"Dear clown" my letter of good riddance

[summeralyssa]

Dear arrested development alcoholic 41-year-old child,

I'm writing this as I lay in bed with my son watching night at the museum.  

I am very disappointed in your behaviour,  

You drank my vodka and not only did you abuse me after doing so, but you filled it up with water to make it look like I wouldn't notice.  The cork exploded inside the fridge and the water expanded into ice so much so that it was leaking out.  If I hadn't found it in time, the fridge and floor would have been ruined.  

You called me boring and no fun.  This is unacceptable along with your abuse and cruel taunts.  

You are an alcoholic.  You are a drunk.  You are mentally ill.  You are useless as a spouse.  

You know it.  That's why you lash out at me and it only reflects on your bad attitude, negative existence, and various failures.  You are a liar,  

You are manipulative.  Worst of all, you made me believe and open my heart for a moment only to be totally humiliated in front of your entire family by your butt wiping, uneducated, thieving liar and piece of horse turd greedy money hungry ugly sister.  That is your issue.  Not mine.  She's your problem.  Not mine.  She stole over 100 000 dollars from your parents and lives without consequences, and had the audacity to trash me?  No wonder.  I would likely have that kind of an inflated irrational ego too if my parents let me literally steal from them and still keep handing out MORE and MORE - again and again and again.  Her behaviour reflects the lack of etiquette, culture and class in your extended and nuclear family but, more importantly, suggests that you have also LIED to her about ME.  I suspect that you actually set me up for that humiliation unknowingly but, again, to self sabotage our relationship... .because you just ended up blaming ME anyway!  Again - as usual, as always.  

I said nothing out of respect for myself.  Children behave like that.  Not grown adults.  

You promised I would come firstl. That was a lie.  You promised everything else would come second. Again, another lie.  

You're weak.  You're gutless,  you're also terrified of life and there is NO way you could run any business alone.  Your SISTER needs you and you clearly prefer her.  Any psychiatrist would tell you that your borderline addictive arrested development life is ridiculous; they would tell you to GROW UP; MOVE OUT; stop having mommy & daddy enable your every behaviour; stop having tantrums; get your OWN life; your OWN employment; and that you are responsible 100% for your dependency on them; your borderline personality; your alcoholism; and your addictive, crude, inappropriate behaviours & personality.  

You are also VERY UGLY.  Your personality and approach to life have turned what was once an attractive, talented man into a wrinkled; prematurely aged; BLACK HOLES around your now lifeless formerly spectacularly green eyes; elongated ears from sun overexposure & damage; and the list goes on and on.  :)espite ALL of your flaws, I loved you and was committed - and still, you have gone even further with every single month that passes us by.  

Grow up.  Move out.  Get a life.  You can't even pay a phone bill on time!  Yet you put ME down?  I have a little teensy house with a small little law office where I help mostly poverty-stricken individuals with their family problems.  I am quite aware of who and what I am.  

I have inheritances too!  But they don't rule me and I don't give a turd about any of it.  I don't need any of it to be fulfilled or succeed or hold my head up with pride.  I don't need my parents or anyone to lay a foundation for me so that I can act like I'm cool. You do.  I have a degree and that's all I need in the world.  I also have friends.  Real ones who are my family now.  Not liars.  Not jerks.  No ulterior motives.  People who like the real me and who do not abuse me; want to see me happy, successful, and who genuinely try to be there for me in return.  You know nothing of this kind of altruism and you have NO CONCEPT of how to be a friend.  You're selfish; pathetic; self-centred; egomaniacal; and, in my honest opinion, totally delusional and insane.  

I believed you wanted me.  But you want someone who says nothing, has sex with you whenever, and who sits in a corner eating fecal excrement as it is shovelled in droves.  That's not me.  That wil NEVER be me.  

So party on.  I'm sure your alcoholic life and dedication to being as unhealthy as possible will comfort you In your damp, cold, isolating existence of a hole in that horrible basement you refer to as home.  YOUR PARENT'S HOME.  YOUR CELL.  YOUR "comfort" and your self-fulfilling prophecy that you will keep working for your parents as an underpaid, almost poverty-stricken loser without a high school education; without any trade certifications; without ANY tangible success to account for your pitiful life.  

Keep telling yourself all the lies about me... .keep reassuring yourself that I'm the problem.  I'm not.  I never was.  I know this.  And nothing you do or say or lie or lash or abuse will ever sway me again.  

You have no power over me.  You never did and you never will.  

