Constant Misinterpret... Poor me

[FigureIt]

My uBPDbf's birthday was last week.  The actual day fell during the week, but I had planned a surprise party for him the weekend after.  Prior to his birthday I asked him what he would like, was told "nothing."  On his actual birthday I wished him happy birthday and then offered to take him out to dinner, he said "no", so I offered to make him whatever dinner he would like, he told me "nothing".  Come to find out 2 days later while out with some guy friends (who were invited to the surprise party), he was claiming how he "GOT NOTHING" for his birthday and "He was going to remember this!" Etc. 

I didn't make a big deal on his actual birthday, BUT I did ask to take him to dinner or make him whatever he wanted.  I feel like saying "HA! you got more than you deserve with the party I threw you and how dare you say you got nothing." 

[Loosestrife]

My uBPDbf's birthday was last week.  The actual day fell during the week, but I had planned a surprise party for him the weekend after.  Prior to his birthday I asked him what he would like, was told "nothing."  On his actual birthday I wished him happy birthday and then offered to take him out to dinner, he said "no", so I offered to make him whatever dinner he would like, he told me "nothing".  Come to find out 2 days later while out with some guy friends (who were invited to the surprise party), he was claiming how he "GOT NOTHING" for his birthday and "He was going to remember this!" Etc. 

I didn't make a big deal on his actual birthday, BUT I did ask to take him to dinner or make him whatever he wanted.  I feel like saying "HA! you got more than you deserve with the party I threw you and how dare you say you got nothing." 

Is he depressed? 'Nothing' sounds a bit self pitying

[cosmonaut]

That must hurt to feel like your efforts weren't appreciated.  I'm sorry, FigureIt.  Have you had his surprise party, then?  Did he enjoy it? 

Why do you think he might have felt that you didn't care?  Does he often do something like this - say one thing, but expect another?  Is it something that you might be able to preempt in the future?  (Which isn't to say that you did anything wrong at all, btw.   )

[vortex of confusion]

Was it two days after his actual birthday or two days after the party?

Did you get him an actual gift or did you consider the party his gift? Some people have different notions of what it means to get something for a birthday. Offering to cook dinner, etc. may not have qualified as a gift. Not only that, but some people are negative and don't want to see the positive.

How do you know that he was telling his friends this? Did he tell you this or did his friends tell you this? Could there be some triangulation going on?

[FigureIt]

My uBPDbf's birthday was last week.  The actual day fell during the week, but I had planned a surprise party for him the weekend after.  Prior to his birthday I asked him what he would like, was told "nothing."  On his actual birthday I wished him happy birthday and then offered to take him out to dinner, he said "no", so I offered to make him whatever dinner he would like, he told me "nothing".  Come to find out 2 days later while out with some guy friends (who were invited to the surprise party), he was claiming how he "GOT NOTHING" for his birthday and "He was going to remember this!" Etc. 

I didn't make a big deal on his actual birthday, BUT I did ask to take him to dinner or make him whatever he wanted.  I feel like saying "HA! you got more than you deserve with the party I threw you and how dare you say you got nothing." 

Is he depressed? 'Nothing' sounds a bit self pitying

I don't think he is depressed, but many things he says are "self-pitying". When I say I'd rather do something other than sit at a bar for six hours, he interprets it as I don't want to be out with him.

[FigureIt]

That must hurt to feel like your efforts weren't appreciated.  I'm sorry, FigureIt.  Have you had his surprise party, then?  Did he enjoy it? 

Why do you think he might have felt that you didn't care?  Does he often do something like this - say one thing, but expect another?  Is it something that you might be able to preempt in the future?  (Which isn't to say that you did anything wrong at all, btw.   )

The surprise party was after and he enjoyed it and did say thank you.  He does often say one thing and expect another. I did try to preempt it and ask what he wanted.  The first thing he told me was something that wasn't attainable. Then he said "I don't want anything." 

I have bought him things in the past and he doesn't use them and they go to waste.  One year I bought him a tonaeu cover for his truck, for 2 years it sat in the box, never put on and then he traded the truck in, total waste of money.

The next year I bought him a golf club (driver). I told him to pick out which one he wanted and I would pay for it. (Golf clubs are very individual and you need to like it) it cost me $300+, he complained he didn't get it on his actual birthday.

[FigureIt]

Was it two days after his actual birthday or two days after the party?

Did you get him an actual gift or did you consider the party his gift? Some people have different notions of what it means to get something for a birthday. Offering to cook dinner, etc. may not have qualified as a gift. Not only that, but some people are negative and don't want to see the positive.

How do you know that he was telling his friends this? Did he tell you this or did his friends tell you this? Could there be some triangulation going on?

Going out was 2 days after his actual birthday and 1day before the party. I rent a video golf game for the party that he and his friends like to play as his gift.

His friend stated right to me and my mother was present how the night before he was "crying in his beer" about how he didn't get anything and he was going to remember this.

Don't think it was direct triangulation.

I was upset in that I did specifically asked multiple times "what would you like for your birthday?" And was told nothing. Then he goes and spreads stories as if he is so neglected... .

[cosmonaut]

The surprise party was after and he enjoyed it and did say thank you.  He does often say one thing and expect another. I did try to preempt it and ask what he wanted.  The first thing he told me was something that wasn't attainable. Then he said "I don't want anything." 

I have bought him things in the past and he doesn't use them and they go to waste.  One year I bought him a tonaeu cover for his truck, for 2 years it sat in the box, never put on and then he traded the truck in, total waste of money.

The next year I bought him a golf club (driver). I told him to pick out which one he wanted and I would pay for it. (Golf clubs are very individual and you need to like it) it cost me $300+, he complained he didn't get it on his actual birthday.

I understand.  It indeed sounds like a difficult situation.  I think you tried as best as you could to celebrate his birthday, and I know it hurts to not have our efforts appreciated.  I'm sorry you're experiencing that; it's hard.  We can ultimately only do so much, and sometimes our best efforts aren't appreciated.  I remember that from my relationship too, and it's frustrating.

I'm glad to hear that he enjoyed the party and thanked you for it, though!  That's really positive.  Did that feel good?

[Loosestrife]

My SO is negative quite a lot and I spend slot of time pulling her into the positive light... .it is extremely draining.