Feeling defeated

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

The "relationship" has been developing for 8 or 9 months, and has been falling apart since day one. It's over now, I know that it won't be what it was before and that it's not healthy for me. I can't seem to let it go. All of the things that were said, items exchanged, plans and commitments made with one another. And now I find myself waiting for a call that I know will never come. I feel broken. I know that I have good things going for me, but the fact that this "relationship" is over and will never be tears me apart. I suppose it doesn't help that one of my "friends" is now talking with him in the same way it started for me. Ahhh... .so broken

[portia77]

The "relationship" has been developing for 8 or 9 months, and has been falling apart since day one. It's over now, I know that it won't be what it was before and that it's not healthy for me. I can't seem to let it go. All of the things that were said, items exchanged, plans and commitments made with one another. And now I find myself waiting for a call that I know will never come. I feel broken. I know that I have good things going for me, but the fact that this "relationship" is over and will never be tears me apart. I suppose it doesn't help that one of my "friends" is now talking with him in the same way it started for me. Ahhh... .so broken

[cosmonaut]

Hi Portia



I think we can all understand how you are feeling right now.  The end of any relationship is a difficult time, but a BPD relationship is so much more so.  I can say personally it has been the worst, most painful experience of my life.  It's surreal how much it affected me.  That's what happens in relationships with such intense idealization and mirroring - we form an extremely loaded bond.  And when it breaks, it is agonizing.  I was in a crushing depression for months afterwards, and that's not uncommon here.  So, I can understand how much this hurts and how deeply it is affecting you.  I'm sorry you are going through this, but know that you are in good company.  We're all here to support you.

I also know how you feel about waiting for a call that never comes.  Have you had any contact at all with your ex since your breakup?  What happened at the end of your relationship that resulted in the breakup?  Was he the one that left?  If you'd like to share more of your story, I'd be interested in knowing more about what brings you here.

Please know that everyone here understands the pain you are going through.  You're not alone.