I hope alcohol, cocaine, two abortions, at least six job losses , four different apartments, failed attempt at rehab, failure to seek help, failure to go to aa, loss of license, guilty pleas and a trip to JAIL prove to you that I'm the problem.  Yup.  I'm responsible for all of that.  I am OFF your crazy train forever and I don't give a flying F what you do, think, say, text, post, lie, manipulate, or f... .you are a demonic, evil person to say that you are "too busy" after I was in a serious car accident & almost killed (along with my child)... .that's so amazing of you.  but I AM THE PROBLEM.  I'm the one at fault all of the time.  I"m to blame for your drinking; your failures at life; your lack of money; your mental health - I'm the crazy one.  I most certainly AM NOT.  

[JohnLove]

WOW. That was quite a rant. I don't know if sending it will help any but I hope that was a relief getting all that out. Take it easy on yourself because the person you speak of obviously hasn't. 

[summeralyssa]

WOW. That was quite a rant. I don't know if sending it will help any but I hope that was a relief getting all that out. Take it easy on yourself because the person you speak of obviously hasn't. 

Thanks.  I posted it here bc I don't want to deal w him ever again. I needed to let it out and I appreciate all the reads... .and ears.  Xo

[itgirl]

seems like you are better off without him.  Good for you. 

[bunnyrabit]

You drank my vodka

Hate it when they do that, them pesky BPD's huh?

[parisian]

It's good to get the anger out. That is a stage of grief that we all go through, although it waxes between the other stages too. It is good to write that down and then reflect during times when you *think* you are missing them. It's a good reminder of exactly what you thought you were missing.

[Wood stock]

Your letter was awesome and I may plagiarize some of it for my own letter. My heart really hurts for you because I get it... .I really do. Wow. Stay angry--it keeps you strong. Then eventually the anger will go away and hopefully you will be on the other side of this.

[downwhim]

I am so glad you have this board to post on and vent your anger. Great to get your feelings out and state the facts as they are. What pain he has put you through... .they go to great lengths to hurt us but lack empathy which is what you will get here instead.

[ogopogodude]

Dear arrested development alcoholic 41-year-old child,

I'm writing this as I lay in bed with my son watching night at the museum. 

I am very disappointed in your behaviour, 

You drank my vodka and not only did you abuse me after doing so, but you filled it up with water to make it look like I wouldn't notice.  The cork exploded inside the fridge and the water expanded into ice so much so that it was leaking out.  If I hadn't found it in time, the fridge and floor would have been ruined. 

You called me boring and no fun.  This is unacceptable along with your abuse and cruel taunts. 

You are an alcoholic.  You are a drunk.  You are mentally ill.  You are useless as a spouse. 

You know it.  That's why you lash out at me and it only reflects on your bad attitude, negative existence, and various failures.  You are a liar, 

You are manipulative.  Worst of all, you made me believe and open my heart for a moment only to be totally humiliated in front of your entire family by your butt wiping, uneducated, thieving liar and piece of horse turd greedy money hungry ugly sister.  That is your issue.  Not mine.  She's your problem.  Not mine.  She stole over 100 000 dollars from your parents and lives without consequences, and had the audacity to trash me?  No wonder.  I would likely have that kind of an inflated irrational ego too if my parents let me literally steal from them and still keep handing out MORE and MORE - again and again and again.  Her behaviour reflects the lack of etiquette, culture and class in your extended and nuclear family but, more importantly, suggests that you have also LIED to her about ME.  I suspect that you actually set me up for that humiliation unknowingly but, again, to self sabotage our relationship... .because you just ended up blaming ME anyway!  Again - as usual, as always. 

I said nothing out of respect for myself.  Children behave like that.  Not grown adults. 

You promised I would come firstl. That was a lie.  You promised everything else would come second. Again, another lie. 

You're weak.  You're gutless,  you're also terrified of life and there is NO way you could run any business alone.  Your SISTER needs you and you clearly prefer her.  Any psychiatrist would tell you that your borderline addictive arrested development life is ridiculous; they would tell you to GROW UP; MOVE OUT; stop having mommy & daddy enable your every behaviour; stop having tantrums; get your OWN life; your OWN employment; and that you are responsible 100% for your dependency on them; your borderline personality; your alcoholism; and your addictive, crude, inappropriate behaviours & personality. 

You are also VERY UGLY.  Your personality and approach to life have turned what was once an attractive, talented man into a wrinkled; prematurely aged; BLACK HOLES around your now lifeless formerly spectacularly green eyes; elongated ears from sun overexposure & damage; and the list goes on and on.  Despite ALL of your flaws, I loved you and was committed - and still, you have gone even further with every single month that passes us by. 

Grow up.  Move out.  Get a life.  You can't even pay a phone bill on time!  Yet you put ME down?  I have a little teensy house with a small little law office where I help mostly poverty-stricken individuals with their family problems.  I am quite aware of who and what I am. 

