Ending a very toxic BPD relationship . Cannot break away .

[Lu Lu]

Hi , I am desperate for help in what has become a living hell . I have been in a very toxic volatile relationship , that I have ended on many occasions .

We both suffer from mental health and I have been diagnosed with emotional instability , i have been going to therapy to help and it's real useful .

Through the whole relationship it seems to be a huge power struggle between us . There has been violence from her to me . She has had a very bad past and her family is very fragmented . She has no friends and to the outside world she is very outgoing , but says to me that in our relationship she can be herself and is very shy .

Throughout the time together she continuously lies to me , makes things up and I try to understand why .

I am not innocent myself and must be hard to be with at times . I go quiet and get very down , early on in the relationship I ended it with her and went back to my previous partner who I'd left for her . A drunken mistake and me trying to go back to the life I felt safer in .

I did not tell her about what happened , we got back together , she found out months later and confronted me and I told her the truth . I tried to explain that we had separated but to this day she says I was unfaithful . I really should of told her before we got back together , but I was scared and knew it was a mistake . I had been with my previous partner for 14 years and he is the father to our children . This was my first ever lesbian relationship .

We have battled through so many break ups , I always end it , but it's me that always goes running back .

It was four years ago I went back with ex and it gets thrown in my face every time . For the sake of our children , we remained friends and I'd happily let him in the house when he dropped our son home and let him see our older daughters . We used to talk lots about his new girlfriends etc and life in general . He held a flame for me I'm sure , but we were friends and even though I left him for her , he tried to be amicable with her too . She did not like this .

I cut all ties with him in the end and he collects and drops our son off but we don't talk anymore , but this still doesn't seem good enough for her .

My parents are not at all keen , they are old fashioned and also don't like the past violence and how she treats me at all .

Now she has become angry at me for not telling my parents about her , I try to explain its so difficult for them and myself , but she's really angry about it .

I tried to explain and do try to explain everything and I said that we should try to communicate more . Since I said this , she has gone on an angry rampage about my ex , my parents , me texting my friends , just everything .

She has been very low lately and I've done my upmost to help her , calling for doctors appointments, trying to get referrals for counselling , taking her to hospital as she was desperate , telling her she could stay in my home as long as she felt she needed .

Both substance abusers , I'm tablets , she is alcohol and tablets .

I have been using my new tools from therapy in the last 6 weeks . No rowing , reacting . This seems to have caused havoc .

She text to say she had taken an overdose in a flurry of angry text messages . I called an ambulance and went there also . She refused help and told them she had lied to me about OD because we had rowed . The police told me to go home and leave her as she seemed ok .

I have been checking on her via text since it happened and she's saying that she is in pain but ok .

The night the OD happened she told me not to be cruel and to let her die as she won't live life without me .

I cannot cope with any more of this , I love her dearly but know this relationship is surely beyond repair .

What do I do ?

She is convinced she has BPD and I agree and I'm trying to help , but she says I don't .

[Ceruleanblue]

Hugs to you. It sounds like an awful spot to be in. You are on the staying board, so are your intentions to leave, or work this out? It sounds like at least she is accepting that she may have BPD? That is a big step.

The tools to the right can be of big help. It's hard when you are both struggling with issues. It's hard staying with someone with BPD even when you are a strong, healthy person. I know I've struggled and developed some issues since dealing with it, and it has definitely set my anxiety levels off.