What do you tell others, without appearing crazy?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hey guys!

Something that nags at me time to time came up again yesterday. (2 things actually)

Someone asked me how I was doing post b/u. (A casual friend)

I got teary, choked up, as my immediate thoughts were indeed sadness.  I was clearly triggered by this persons kindness and struggled in my delivery, to provide and balance, a semi intimate honest response.

I rambled a bit about blended family dynamic difficulties, then unresolved divorce issues from his exW.  It all sounded so disorganized & confusing.  This is partly because it IS disorganized and confusing.  Also partly because I still have thoughts to sort for myself. 

... .And also because I was struggling to filter out info that I would only freely share here at BPDF, because I may sound crazy "out there." (Which leads me to another question I will ask)

So what do you guys say the reason you b/u is... .

When you are speaking with someone you are comfortable being genuine with, but want to avoid all the disorder dynamics/terminology? (as it is not practical to give the person an advanced psych degree)

Now maybe my next question belongs separate, however, it tied into this experience for me so... .

Don't you feel a sense of invalidation that the r/s is a "secret?" I'm not not sharing, to hide, or out of shame, or any issue of mine, however, it is just not practical to explain to a person in my life... .that is not from these boards... .the truth of my r/s experience with him.  (Unless it is a super close person to me... .or one with PD experience)

For me... .this is a HUGE FOO issue! A HUGE trigger always.  I have always felt triggered by... .

1. Secrets (they are a marinade for dysfunction)

2. Invalidating environments ... .saying one thing out loud and filtering my real thoughts... .felt like I was invalidating myself.

Can anyone relate?

_{(I have a standard answer when it is a casual acquaintance: Blending is a challenge, he had many unresolved issues from the exW that interfered with us moving forward together, kept coming up.  However, the person I was talking to was one that I can be a bit more genuine with)}

[Sunfl0wer]

Hey guys!

Something that nags at me time to time came up again yesterday. (2 things actually)

Someone asked me how I was doing post b/u. (A casual friend)

I got teary, choked up, as my immediate thoughts were indeed sadness.  I was clearly triggered by this persons kindness and struggled in my delivery, to provide and balance, a semi intimate honest response.

I rambled a bit about blended family dynamic difficulties, then unresolved divorce issues from his exW.  It all sounded so disorganized & confusing.  This is partly because it IS disorganized and confusing.  Also partly because I still have thoughts to sort for myself. 

... .And also because I was struggling to filter out info that I would only freely share here at BPDF, because I may sound crazy "out there." (Which leads me to another question I will ask)

So what do you guys say the reason you b/u is... .

When you are speaking with someone you are comfortable being genuine with, but want to avoid all the disorder dynamics/terminology? (as it is not practical to give the person an advanced psych degree)

Now maybe my next question belongs separate, however, it tied into this experience for me so... .

Don't you feel a sense of invalidation that the r/s is a "secret?" I'm not not sharing, to hide, or out of shame, or any issue of mine, however, it is just not practical to explain to a person in my life... .that is not from these boards... .the truth of my r/s experience with him.  (Unless it is a super close person to me... .or one with PD experience)

For me... .this is a HUGE FOO issue! A HUGE trigger always.  I have always felt triggered by... .

1. Secrets (they are a marinade for dysfunction)

2. Invalidating environments ... .saying one thing out loud and filtering my real thoughts... .felt like I was invalidating myself.

Can anyone relate?

_{(I have a standard answer when it is a casual acquaintance: Blending is a challenge, he had many unresolved issues from the exW that interfered with us moving forward together, kept coming up.  However, the person I was talking to was one that I can be a bit more genuine with)}

[DyingLove]

Hey guys!

Something that nags at me time to time came up again yesterday. (2 things actually)

Someone asked me how I was doing post b/u. (A casual friend)

I got teary, choked up, as my immediate thoughts were indeed sadness.  I was clearly triggered by this persons kindness and struggled in my delivery, to provide and balance, a semi intimate honest response.

