missing my BPD ex

[mrx3883]

i only recently realized recently after going through endless information online to find out my ex has traits of BPD. how at first things went so quickly and she fell in love with me so quickly and i was at an all time high because she made me feel like  a king. she would show and tell me how much i meant to her and that she couldn't believe she met me and that she couldn't live without me. like they say i was her savior and that's what made me fall in love. the fact that someone loved me for who i was and everything about me. she filled that void deep down inside me and i have never felt that way before. as time went by and the over expression of love for me went. anything i did unintentionally wrong would drive her nuts. she broke up with me out of the blue and i was left thinking what did i possibly do wrong. i was always there and i always was by her side. petty things would annoy her to extent that i became the most annoying thing to her. she became depressed and left me. after the break up we still continued to talk and meet and have a love hate relationship. when we fought it was about how bad i was and how i was a terrible person. i coudlnt understand this how someone who idealized me and meant the world to suddenly hated me. she said she wanted me to stay away and after i figured out she had traits of BPD and it all made sense. currently i'm in NC because i'm waiting for her to get through this period where she hates, waiting for her to remember the good things she feels about me so i can talk to her properly and try and help her and work it out between us. i do love her and even though its unhealthy for me i know i can at least try, i mean if i do truly love her isn't that the right thing to do or am i just setting myself up. 

[getting_better]

Hey, MrX - welcome to the boards. Sorry for the pain you're in.  We all understand it and can empathize all too well.

Everything you've described about your ex fits exactly with my soon-to-be-ex wife.  I've been with her 23 years, and I can tell you it's been an absolute roller coaster of emotion.  Constant ups and downs that have led me to utter exhaustion.  We're at the beginning of divorce proceedings, and I can tell you that I know I'll miss her.  We've been separated for 10 months, and I find myself missing her frequently, but what I don't miss is the ever-present anxiety and knot in my stomach.  

There were a lot of good days in our relationship, but I just can't handle the bad ones anymore.  My serenity, emotional safety, and peace just aren't worth it.  

Don't know if my story helps, but in my experience love isn't enough.  It's certainly an essential ingredient in a relationship - but it hasn't been enough to save us.

[mrx3883]

hi getting better, im sorry to hear that, i can only begin to imagine how you feel. you're right, love is essencial but not enough, i guess im dwelling on the good memories and how she made me feel before rahter than now. i keep thinking that that will come again and it nearly did a few times. i think now i am aware i will not just rely on hope. i know what the situation is and i will be cautious. thank you for your comment, it helps knowing im not alone