I'm done

[Nosleepmom]

I have been dealing with a daughter with BPD/NPD for so many years -- I am just done!  I go from being next door to God himself one day, to the incarnation of the Devil the next.  Now she has decided to cut me out of her life again, and I am struggling because part of me knows that she is going to F up her life, and be running back and just wants to slam the door in her face when that happens.  When does it end?  When is enough ever enough? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[tristesse]

hello nosleepmom

I am so sorry that your DD has gone no contact. This can be tough, but even more so when we know they are not prepared to make wise choices and will eventually get into or cause trouble, and need us to swoop in and rescue them.

You asked, when does it end ? when is enough, enough? There is no right answer to that because every BPD is different. It ends when they get the proper Therapy and they work on themselves and getting better. some recover early and some never do... .For those instances, we work on ourselves and our responses and how we communicate with them. We set boundaries and then enforce, we use the proper communication tools.

Right now, you need to work on healing yourself. Take some time to get your mind focused and get yourself to a peaceful place. Do something for you, get a massage or have lunch with a friend. but pamper yourself for the next few days, and then begin the process of learning to use things SET, this way when the hammer drops and you need to save the day for your BPD DD, you will be prepared, armed and ready to go.

Good luck to you . Stay strong.

[Sad Mother]

I would like to be done with her but what holds me is my 2 1/2 year old grandson and the new baby girl due in June.  Like your situation she won't speak to me.  What did I do this time?  I dared to question her on her due date.  I was at her first midwife appointment and knew the date but on FB she continued to refer to a due date 3 weeks prior to that date.  She lives in Vancouver while I live in Ontario.  In a private message I told her I was confused and it went from there.  A half dozen sentences in total all of which I thought were done with tact on my part.  I would NEVER have questioned her except that she was talking of inducing at the 37 week mark which is too early.  My concern was for the health of my granddaughter so I took a leap and asked.  The next day I went on FB only to find I had been unfriended.  I called to ask why and she proceeded to scream at me as to being too busy to talk as she was working.  A lie.  I count on FB to be a part of her life and watch videos she posts of my grandson plus she was always too busy to talk on the phone.  As to Skype or FaceTime she's told me she needs at least 24 hours notice. Usually several days.  I called my son in law and cried on the phone to him for quite awhile.  He told me I should be patient.  That after the baby comes she will come around.  Yesterday was Mothers Day with no contact.  Last year I received a huge floral arrangement.  My birthday is on Saturday.  All of this is devastating no matter how many times it's happened before.  Today I messaged my son in law and asked for FaceTime with my grandson but so far no response.  I am so afraid now that by pouring my heart out to him and finally providing him with my own realization and suspicion of the past several years that she has BPD that he may be distancing himself from it all. He has enough dealing with her on a daily basis. 

[MammaMia]

Sad Mother

I am sorry for what you are going through.  Hormones are raging as well as your dd's uBPD.

She is an adult and has a husband.  My suggestion would be to consider letting your position as "Mother/caregiver" go for a while.  Step back.  Take care of yourself, and in time, her attitude may just change.  She may view your concern and desire to help as a threat ... .often pwBPD twist our intentions and see them as negatives.  She may actually think you believe she is stupid and not capable.  This is part of the disorder.  To her it is very real.

This is difficult with a new baby on the way, but you need to understand that she is a grown woman, and may not need or accept your help or advice.  Stop worrying about things you cannot control and focus on what you can do to make your own life better. 

Give it some distance and time.