I rambled a bit about blended family dynamic difficulties, then unresolved divorce issues from his exW.  It all sounded so disorganized & confusing.  This is partly because it IS disorganized and confusing.  Also partly because I still have thoughts to sort for myself. 

... .And also because I was struggling to filter out info that I would only freely share here at BPDF, because I may sound crazy "out there." (Which leads me to another question I will ask)

So what do you guys say the reason you b/u is... .

When you are speaking with someone you are comfortable being genuine with, but want to avoid all the disorder dynamics/terminology? (as it is not practical to give the person an advanced psych degree)

Now maybe my next question belongs separate, however, it tied into this experience for me so... .

Don't you feel a sense of invalidation that the r/s is a "secret?" I'm not not sharing, to hide, or out of shame, or any issue of mine, however, it is just not practical to explain to a person in my life... .that is not from these boards... .the truth of my r/s experience with him.  (Unless it is a super close person to me... .or one with PD experience)

For me... .this is a HUGE FOO issue! A HUGE trigger always.  I have always felt triggered by... .

1. Secrets (they are a marinade for dysfunction)

2. Invalidating environments ... .saying one thing out loud and filtering my real thoughts... .felt like I was invalidating myself.

Can anyone relate?

_{(I have a standard answer when it is a casual acquaintance: Blending is a challenge, he had many unresolved issues from the exW that interfered with us moving forward together, kept coming up.  However, the person I was talking to was one that I can be a bit more genuine with)}

It's early, the mind isn't working fully, but I certainly relate to the initial part of your post:

Someone asked me how I was doing post b/u. (A casual friend)

I got teary, choked up, as my immediate thoughts were indeed sadness.  I was clearly triggered by this persons kindness and struggled in my delivery, to provide and balance, a semi intimate honest response.

Happens to me all the time, and it happens just by what I think too.  Wish I could turn it off. Lately the tears do not struggle, they run like a faucet.

You're not alone Sunflower.   

[Mutt]

Hi Sunfl0wer,

I can understand how frustrating that is when you are trying to explain your experience with people that are close to you. I agree with DyingLove it's early.

The break-up for me was a traumatic event and I found myself turning to friends and family members for support and trying to explain my experience. I felt shell-shocked. I felt like I was trying to make the other person understand by almost explaining things with two different perspectives. One that a healthy person should understand and then explaining it again from the perspective of a disordered person. It was frustrating to explain. I'm not sure if this is similar to what you are experiencing. I felt like I sounded like a crazy person.

My marriage was mine and I decided that it's not for me to explain my marriage that I had with my ex partner disordered or not. It was my marriage and my business as bad as my marriage was. I vented a lot of my experience here in the boards and feel like we're all talking the same language and can empathize because we went through it. It really helped me to get my story out and share here.

Further a long in my healing I didn't feel like I had the need to explain to loved ones and I do sometimes get questions regarding my ex. She's not diagnosed and I don't think that I should have the responsibility to explain her behaviors or impairments. I explain it in a way that I think that people can digest a little easier and I sometimes say she's a high-conflict personality (HCP) and some people are simply high conflict. I say "some people are just like that and high-conflict"  it's worked for me everytime I had the need to give something because her behavior may make people question. I don't get pressed for more information when I say high conflict. I don't have to explain the intricacies of a complex disorder.  I hope that helps.

[valet]

I have accepted the disorder.

I'm not worried about sounding crazy. It is a negative, subjective terminology applied only to people that were subjected to things that humans shouldn't be subjected to.

I love my ex the same, but things can never be the same again.

[ADecadeLost]

So what do you guys say the reason you b/u is... .

Early on, I really didn't speak with many people about my separation and impending divorce.  It was emotionally triggering for me just as it has been for you. (There were actually certain friends I opened up to later than others as I knew I couldn't handle the ones who would be overly concerned for me.)  As time has passed though, and I've become more open about the situation with people around me, I've come up with three responses depending on how comfortable I am with the person:

(1) Family/closest of friends - I've been completely honest.  Not so far as explaining BPD, but about the general issues.  They knew her well enough, for long enough, that none of the things I can share will surprise them.  To a degree my ex was open with many of them about her condition.  They care(d) about her as I do (did), but were not blind to her issues.  They just chose to overlook them, because I was willing to. 

