad and guilty

[struggling2letgo]

Hi.

I am struggling to let go, and feel at peace. My daughter has many BPD traits, but does not think she needs to take her medication or seek therapy. I refused to let he come home as she is verbally abusive to myself and her younger sister. I have a counsellor who helps support me, but at times, the feelings are hard to manage.

I am exhausted beyond words, yet, I still feel guilty. I am really trying to let go. She is now lving with her father, but begs to come home on a weekly basis, but when I say no, that she has to seek therapy, and consider her medication, she gets angry, and verbally disprespectful.

just thought i could share my feelings... .maybe someone out there has the same situation or similar.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi struggling2letgo and



I am so glad that you are here and telling us about your struggles.  It really helps to share your thoughts and feelings with others who understand!

I know it must be heartbreaking to tell her she can't come home when she is begging to.  I understand your boundary around medications and therapy.  It was understood that my daughter would be in therapy as long as she lived under my roof.  There were only a few times my daughter wasn't compliant with medications... .usually it was a power play.

Since she lives with her father do you get to see each other for visits?  Is she close by?  How old is your daughter? How old is your child that is still living at home with you?

Have you ever approached her father and asked him to get on the same page as you regarding medication and therapy compliance?  Would that be an option?

Sorry for so many questions... .wanting to learn how to best support you!

Here is a link that might help you cope with your feelings.:

Do we feel guilty about the thoughts and feelings we have?

Please don't be too hard on yourself struggling2letgo.  This is all very hard and none of us were born with the knowledge and skills to handle such a devastating illness.

I hope to hear back from you very soon.

lbj

[Restored2]

Welcome to this very supportive family, struggling2letgo!  What you are going through is very challenging. 

It sounds like your daughter needs intensive and progressive therapy that specializes in BPD and possibly some other disorders.  It is important to recognize how dealing with BPD people can slip one into the FOG of fear, obligation and guilt.  If you are not familiar with this, then I would suggest that you do a search on this site to gather more information on it. 

[unsuremomma]

I just wanted to let you know, that you are not alone.  I am right there with you. 110%

Right now, I have nothing but guilt and honestly, I know I have no reason to feel this way.  I love my daughter and I want her to become independent and successful and more importantly happy.  If I didn't want that, then I could see where I should be feeling guilty. 

My guilt I think stems from my thinking that I should be able to control my own daughter and that she belongs here at home. 

You are a great parent!  Don't you dare think otherwise. Easier said than done I know. 

[Mama-san]

 

Welcome Struggling.

You are wise to seek the support of this group.  There is so much compassion on the network and a wealth of information.

It is exhausting to be where you are with your DD.

We have recently had to set some very clear limitations with our DD36 due to refusal to get help (therapy, recovery, Rx meds).  We have removed all financial support and she is homeless because no person is willing to take her in. 

As present she is in the local shelter and today entered their faith based recovery program.  As we pointed out to her, she is free to leave and go wherever she wants, her choice.  She has choices and so do we.  Ours is to not support her lifestyle.

You have the right to say 'no', the right to protect your home, the right to not be verbally abused, and a host of other rights. 

May I suggest embracing the time your daughter is away as a 'relationship vacation'?  Sometimes it is OK to step back and take a breather.  Maybe spend some quality time with the other daughter?

Warmly.