My Ex is off his rocker and I am getting caught in it

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So two incidences have happened that I just can't wrap my head around.

Easter/Spring break. Per our agreement it is my weekend, his holiday (he gets them at 10am for the rest of the day) Monday after Easter starts his parenting time and also happens to be break. Per the agreement we split the break. Over the years neither of us have capitalized on spring break and have just stuck to whoever has parenting time that week gets them since neither of us have ever gone away for break.

DH and I got off schedule when he his ex redid their parenting schedule. Below are the emails between my ex and I asking to switch holiday schedules with me.

Hello Ex

DH and I got off sync with Easter with SD and SS. I was wondering if you would consider switching? You had them last year on Easter and I have them this year, I am proposing that you would have them again this year and I will then get them next year. If this works for you I will plan on having them to you at 10am on Easter, if not that’s ok to but wanted to check.

Hello Swiggle

I was talking this over with the family and wanted to see if we can take this one step further for the Easter Holiday/spring break timeframe.  Since Easter and Spring break are somewhat tied together what are your thoughts on alternating this time/break?  The year we have Easter we have the kids for the entire spring break and when it is your Easter you have them for the entire spring break.  This would allow for both of us to plan time with the kids better for this break and holiday.  Let me know.

Hello Ex

This year I see the Easter Holiday/spring break timeframe as Good Friday, April 3rd – April 12th, next year it might be different. For instance, last year spring break was March 31-April 4th. Then there was a long weekend from Good Friday-Easter Sunday April 20th. I suggest splitting it into two separate things:

Easter Holiday – Good Friday-Easter Sunday (this allows us on our years to have a long weekend over the holiday when spring break is at a different time)

o   You get them in odd numbered years

o   I get them in even numbered years

Spring Break – Whatever week the school calendar states and would be considered the Monday-Friday that they are off school with that parent getting the full week.

o   You get them in odd years

o   I get them in even years

This year spring break falls on your week so not much is changing. Next year it will hopefully fall on my week but we won’t know until we have the dates, this is the tough part about making sure that neither of us are losing a bunch of time with them, since it is always a moving target. This year for spring break Mon-Fri I am only losing a night. If next year the break falls on your week you would lose the entire week, not just one night, I would feel bad about this. Although the same could happen to your advantage the following year but this was my initial hang-up to switching year-to-year for spring break. If you’re ok with it thought I am as well.

He did not respond to my email above and this morning I get this email from him:

Swiggle

not sure if you have any plans for spring break but Fiance's parents have an opportunity to take the kids and I on the trip for spring break.  They want to leave on Friday, April 3rd and come back on Friday April 10th.  Would you let me know if that would work for you?  I would drop them off to you when we got back in town on the 10th.

I responded and said I sent you an email last week about the holiday, let me know your thoughts.

he then responded back with: I guess we will stick with our agreement... thanks anway.

AM I NUTS - isn't what I suggested in my email, exactly what he wants? At this point I don't care either way but it just makes my head spin with the nuttiness.

The second incident was yesterday. I made new therapy appointments for my kids and emailed him about it last month. He was fine with date/time. Yesterday he asked If I would switch days with him because he has to go out of town for work. He would have them Thursday and I have them tonight. I said as long as you will get them to their appointments on Thursday at 6 that would be fine (I am going to the apt. as well). He agreed and had a back up plan in case something came up.

I then realized I told him 6 when the time is actually 530. He blew up saying it needs to be rescheduled he can't make it by 530. I said I would take the kids and he could come at 6. I made sure the T would start with the kids first and then he wouldn't miss anything. My boundary was that I wasn't rescheduling and gave suggestions/options for how to make it so that he didn't miss anything. This was met with accusations that I refuse to work with him, that I'm not understanding. Which I know is code for you he is making me look like the jerk since I won't do exactly what he wants.

[Swiggle]

So two incidences have happened that I just can't wrap my head around.

Easter/Spring break. Per our agreement it is my weekend, his holiday (he gets them at 10am for the rest of the day) Monday after Easter starts his parenting time and also happens to be break. Per the agreement we split the break. Over the years neither of us have capitalized on spring break and have just stuck to whoever has parenting time that week gets them since neither of us have ever gone away for break.

DH and I got off schedule when he his ex redid their parenting schedule. Below are the emails between my ex and I asking to switch holiday schedules with me.

Hello Ex

DH and I got off sync with Easter with SD and SS. I was wondering if you would consider switching? You had them last year on Easter and I have them this year, I am proposing that you would have them again this year and I will then get them next year. If this works for you I will plan on having them to you at 10am on Easter, if not that’s ok to but wanted to check.

Hello Swiggle

I was talking this over with the family and wanted to see if we can take this one step further for the Easter Holiday/spring break timeframe.  Since Easter and Spring break are somewhat tied together what are your thoughts on alternating this time/break?  The year we have Easter we have the kids for the entire spring break and when it is your Easter you have them for the entire spring break.  This would allow for both of us to plan time with the kids better for this break and holiday.  Let me know.

Hello Ex

This year I see the Easter Holiday/spring break timeframe as Good Friday, April 3rd – April 12th, next year it might be different. For instance, last year spring break was March 31-April 4th. Then there was a long weekend from Good Friday-Easter Sunday April 20th. I suggest splitting it into two separate things:

Easter Holiday – Good Friday-Easter Sunday (this allows us on our years to have a long weekend over the holiday when spring break is at a different time)

o   You get them in odd numbered years

o   I get them in even numbered years

Spring Break – Whatever week the school calendar states and would be considered the Monday-Friday that they are off school with that parent getting the full week.

o   You get them in odd years

o   I get them in even years

This year spring break falls on your week so not much is changing. Next year it will hopefully fall on my week but we won’t know until we have the dates, this is the tough part about making sure that neither of us are losing a bunch of time with them, since it is always a moving target. This year for spring break Mon-Fri I am only losing a night. If next year the break falls on your week you would lose the entire week, not just one night, I would feel bad about this. Although the same could happen to your advantage the following year but this was my initial hang-up to switching year-to-year for spring break. If you’re ok with it thought I am as well.

He did not respond to my email above and this morning I get this email from him:

Swiggle

not sure if you have any plans for spring break but Fiance's parents have an opportunity to take the kids and I on the trip for spring break.  They want to leave on Friday, April 3rd and come back on Friday April 10th.  Would you let me know if that would work for you?  I would drop them off to you when we got back in town on the 10th.

I responded and said I sent you an email last week about the holiday, let me know your thoughts.

he then responded back with: I guess we will stick with our agreement... thanks anway.

AM I NUTS - isn't what I suggested in my email, exactly what he wants? At this point I don't care either way but it just makes my head spin with the nuttiness.

The second incident was yesterday. I made new therapy appointments for my kids and emailed him about it last month. He was fine with date/time. Yesterday he asked If I would switch days with him because he has to go out of town for work. He would have them Thursday and I have them tonight. I said as long as you will get them to their appointments on Thursday at 6 that would be fine (I am going to the apt. as well). He agreed and had a back up plan in case something came up.

I then realized I told him 6 when the time is actually 530. He blew up saying it needs to be rescheduled he can't make it by 530. I said I would take the kids and he could come at 6. I made sure the T would start with the kids first and then he wouldn't miss anything. My boundary was that I wasn't rescheduling and gave suggestions/options for how to make it so that he didn't miss anything. This was met with accusations that I refuse to work with him, that I'm not understanding. Which I know is code for you he is making me look like the jerk since I won't do exactly what he wants.