Does what they do constitute as torture

[DontGiveUpOnMe]

I wonder about the definitions of their behavior towards their children. Sometimes if taken out of the context of parent/caregiver... .and all the things they do is placed on a stranger toward a child its "terrible, horrifying, torture" but if its said the perpetrator is the mother and father its "a bad day, frustrating kids, too much work/home stress" These are things that have been said  by social workers entering my home endlessly and neighbors hearing the beatings... .

Is it excusable?

the gas lighting, the physical/mental punishments, the double binds.

Does the fact that a victim has "grown" into an adult suddenly make those punishments tolerable or different? because they feel the same to me, the only difference is now I'm constantly told to "just get out"

and quite frankly I would like not to live in a shelter where I don't have access to a computer to do homework or live with some kind of feeling that I even have the semblance of a "room" and I'm trying to finish school so I can decently get out to an actual "better life" not another crap hole.

Anyway, does what they do constitute as torture toward another human being? Because sometimes, it certainly feels like it.

[Kwamina]

Hi DontGiveUpOnMe

It's clear from your post that you've been through some very difficult things. I am very sorry you've had these experiences. The behavior of BPD parents can be very painful for their children. Outsiders looking in often only see snapshots or the masks that BPD parents can put on, yet their conclusions are still based on those snapshots or masks. As children we know that it's more than just a snapshot or incident, it's our daily experience. We also know that the mask of a perhaps kind or sweet parent, isn't the reality of what often goes on behind closed doors.

Anyway, does what they do constitute as torture toward another human being? Because sometimes, it certainly feels like it.

I understand why you ask this question. Are you familiar with the book 'Understanding the Borderline Mother' by Christine Ann Lawson? In the book she mentions the similarities between children of certain BPD parents and people that have been through war or prison camps. Could you perhaps tell us a bit more about the specific behaviors you're subjected to that you feel constitute torture?

[DontGiveUpOnMe]

Hi DontGiveUpOnMe

It's clear from your post that you've been through some very difficult things. I am very sorry you've had these experiences. The behavior of BPD parents can be very painful for their children. Outsiders looking in often only see snapshots or the masks that BPD parents can put on, yet their conclusions are still based on those snapshots or masks. As children we know that it's more than just a snapshot or incident, it's our daily experience. We also know that the mask of a perhaps kind or sweet parent, isn't the reality of what often goes on behind closed doors.

Anyway, does what they do constitute as torture toward another human being? Because sometimes, it certainly feels like it.

I understand why you ask this question. Are you familiar with the book 'Understanding the Borderline Mother' by Christine Ann Lawson? In the book she mentions the similarities between children of certain BPD parents and people that have been through war or prison camps. Could you perhaps tell us a bit more about the specific behaviors you're subjected to that you feel constitute torture?

can I tell  you in private message.

[Deb]

I wonder about the definitions of their behavior towards their children. Sometimes if taken out of the context of parent/caregiver... .and all the things they do is placed on a stranger toward a child its "terrible, horrifying, torture" but if its said the perpetrator is the mother and father its "a bad day, frustrating kids, too much work/home stress" These are things that have been said  by social workers entering my home endlessly and neighbors hearing the beatings... .

Is it excusable?

the gas lighting, the physical/mental punishments, the double binds.

Does the fact that a victim has "grown" into an adult suddenly make those punishments tolerable or different? because they feel the same to me, the only difference is now I'm constantly told to "just get out"

and quite frankly I would like not to live in a shelter where I don't have access to a computer to do homework or live with some kind of feeling that I even have the semblance of a "room" and I'm trying to finish school so I can decently get out to an actual "better life" not another crap hole.

Anyway, does what they do constitute as torture toward another human being? Because sometimes, it certainly feels like it.

Hi DontGiveUpOnMe,

L never thought about this until I was listening to the radio and heard the definition of orture under the Geneva Convention. I had to look it up on the net to be sure I heard correctly because one of the definitions was something I witnessed my dBPD sister do! I intervened that time I witnessed it because in my gut I knew it was wrong. My sister's response was that she did it all the time because she always got a confession! Well, sure, it works well on adults who have been in combat, why wouldn't it work on children? My sister's kids told me 1) intervening made it worse.  :'( and 2) that was one of her milder disciplines.  :'( This was after they became adults.

I wish you had another place to live.