Looking for support from other parents

[Juanita]

My daughter is 22 and was recently diagnosed with BPD, although she has probably had it a long time, maybe since about 11. I know very little about the condition but feel battered and bruised by the years of trying to cope with her. I think/hope she is now going to be getting the help she needs but I think I need help too. I would love to connect with other parents as I think this would help me understand and come to terms with everything. My daughter has a 4 year old son and I would also like to know how I can best protect him.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi Juanita

Welcome to the Parent's Board.  We're glad  you are here!

Feeling battered and bruised is something we can identify with.  It's like a never ending battle and we carry around the pain and trauma with us for years.

It's good to hear that you think your daughter may be getting some help.  Is she in therapy?

We all need help to deal with this terrible disorder that affects our children... .what affects our family affects us.  We are here to help you get an understanding of the disorder, how it can affect your daughter and therefore her behaviors/belief system, learn skills that help the family, and support each other through all of it.

You are not alone!

Here is a good overview of BPD to begin your understanding journey:  Video: Back from the Edge

Please come back and talk about it with us... .Comments, questions, how you see it applying to your daughter/your life!

We want to help.

 

lbj

[trytrytry]

Juanita,

I too want to welcome you to this wonderful site.  I felt so completely alone w/ my DD28 until I found this site and read story after story that reminded me of mine.  I was no longer alone.  I also read about practical ways to live with this disorder day to day- which over time have helped me with all my relationships.

Best wishes on your journey.  I look forward to hearing more of your story as well.

[jaynebrain]

Hi Juanita!  Welcome to this board.  I am so sorry for what you are dealing with, you must be exhausted. I have a 21 year old who has been struggling basically since 9th grade, lots of drama and chaos and some very disturbing events. She has, however been open to therapy for a good portion of this time and lately (today) is doing well.  DBT has been such a gift for all of us.  I read on this site some months ago, from a gentleman (I am para phrasing) who said that through validation and skills that he learned intentionally, he had a new and good relationship with his daughter.  That was a precious thought to me.  Its very encouraging to hear that your daughter may be able to get some help. I hope she will have an open mind and stick with it - mindfulness and DBT have been amazing for us.  You are so wise in saying that you need help also, taking care of ourselves is the best gift we can give our mentally ill loved ones.  If we are grounded, it does make a difference to our loved ones.  I would encourage you to reach out here on this board and to a therapist/counselor, support group.  My husband and I have found a lot of good support, education and validation at the NAMI Family to Family class in our area - you might check out their website to see what classes and groups they offer close to you. 

I hope that today is a good day 

[livednlearned]

Hi Juanita,

How are you doing? I wanted to join the others in saying hello and welcoming you. Is you daughter accepting her diagnosis and willing to get therapy to help her cope?

It is challenging to support someone who has BPD, and it can be very hard to watch a small child try to cope. Do you get to see your grandson often? If so, the same skill that jaynebrain mentioned -- validation -- can be very powerful with a young child. We have an article about validating younger children in particular that might be helpful: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273414.msg12586462#msg12586462

What aspects of your daughter's parenting are you most concerned about?

I believe you will be greatly comforted by the support here and the fact that we really understand what you are going through. We've all been there to varying degrees. Take care of yourself, and I hope you'll let us know how you're doing.

LnL