I have inheritances too!  But they don't rule me and I don't give a turd about any of it.  I don't need any of it to be fulfilled or succeed or hold my head up with pride.  I don't need my parents or anyone to lay a foundation for me so that I can act like I'm cool. You do.  I have a degree and that's all I need in the world.  I also have friends.  Real ones who are my family now.  Not liars.  Not jerks.  No ulterior motives.  People who like the real me and who do not abuse me; want to see me happy, successful, and who genuinely try to be there for me in return.  You know nothing of this kind of altruism and you have NO CONCEPT of how to be a friend.  You're selfish; pathetic; self-centred; egomaniacal; and, in my honest opinion, totally delusional and insane. 

I believed you wanted me.  But you want someone who says nothing, has sex with you whenever, and who sits in a corner eating fecal excrement as it is shovelled in droves.  That's not me.  That wil NEVER be me. 

So party on.  I'm sure your alcoholic life and dedication to being as unhealthy as possible will comfort you In your damp, cold, isolating existence of a hole in that horrible basement you refer to as home.  YOUR PARENT'S HOME.  YOUR CELL.  YOUR "comfort" and your self-fulfilling prophecy that you will keep working for your parents as an underpaid, almost poverty-stricken loser without a high school education; without any trade certifications; without ANY tangible success to account for your pitiful life. 

Keep telling yourself all the lies about me... .keep reassuring yourself that I'm the problem.  I'm not.  I never was.  I know this.  And nothing you do or say or lie or lash or abuse will ever sway me again. 

You have no power over me.  You never did and you never will. 

I hope alcohol, cocaine, two abortions, at least six job losses , four different apartments, failed attempt at rehab, failure to seek help, failure to go to aa, loss of license, guilty pleas and a trip to JAIL prove to you that I'm the problem.  Yup.  I'm responsible for all of that.  I am OFF your crazy train forever and I don't give a flying F what you do, think, say, text, post, lie, manipulate, or f... .you are a demonic, evil person to say that you are "too busy" after I was in a serious car accident & almost killed (along with my child)... .that's so amazing of you.  but I AM THE PROBLEM.  I'm the one at fault all of the time.  I"m to blame for your drinking; your failures at life; your lack of money; your mental health - I'm the crazy one.  I most certainly AM NOT.   

Thank you for  your post.  This is pretty much my life as well.  I want to write al this out word for word and send it to my unemployed (ex)wife that has BPD (officially undiagnosed due to her refusal to accept medical care). But  there is no point.  I will look like the bad guy for just sending it to her (as it will get into the hands of her Beverly HillBillies family members that do nothing but enable her and give her all she wants.

I am sure that it must have felt good to write it out, ... .but keep in mind, that ALREADY,  YOUR friends & YOUR family members ALREADY KNOW that all that you stated in your letter is truth and factual.  It is really a document for validation of YOUR own thoughts, and such.  This letter is a letter for YOU.  It is NOT a letter for your once-love-of-your-life-if-not-soul-mate.  This person has changed.  You have not.  You have values and morals from which you will not stray. 

Well done.  I now do not have to write such a letter, as you did this for me.  I thank you,... .     

[summeralyssa]

I had to leave this behind... .i'm back again, of course.  I'm so very sorry that I missed all of the kind replies.  I truly am.  I"m here anytime to listen!    just private message me.  always happy to lend some e-love and hugs to my fellow BPD family. 

Dear arrested development alcoholic 41-year-old child,

I'm writing this as I lay in bed with my son watching night at the museum. 

I am very disappointed in your behaviour, 

You drank my vodka and not only did you abuse me after doing so, but you filled it up with water to make it look like I wouldn't notice.  The cork exploded inside the fridge and the water expanded into ice so much so that it was leaking out.  If I hadn't found it in time, the fridge and floor would have been ruined. 

You called me boring and no fun.  This is unacceptable along with your abuse and cruel taunts. 

You are an alcoholic.  You are a drunk.  You are mentally ill.  You are useless as a spouse. 

You know it.  That's why you lash out at me and it only reflects on your bad attitude, negative existence, and various failures.  You are a liar, 

You are manipulative.  Worst of all, you made me believe and open my heart for a moment only to be totally humiliated in front of your entire family by your butt wiping, uneducated, thieving liar and piece of horse turd greedy money hungry ugly sister.  That is your issue.  Not mine.  She's your problem.  Not mine.  She stole over 100 000 dollars from your parents and lives without consequences, and had the audacity to trash me?  No wonder.  I would likely have that kind of an inflated irrational ego too if my parents let me literally steal from them and still keep handing out MORE and MORE - again and again and again.  Her behaviour reflects the lack of etiquette, culture and class in your extended and nuclear family but, more importantly, suggests that you have also LIED to her about ME.  I suspect that you actually set me up for that humiliation unknowingly but, again, to self sabotage our relationship... .because you just ended up blaming ME anyway!  Again - as usual, as always. 

