Hi rise_up,
it sounds a bit like hitting rock bottom and where things are heading who knows . I would hope for you that it is upwards wherever that is
Our world changed last week when my brother who lives far away got in a car wreck. I made plans to go see him and support his wife and 12 mo old while he undergoes surgery. (Remember SO and I are a same sex Couple... .my family doesn't accept us). Abandonment kicks in and SO loses it. She initially understood this situation but in a matter of 24 hrs, suddenly thought it was unthinkable that I would go and not invite her to let her support me. She didn't even ask how I wanted to be supported... .and made it about her. With all the years of feeling controlled, I stood my ground... .(I wonder if I did so too much). SO continued to lose it... .yelling/screaming... .so much that I exercised a boundary twice and left the house for 30 mins. She has yelled and slammed things before but this time seemed so different. She punched a hole in the wall, hit her head on the other wall, broke picture frames of us, grabbed my wedding ring and put it into the garbage disposal... .
This was unbelievable. I tried validating but didn't agree with her. She calmed down and I ended up getting on the flight. She said she is done.
Dealing with accidents, medical emergencies and the possibility of death can be overwhelming particularly for a pwBPD. With you "abandoning" her and focusing on your family it was more than she could cope with. Still it was the right thing to travel and part of her unraveling may well be an extinction burst.
I've been with my brother for 2 days in high stress with him. SO has called a few times saying she is going insane and is contemplating suicide. I can't believe it.
She is in the process of checking herself into an inpatient treatment program. So when I return, she will not be home.
Must have been scary for you to deal with long-distance suicidal ideations . It is good to see that she is reaching out for help and taking her mental stability a bit more into her own hands. That allows you to step back a bit and breath easier and focus on yourself.
But I want to plan my own healing too. I don't know if we will continue to stay married... .or take a break first... .or begin paths for divorce and then friendship... .or completely severing all ties.
I'm in uncharted territory I guess... .
You can not stay together if you can't properly take care of yourself. Which is more difficult with her drama but is ultimately limited by your commitment to yourself and your ability to follow through on it.
Your relationship certainly has reached unchartered waters . Use the change to put in a few key boundaries. One or two or three things you strongly believe need to stop now and where you are willing to take a stand - consequences accepted if needed.
Take good care of yourself - you were traveling and you got two big dramas ongoing in different parts of your family - that can get quite exhausting
