Frustrating week so far

[gomez_addams]

the uBPDw is out of town, after a six-week stint in an Eating Disorder inpatient clinic.  She's staying with family, and doing outpatient, mostly focused on the ED, a few times a month.

I've insisted on having a family session with her therapist before we even discuss her coming back.  I want to address the escalation in her words/actions over the six months prior to her leaving for the inpatient treatment.  We were supposed to have such a session during her stint in rehab.  Now we're supposed to have such a session while she's home.  She has a habit of getting migraines on MC day.  If she buys a ticket for May, cancels the first session, there might not be one before it's time to fly back.

About six month months ago (it's a blur) she told me when she was extremely emotional that she wished I wouldn't stay calm, and would rather I punch a wall or punch her in the face instead.  At that point I excused myself (I nearly snapped and screamed at her).  She came out of the room a few minutes later and mentioned oh-so-casually that she considered taking a handful of anti-anxiety pills, but settled on taking two (within the acceptable dose).

I didn't take her to the ER, but we talked.  She was extremely upset at my concern -- She would never hurt herself, I should know that, yadda yadda yadda.

A day or so later in MC, the therapist sent us to the ER afterwards.  Wife made the visit all about a migraine, needed morphine, etc... .  I tried to get her to tell the doc about what she had said, and she told me more disturbing stuff.  She prays she dies every day, prays sometimes that I die, every Christian woman should hope that she or her husband dies to be with Jesus.  I offered to tell the doc for her, and she threatened to hit me in the face and divorce me.

Left the room, told the doc.  She wasn't seen as an immediate threat, but didn't see a psych that night.  The week before she left for rehab she punched a hole in a closet door.

So now she wants to return, and we still haven't had a family session with a therapist.  I'm insisting on it; she's extremely upset, and demanding to know exactly what she needs to say for me to let her come back.

I'm struggling to explain that I want to resolve the suicidal and potentially homicidal ideation before she comes back.  I'm not exactly fired up over the idea of her coming back (I'm on the "undecided board", after all), but for crying out loud I am so frustrated just trying to get through the next few weeks (April 6th is our scheduled session, via telephone for me).

I'm just grateful that I can stall on replying to an e-mail for a few hours.  These are the types of conversations I often end up having to take a time out on.

I'm just extremely frustrated with having her ignore some of the issues (she prays that I die), denying other parts (threatened to punch me), and demanding to know what she has to say, when it's what has to be done.  The fact that she's a few thousand miles away while throwing this tantrum makes the idea of not having her come back more appealing.

Thanks for listening.  If I can get through tomorrow, it'll be a well earned weekend.

Gomez

[gomez_addams]

Just to add: it's the fact that she's focusing on one thing she denies (the threat of hitting me), and the fact that I've never brought that up.  We spoke several times about her desire for me to die and my concern over it.  So of course her recent e-mails are all about how I'm bringing up things from six months ago that I've never wanted to talk about.

She wants to agree to disagree (on the threat to hit me) and move on and drop it.  And buy a ticket.

I'm really not in the mood to compose this e-mail, but I don't need another 2am text message about how I didn't answer a question in an e-mail.

She changed the accusation in her last e-mail: she says I accused her of hitting me.  I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt that it's a typo.  I hope it's a typo. 

I'm frustrated.

Gomez.