(2) Close friends - I leave out most of the "crazy."  I just simply explain that she was the type of person that struggled to find happiness in life, and was always looking for an outside force to blame for what she saw as the "unfairness" in her life.  Eventually, she ran out of other things to blame and decided that it was the place we live and by association me.  I tried, but after two years of this, she decided that she had to leave.

(3) Acquaintances/others - I keep it as simple as possible.  "She missed home and it eventually became too much for her."  This is in itself a true statement.  She grew up outside the US and the pull to return home played a role.  It simply leaves out all the messy details and underlying issues at hand.

[Sunfl0wer]

Thank you for the support DyingYoung!

I'm not really concerned about this stirring up emotion, however, I mention the emotion as I recognize this is an indicator to me of something I need to work on, as the interaction was a bit of a trigger for me.

Hugs and understanding, still very appreciated!

[jhkbuzz]

There are many people who I've never explained the breakup to - I tend to be private, and I really don't want to "badmouth" her - so I don't tell the story to most.  However, with my very closest friends and family I've told the truth - she had mental health issues that made a r/s impossible at the present time.  It is, I agree, very very difficult to explain the r/s dynamics to someone who has never experienced a r/s with someone who is personality disordered.  I only tried to explain to THAT degree to two or three people, and it was a confusing conversation for them.  I found it much easier to simply  talk in depth with my T, since I don't have to explain anything.

[jhkbuzz]

Thank you for the support DyingYoung!

I'm not really concerned about this stirring up emotion, however, I mention the emotion as I recognize this is an indicator to me of something I need to work on, as the interaction was a bit of a trigger for me.

Perhaps you're still grieving?  There were times that I couldn't have talked about the breakup without tears; but I can now.

[Sunfl0wer]

Mutt,

One that a healthy person should understand and then explaining it again from the perspective of a disordered person. It was frustrating to explain. I'm not sure if this is similar to what you are experiencing. I felt like I sounded like a crazy person.

Exactly!

I do not have many family and friends that I can share this with.  That is probably contributing to my emotion to her, I have not had much of any "real life" experience to process this with anyone... .well... .one person a while ago. :/.

I guess part of my struggle was that I was grateful this person was reaching out, and I did want to share some with her.  My struggle was that I felt I couldn't get any sentences out that made sense to anyone that is not from this site! 

Humm... .the high conflict statement wouldn't work for me.  It doesn't feel accurate... .he was greatly ST vs confrontational.  It would look like I was mad to explain how my jovial, fun loving guy was really causing conflict.  Although, once, a neighbor caught me moving some things... .asked about exBF, what he was up to, why was he gone... .  I did admit, yea, he IS great... .with everyone.  People are often different behind closed doors.  She got my point.

I do want to be able to speak about things if someone I trust reaches out.  I don't want to paint him black in my story.  I do want to take the opportunity to explain a bit of the dynamic in a simple way that someone not from this site could understand.  Like you said, easy to digest.

I'll keep thinking on it.

[Sunfl0wer]

Valet,

I accept my partner had traits and disordered behaviors.  I usually do not think: "he is disordered" It may be that he is less severe than others, mostly functioning all areas except in the home life area.

I have cPTSD, to simply say it didn't work out because he is disordered, then I would have to truthfully say we are disordered.  That does not feel the truth to me.  I do feel that I am capable of a healthy r/s, he possibly is too (albeit, under some really specific circumstances  ), I have not determined otherwise.

All I know is that I ended up being a trigger for him, and him me.  Maybe if his exW didn't torment us? Maybe if... .? If we entered the r/s with no kids?  Idk... .I have just told people that I felt he wasn't truly ready and available for a full r/s the way I wanted... .since he was so recently divorced. 

[Mutt]

I don't want to paint him black in my story.

