Woke up single today

[Heartandsole]

I have been through quite a journey in the last year.  I have learned more than I want to know about BPD and NPD in that time.  Many of the tools that I now posses as a result will be applied to identifying   and I am also grateful for the life lessons this taught me. 

I am a better person from all of this, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone. 

I have found this community of people and the knowledge base on this forum invaluable. 

Time for me to focus on the future, not the past.  That means when I come here it is to help someone else out, or focus on my continuing personal work/inventory. 

Today I am no longer legally married to a BPD.   

Today I am not married to a NPD

I am FREE!

30 months and counting until I write my last check to buy my freedom and happiness.   I don't care if I have to eat Ramen Noodles for 900 days.  It was worth it. 


I AM WORTH IT... .She had convinced me otherwise.   


She was dead wrong.  I love myself and I DESERVE better.  I have set my heading for calmer waters and smoother sailing, and I am happy for me. 

I wish her all the best on her journey.


A sincere THANK YOU to this community!

[WalrusGumboot]

Right on, Heartandsole!

Next month it will be three years since my divorce was final. I gave up so much material possessions to get free, but it was a small price to pay. I would still be paying out alimony today, but my ex did me a huge favor my remarrying within six months of the divorce, setting me truly free  Maybe this might happen to you!

[livednlearned]

Nice! I hope you eat something better than ramen noodles to celebrate 

You mention that it's time to focus on the future and not the past, which is wise. But don't forget the present! That's where the healing is.

Did you feel that the judge ruled favorably in your case? Or maybe you were able to sort it out between the two Ls? Either way, 30 months of support is not too bad. The financial situation in my marriage was such a struggle -- my ex's impulsive spending was going to give me an ulcer. But he was also the one earning 5x my salary. Even so, it wore me out. It was such a relief and source of peace to not have that in my life, and even though I was paying buckets of money in legal fees, I was able to live frugally and know exactly where every penny was going, and why. Just that alone felt like freedom. Maybe you'll find even something like that will give you some small semblance of joy. That's what these BPD marriages do, they make you appreciate the simple things. Like walking into your home without feeling dread.

What's next for you in terms of recovery?

[Heartandsole]

Nice! I hope you eat something better than ramen noodles to celebrate 

You mention that it's time to focus on the future and not the past, which is wise. But don't forget the present! That's where the healing is.

Did you feel that the judge ruled favorably in your case? Or maybe you were able to sort it out between the two Ls? Either way, 30 months of support is not too bad. The financial situation in my marriage was such a struggle -- my ex's impulsive spending was going to give me an ulcer. But he was also the one earning 5x my salary. Even so, it wore me out. It was such a relief and source of peace to not have that in my life, and even though I was paying buckets of money in legal fees, I was able to live frugally and know exactly where every penny was going, and why. Just that alone felt like freedom. Maybe you'll find even something like that will give you some small semblance of joy. That's what these BPD marriages do, they make you appreciate the simple things. Like walking into your home without feeling dread.

What's next for you in terms of recovery?

Thanks LnL.  Yes, I'm not going to starve that's for sure!  I have plenty of good things to eat... .don't worry about me 

I cried uncle.  I had no leverage in my case, so it seems like extortion, but in the end it's OK.  At least I don't have kids, and I have my health and sanity.  There was no judge except to sign the papers yesterday.   I was paying for both L's and the next phase was going to get really really expensive and drag this thing out for a while.  I'd rather get it over with and move on, and have her get $ than give it to accountants, business evlauators, lawyers and consultants.  What is fair?  Who knows, but what isn't fair is a good guy like me getting beaten down all the time. 

Yes.  I do a great job of living in the present I believe.  That's one of the gifts I have received.  I used to ruminate on the past and worry about things in the future that may not even happen. 

Recovery steps for me... .I am going to get back into some workout routines, get my own space, and continue to search for the root cause of why I allowed this poor treatment to go on for so long.  Dig back into why I was attracted to this hot mess of a woman in the first place... .

Oh yeah, and enjoy the company of a mess of hot women. 

I

[livednlearned]

I'd rather get it over with and move on, and have her get $ than give it to accountants, business evlauators, lawyers and consultants.  What is fair?  Who knows, but what isn't fair is a good guy like me getting beaten down all the time.

I wholeheartedly agree. If court was a fair and just place, it would be worth it to have the whole machinery weigh in and do the right thing. Since it isn't, the choice to take care of yourself is a wise choice.

Recovery steps for me... .I am going to get back into some workout routines, get my own space, and continue to search for the root cause of why I allowed this poor treatment to go on for so long.  Dig back into why I was attracted to this hot mess of a woman in the first place... .

Maybe I'll see you over on the Personal Inventory board when you're ready 

Oh yeah, and enjoy the company of a mess of hot women. 

And on the Building Healthy Relationships board 

[jedimaster]

I have been through quite a journey in the last year.  I have learned more than I want to know about BPD and NPD in that time.  Many of the tools that I now posses as a result will be applied to identifying   and I am also grateful for the life lessons this taught me. 

I am a better person from all of this, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone. 

I have found this community of people and the knowledge base on this forum invaluable. 

Time for me to focus on the future, not the past.  That means when I come here it is to help someone else out, or focus on my continuing personal work/inventory. 

Today I am no longer legally married to a BPD.   

Today I am not married to a NPD

I am FREE!

30 months and counting until I write my last check to buy my freedom and happiness.   I don't care if I have to eat Ramen Noodles for 900 days.  It was worth it. 


I AM WORTH IT... .She had convinced me otherwise.   


She was dead wrong.  I love myself and I DESERVE better.  I have set my heading for calmer waters and smoother sailing, and I am happy for me. 

I wish her all the best on her journey.


A sincere THANK YOU to this community!

I think I'm going to post this on my bathroom mirror to remind me where I'm headed.  Just getting started down this road.  So far it's gone surprisingly smoothly but I'm well aware how fast that can change.  But I'm hoping for the best while prepping for the worst.

But as for you, CONGRATULATIONS!  You made it!  See you on the outside!   

[whirlpoollife]

... .the next phase was going to get really really expensive and drag this thing out for a while.  I'd rather get it over with and move on, and have her get $ than give it to accountants, business evlauators, lawyers and consultants.  What is fair?  Who knows, but what isn't fair is a good guy like me getting beaten down all the time. 

Smart move.

Congratulations! 

[Grey Kitty]

Congratulations on taking your freedom! I've yet to do financial division, but at least we've divided up the physical possession of the boat (mine) and all the belongings aboard (those that I didn't give her are mine)

Oh yeah, and enjoy the company of a mess of hot women. 

I missread something there about a woman being a hot mess. Watch out for that kind!