daughter dating and boyfriend confused and doesn't know

[mother of bpd daughter]

My daughter is 29 years old and just started dating a gentleman I really like.  It has been six weeks and she is stressed out and showing signs of anger and confusion toward him.  My older daughter talked with her boyfriend but didn't say she was BPD but emotionally dysregulated.  He is so confused as everything was going fine then suddenly he couldn't do anything right.  I don't know how to handle this situation.  Do I tell him... .not tell him?  Suggestions?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi mother of BPD daughter,

We are glad to have you here looking for answers.  I'm sorry that your daughter is triggered by this relationship.  People with BPD (pwBPD) sometimes feel "engulfed" when they get into serious relationships and begin to fear that they will lose their partner.

It is best not to triangulate, you will quickly move from rescuer  to persecutor if he did choose to leave the relationship now or in the future.  Our role as parents to adult children with BPD is to support and help our kids and that is best done directly.  If they came to you together to ask for help (not likely) it would be ok to share your ideas on what your daughter needs in the way of support (normalized), and not to share her diagnoses.

lbj