Need Help/Advice

[NycNiceGuy]

So my exBPDgf and I broke up sometime in March and I have gone thru about a million emotions and thought I was moving forward about a lot. I tried NC but she then threatened to blackmail me if I didn't keep some contact with her so I have been relatively LC. Over the past couple of weeks we talk a little bit, nothing major just small talk. She complains about her home life and her mother. I tell her if she needs to talk she can. After that she usually says shes leaving or tells me I am smothering her so I don't continue the conversation. This is exactly why I broke up with her in the first place.

I could not keep up with the constant watching what I said/everything setting her off. So this leads to last night. Things have been mildly okay between us and she was concerned about a social event next week that we will both be at. I promised her I would not make it weird if she didn't. My intentions with her are to just make sure she is mentally stable. A relationship is the last thing I want right now. Here is the issue. So she was hanging out with some friends late and I offered to give them a ride so they wouldn't need to wait for a bus. I head over there and not having a phone waited 15 minutes for them to come outside. No people, no response nothing. My exes grandfather then came home and saw me in my car and simply waved. I thought nothing of it. I figured he would tell her that I was waiting outside. 5 more minutes and no one came outside so I left.

When I get home to check my messages and find out what happened I am swarmed with messages from her friends that she is in a world of trouble and that I shouldn't of been there even tho he knew I was going to be there. They kept arguing and yelling at me so I snapped. Told them to relax. I have become very close with my ex's mother and talked to her about all of this. At which point I get a message from my ex claiming she found out who was telling her parents everything and that I sent her to the hospital last week, and how I have been stalking her... .None of the above are true. Me and her mother do discuss her at times, I heard about the hospital trip and was concerned (did not make the call) As for stalking her I am happy to say I have been focusing on my own life and haven't been putting too much thought to my ex.

My ex then continues to tell me how much of a jerk I am and deletes more photos of us on facebook and instagram, then posts a status about having her friends block and delete me and claiming I sent her to the hospital. Then she blocks me... .I am not sure what to do anymore. I know I should stay NC I simply can't because of her blackmail. I am not sure if this is the final straw. I am scared she will intiate contact again. Should I expect her to unblock me? Is it finally over forever? Its true I am not completely over her but we had a long 2-3 year fling and we have a lot of love for one another whether she can show it or not. I guess I am just curious if BPD's have come back after much worse offenses. Ugh. I wanted to sleep tonight and then all of this. Please help.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mike-X]

Wow. You were thrown a lot of guilt-laden accusations. I can imagine all of this de-centering you.

Remember putting a boundary of not JADEing in place is good to try to apply to all relationships, not just those with pwBPD. Although I understand the gut feeling of wanting to respond to the friends and all on FB, it would have been fair enough for you to pause, close the computer, and respond or not respond later when you were feeling more centered. It is like walking away, for you to get re-centered, during a dysregulated exchange with a pwBPD.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=228111.0

Also, can you elaborate on your desire to go no contact but her blackmailing you to remain low contact and also remaining in contact with her mother?

[NycNiceGuy]

I cannot go no contact with her in fear of some blackmail she has on me. Which when she is in one of her I want to talk to you moods has stated that if I didn't continue being there for her she would post certain things. As for contacting her mother. My mom died a year ago and she has been very helpful since. Me and her mom dont talk as much anymore but she works at the college I attend. So each and every monday we cross paths because one of my classes is right next door to hers. So we do talk and it is usually along the lines of either she needs to vent or I need to vent or whatever. Also she has made a few suicide attempts in the past and I just worry about her well being sometimes. Its more of a I want to go no contact but I am scared too. However this blocking thing may just force that anyway. I don't know why she has to pull this stuff. Why shes spreading lies. I know I have become a BPD expert and this is all to be expected. I just need a space to get it all out there. Its so fresh . ugh!

[NycNiceGuy]

I am also curious to see if anyone has had worse situations and still have them come back. Should I expect this to be the final time or expect her to just act like nothing happened and one day talk to me again.

[Mike-X]

I am also curious to see if anyone has had worse situations and still have them come back. Should I expect this to be the final time or expect her to just act like nothing happened and one day talk to me again.

There is no way to tell, because there is lots of individual variability in expressed behaviors.

Have you read the following on how to breakup with someone with BPD:

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a110.htm