I hope that you get it sorted out. I can understand not wanting to split your ex black. There are two sides to a medallion. She thinks in all or nothing and I have experienced how destructive dichotomous thinking can be. I see some behaviors with people sometimes by way of subconsciously triangulating. I'm aware and try not to triangulate my ex partner, I detest conflict and drama.

I had a long history with my ex-partner and it was not always idealization and devaluation. She is a person that has good qualities about her. She likes to volunteer time, is thoughtful and caring. I think of the moments where things were not so tumultuous in our r/s as the person that I fell in love with; not behaviors driven by BPD.

[Sunfl0wer]

Jhkbuzz,

Like you, I do not want to sound bad mouthing... .even tho some of my responses did, I prefer they be less blame sounding.

Yes, I am still grieving, that is part of it.

However, something else as well... .

The trigger of feeling invalidated by the experience.  As I was speaking, it felt like I was being dishonest.  Presenting reality one way... .different than what I am experiencing is a huge trigger to me.  Now that I think about it... .this is why I began to withdraw from hanging out with his friends anymore.  As the r/s was breaking down, this felt like a lie to me... .so I stopped going to his events.  I also stopped going to my own.  He never made steps to isolate me, I did that myself... .to not feel like I was presenting a lie to others.

So anyway... .that was a bit of a tangent... .

I may need to do a separate post for that bit... .idk if anyone will understand.

So how it ties into FOO issue is:

They were all abusive.  They pretended to one another and to the world that they weren't, they normalized to cope.

When I am speaking with someone I trust and want to share with... .I want a way to do it that doesn't normalize an experience that I do not want to communicate was normal!  But I can't... .because unless the person I'm speaking to has disordered experience... .they will be baffled!

Make sense jhkbuzz?  Lol I'm counting on you to follow that line of thinking to something!

[jhkbuzz]

Jhkbuzz,

However, something else as well... .

The trigger of feeling invalidated by the experience.  As I was speaking, it felt like I was being dishonest.  Presenting reality one way... .different than what I am experiencing is a huge trigger to me.  Now that I think about it... .this is why I began to withdraw from hanging out with his friends anymore.  As the r/s was breaking down, this felt like a lie to me... .so I stopped going to his events.  I also stopped going to my own.  He never made steps to isolate me, I did that myself... .to not feel like I was presenting a lie to others.

I understand that ^ well.  Towards the end of the r/s I felt like I was "lying by omission."  For some reason, I felt the need to hide her increasingly chaotic and destructive behavior even from her own family.  I think it was, in part, for selfish reasons... .her family viewed me as the person who helped her get her life together; how could I tell them that she was falling apart again? I also didn't want anyone to think badly of her because i loved her.

So how it ties into FOO issue is:

They were all abusive.  They pretended to one another and to the world that they weren't, they normalized to cope.

When I am speaking with someone I trust and want to share with... .I want a way to do it that doesn't normalize an experience that I do not want to communicate was normal!  But I can't... .because unless the person I'm speaking to has disordered experience... .they will be baffled!

Make sense jhkbuzz?  Lol I'm counting on you to follow that line of thinking to something!

I understand that too - I came to accept that it is nearly impossible to communicate the depth of pain and despair I felt as a result of being in a r/s with a personality disordered s/o to anyone other than my T. Since she has years of psychotherapy experience, she has treated many pw BPD, DID, etc. - so she obviously "gets" it.  I came up with my "one liner" explanation for people I wanted to offer an explanation to, and simply don't share it with others.

I don't know if any of that ^ is a good way to handle things, but that's what i came up with!

[Sunfl0wer]

Ok thanks guys!

I think what I'm getting out of this is... .

It IS important for me to have a voice, be able to tell my story in an honest genuine way.  I think I need to "frame" the whole experience for my own closure and processing.  I may need to just journal or something to meet this desire of mine, as I may not be able to do this with a live person.