I said nothing out of respect for myself.  Children behave like that.  Not grown adults. 

You promised I would come firstl. That was a lie.  You promised everything else would come second. Again, another lie. 

You're weak.  You're gutless,  you're also terrified of life and there is NO way you could run any business alone.  Your SISTER needs you and you clearly prefer her.  Any psychiatrist would tell you that your borderline addictive arrested development life is ridiculous; they would tell you to GROW UP; MOVE OUT; stop having mommy & daddy enable your every behaviour; stop having tantrums; get your OWN life; your OWN employment; and that you are responsible 100% for your dependency on them; your borderline personality; your alcoholism; and your addictive, crude, inappropriate behaviours & personality. 

You are also VERY UGLY.  Your personality and approach to life have turned what was once an attractive, talented man into a wrinkled; prematurely aged; BLACK HOLES around your now lifeless formerly spectacularly green eyes; elongated ears from sun overexposure & damage; and the list goes on and on.  Despite ALL of your flaws, I loved you and was committed - and still, you have gone even further with every single month that passes us by. 

Grow up.  Move out.  Get a life.  You can't even pay a phone bill on time!  Yet you put ME down?  I have a little teensy house with a small little law office where I help mostly poverty-stricken individuals with their family problems.  I am quite aware of who and what I am. 

I have inheritances too!  But they don't rule me and I don't give a turd about any of it.  I don't need any of it to be fulfilled or succeed or hold my head up with pride.  I don't need my parents or anyone to lay a foundation for me so that I can act like I'm cool. You do.  I have a degree and that's all I need in the world.  I also have friends.  Real ones who are my family now.  Not liars.  Not jerks.  No ulterior motives.  People who like the real me and who do not abuse me; want to see me happy, successful, and who genuinely try to be there for me in return.  You know nothing of this kind of altruism and you have NO CONCEPT of how to be a friend.  You're selfish; pathetic; self-centred; egomaniacal; and, in my honest opinion, totally delusional and insane. 

I believed you wanted me.  But you want someone who says nothing, has sex with you whenever, and who sits in a corner eating fecal excrement as it is shovelled in droves.  That's not me.  That wil NEVER be me. 

So party on.  I'm sure your alcoholic life and dedication to being as unhealthy as possible will comfort you In your damp, cold, isolating existence of a hole in that horrible basement you refer to as home.  YOUR PARENT'S HOME.  YOUR CELL.  YOUR "comfort" and your self-fulfilling prophecy that you will keep working for your parents as an underpaid, almost poverty-stricken loser without a high school education; without any trade certifications; without ANY tangible success to account for your pitiful life. 

Keep telling yourself all the lies about me... .keep reassuring yourself that I'm the problem.  I'm not.  I never was.  I know this.  And nothing you do or say or lie or lash or abuse will ever sway me again. 

You have no power over me.  You never did and you never will. 

I hope alcohol, cocaine, two abortions, at least six job losses , four different apartments, failed attempt at rehab, failure to seek help, failure to go to aa, loss of license, guilty pleas and a trip to JAIL prove to you that I'm the problem.  Yup.  I'm responsible for all of that.  I am OFF your crazy train forever and I don't give a flying F what you do, think, say, text, post, lie, manipulate, or f... .you are a demonic, evil person to say that you are "too busy" after I was in a serious car accident & almost killed (along with my child)... .that's so amazing of you.  but I AM THE PROBLEM.  I'm the one at fault all of the time.  I"m to blame for your drinking; your failures at life; your lack of money; your mental health - I'm the crazy one.  I most certainly AM NOT.   

Thank you for  your post.  This is pretty much my life as well.  I want to write al this out word for word and send it to my unemployed (ex)wife that has BPD (officially undiagnosed due to her refusal to accept medical care). But  there is no point.  I will look like the bad guy for just sending it to her (as it will get into the hands of her Beverly HillBillies family members that do nothing but enable her and give her all she wants.

I am sure that it must have felt good to write it out, ... .but keep in mind, that ALREADY,  YOUR friends & YOUR family members ALREADY KNOW that all that you stated in your letter is truth and factual.  It is really a document for validation of YOUR own thoughts, and such.  This letter is a letter for YOU.  It is NOT a letter for your once-love-of-your-life-if-not-soul-mate.  This person has changed.  You have not.  You have values and morals from which you will not stray. 

Well done.  I now do not have to write such a letter, as you did this for me.  I thank you,... .