Introduction

[Still blessed]

• What type of relationship are you in?
  
  I'm a mother of an adult son with BPD traits, among other things.   

• Who else (if anyone), in child's family, has BPD?
  
  My son's father has BPD traits. I left the marriage 17 years ago not knowing what BPD was but just knowing that the relationship was intolerable to me.

• What is your child's strongest quality?
  
  My son is so intelligent and he is kind and caring when he is not in the grips of emotional turmoil. His nature is empathetic and thoughtful.

• What are the top challenges your child is facing?
  
  He currently has not a friend in the world. He has his brother, his father and me and he regularly lashes out against us. He finds most people uninteresting. He feels insecure about his masculinity and he struggles to land and keep a job.

• What do you find most difficult in dealing with your child?
  
  It's a huge challenge to balance giving him unconditional love and setting my own personal boundaries.

• How would you categorize your child? Diagnosed? Undiagnosed?
  
  My son has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I recognize some traits of BPD in him.

• What do you struggle with yourself?[/b
  
    I struggle to know how to react to him with clarity and backbone. I have been afraid of him for many years, though I continue to try to control my fear reaction. I am now starting to suspect that my fear as a mother triggered his abandonment fears because he may have perceived me to be weak and thus not fully capable.

• Is anyone in therapy? Child? Parents?
  
  If so, what types?
  
  Many therapists and psychiatrists in the past, but none at this time.

• What are your goals at bpdfamily.com?
  
  To learn more and gain insight into the dynamics between my son and myself, to get and give support implementing the tools and strategies we've been learning. It is when he is in the grips of dysregulation that I feel most overwhelmed and therefore least capable. I hope to be able to turn to the community here at those difficult times to reinforce the skills I'm learning and use them as a way to handle those stressful situations.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello Still Blessed 

Welcome to the site and the Parent's board.  We are so glad to have you with us!

You have come to the right place to get support for yourself and develop your skills.  We understand your struggles and can offer insights from our own personal experiences and successes.  Responding thoughtfully, compassionately, and confidently during episodes of high emotion is one of the greatest struggles we all face.

The good news is that it can be done and done consistently enough to affect positive change in ourselves, our relationship with our children, and within our children themselves.

There are many skills that can help achieve this.  Boundary setting, validation, validating questions,  and SET responses are amongst the most affective.  Based on what you have written thus far it may be necessary for you begin with Boundaries to create a safe emotional space for you to learn about and begin to practice the other skills.

You can begin to get a good understanding of Boundaries by reading more about it in this link:   https://bpdfamily.com/parenting/06.htm  Within this Lesson you will find other links to gain a more indepth understanding of Boundaries and their important role in our lives and lives of our suffering children.

Feel free to ask questions about Boundaries and anything else you would like information or understanding about and we will do our best to help. 

I am wondering if your son lives with you in your home and if his brother also is living with you.

I look forward to learning more about you and how to best support you going forward.

lbjnltx

[livednlearned]

Hello Still Blessed,

I wanted to join lbjnltx in welcoming you to the site. You have found the best place in the world for understanding, compassion and education.

Reading your story is like reading an adult version of my teenage son. I, too, was married to someone with BPD traits and divorced him. My son is my only child (he's 13). He's been diagnosed with anxiety/depression and is seeing a psychiatrist. Currently, no medication. I see signs of BPD in him, and have been reading and learning as much as I can, trying to understand how to create a validating environment for him. He has a similar disposition to how you describe your son -- intelligent, thoughtful, caring.

Is your son likable, but he chooses to isolate? What kind of therapy has he received? Does your son still have a relationship with his dad? Sorry to pepper you with questions 

Please tell us more when you're comfortable doing so, and let us know how things are going for you and your son.

LnL