I still want to look into the FOO issue of invalidating environments being a trigger for me. (I feel this recent interaction surfaced it again) This was a HUGE trigger with the ex for me.  Watching him "pretend" all the time drove me nuts! (He was Mr. HappyNarcisist often) I can't imagine how this could not be a trigger.  It seems safer to be triggered by invalidating environments vs normalizing them.  I suppose I can not feel so emotionally undone, rather observe the situation in these conditions.

*sigh* getting myself sleepy now! Lol!

[jhkbuzz]

Ok thanks guys!

I think what I'm getting out of this is... .

It IS important for me to have a voice, be able to tell my story in an honest genuine way.  I think I need to "frame" the whole experience for my own closure and processing.  I may need to just journal or something to meet this desire of mine, as I may not be able to do this with a live person.

I still want to look into the FOO issue of invalidating environments being a trigger for me. (I feel this recent interaction surfaced it again) This was a HUGE trigger with the ex for me.  Watching him "pretend" all the time drove me nuts! (He was Mr. HappyNarcisist often) I can't imagine how this could not be a trigger.  It seems safer to be triggered by invalidating environments vs normalizing them.  I suppose I can not feel so emotionally undone, rather observe the situation in these conditions.

*sigh* getting myself sleepy now! Lol!

Yes - I was thinking about your "voice" as I was posting my last message.  I've come to understand the concept of validation since finding these boards - and how important it is. I understand now that I was invalidating to my ex quite often - it arose from the fact that we had wildly different perceptions of reality. Through these boards I understand that it is possible to be validating even if you disagree with someone. I will definitely work on this  in my next r/s.

I've found my voice and my validation on these boards and with my T.  I came to understand that it's sort of difficult for people that have not had our experience to be validating - through no fault of their own.

Are you seeing a T?

[disillusionedandsore]

I've said

"We were making each other miserable"

"There were too many arguments"

"I found him out in a lie"

"He is a bit of a street angel house devil"

"He had some mental health issues to deal with"

"He was acting out and often paranoid"

Mostly I don't say anything outside of therapeutic settings,  for all the reasons described above... .I'm aware that I can come across as sounding like I have no faults or am maybe hiding something.  I have tried to explain to about 6 people in 10 months... .I end up feeling bad like I am being unjust or simply gossiping... .I know I am not but it feels wrong so I dont mention it unless I am 'cornered'

[Infared]

I just told people that she was mentally unbalanced, extremely self-centered, dishonest and cruel. That about covered it.

People can believe all of her lies, manipulations and victimhood.

Quite honestly I don't care.

I know the truth.

[going places]

So what do you guys say the reason you b/u is... .

"He's just really a bad dude", and I change the subject.

I have people I have not talked to IN YEARS, trying to "face book" friend me so they can find out "the dirt" on my divorce.

I have deleted their request.

THIS is ONE of the reason's why I am moving 5 states away.

I don't want to talk about it.

*I* know the truth. GOD saw, and know's the truth.

My kids, know enough truth... .I don't give a ratsass what anyone else thinks.

It's none of their business.

Now maybe my next question belongs separate, however, it tied into this experience for me so... .

Don't you feel a sense of invalidation that the r/s is a "secret?"

No. Not today I do not feel invalidated.

At first, I wanted no one to know what he did. It was embarrassing.

THEN I wanted EVERYONE to know what he did... .because I was getting blamed for everything (Standard Operating Proceedure for my N / ASPD exh)

Finally, I came to the place where; *I* know the truth. God saw, and HE knows the truth.

My kids know enough truth, to know the truth, and the rest of the world can go pound sand.

I don't give a ratsass what they think.

[UserName69]

We never had mutual friends. She always told me that she wanted me to get to know her friends better, to be honest I really didn't care about them. They're not the kind of people I would hang around with. I know she has been talking bad about my back, I really don't care because I don't know them. One day they will realize how she is. She has done the same with her exbf, soon or late God will punish her on in this life or in the other. I know the truth, I know what really happened. I really don't care what her side thinks about me. I only have to care about myself.

I have been dating an another girl now, she was the one who told me about BPD when I told her about my previous relationship. This could be a sign of God that me and my exBPD never should be together.

[nowwhatz]

well sunfl0wer

nobody outside of this website has even the slightest knowlege of what I went through and am going through today.   even my close friends think I am fine and just had  abreak up with a difficult exgf, that I always would take back.

usually if I am asked I respond with some humor or joke about it.

Not to long ago a check out person at the grocery store asked ¨where is your gorgeous girlfriend¨ and I just said she´s not here. Then I got a little misty eyed.

so I guess I just dismiss it all and don´t tell others much of anything and live day to day, wake up angry or sad after the bad dreams  and try to survive.

[nowwhatz]

I just told people that she was mentally unbalanced, extremely self-centered, dishonest and cruel. That about covered it.

People can believe all of her lies, manipulations and victimhood.

Quite honestly I don't care.

I know the truth.

That about covers it concerning my exgf. a perfect description... .only thing I could add would be and she is a criminal.

If I told people the truth like that then the questions might come in... .why did you keep taking her back. why did you stay with he etc... .why would you love a criminal_... .makes me look crazy.

[neverloveagain]

her family viewed me as the person who helped her get her life together; how could I tell them that she was falling apart again?

.

The circle continues.

[Infared]

I just told people that she was mentally unbalanced, extremely self-centered, dishonest and cruel. That about covered it.

People can believe all of her lies, manipulations and victimhood.

Quite honestly I don't care.

I know the truth.

That about covers it concerning my exgf. a perfect description... .only thing I could add would be and she is a criminal.

If I told people the truth like that then the questions might come in... .why did you keep taking her back. why did you stay with he etc... .why would you love a criminal_... .makes me look crazy.

We were taken in by their beauty, the positive parts of their personality (there were many) and the seduction. I did not know anything about BPD during my relationship or during the abandonment of me),  so I did the best that I could.  I had similar comments said to me nowwhatz, and quite honestly I was left speechless like a man who has had the carpet pulled out from under him. There is no explaining it. Her beauty and manipulations fooled everyone,

I just watched a Dateline last night in which  the woman (offender), reminded me of the way my ex behaved.  She had EVERYONE in her life just wrapped around her finger, her significant other,  her family, her friends,  (it was a totally inappropriate teacher student relationship where SHE was breaking the law. My logistics were nothing like that, but the fantasy behavior of the woman was so similar to what I experienced),.  ... .but her "game" did not survive the scrutiny of the court. (As my ex's game would not have). There were mountains of evidence that she was in an inappropriate love relation, undeniable evidence, yet (of course she was young and beautiful, I believe a waif), she just kept playing victim to mommy , to daddy, to her siblings, to her friends, to her partner (she said he forced her to be in the relationship, I was utterly ridiculous).

She made the fatal mistake of running "her game" on the court.  I believe it had worked soo well for her for 33 years that she just had no other play... .this was her coping mechanism for life. She almost got away with it, too as I think that her pretty, innocent hurt- bird assertions and all the tears  (fake to make others have sympathy for her) even swayed "some" of the jurors... .but in the end, the court saw the truth of all her lies, manipulations and self-centered sickness and gave her 8-25 years.  There was just a mountain of concrete evidence against her. The funny thing was, she had an opportunity to admit her actions, take a plea, and would have done 2 months in jail... .but her sickness was so great that she just thought she could convince the whole world the the story was the way she was play-acting it to be.  It was sad and sick to watch her get hung in her own petard.

My ex acted like that with everyone and seduced them. I could see it in the end... .I was the one that clearly had all the info and facts to own what was going on... .but I would just be chasing windmills to get anyone to see the truth... .she had everyone convinced that I was a bogey ma, (while she was lying and cheating and getting away with all the things she always had).  But my ex did not break the law and she just continues to run her game on everyone. If I try to explain all that, me being the man and her the waif-like female victim I am just wasting my time... .people are going to believe her lies and manipulations ( just turn on the tears and the pretty victimhood)... .there is no fighting that in our society. My ex even had her therapist wrapped around her finger (how sick is tha?) People WANT o believe it.  I definitely was the victim... .but I lose.

All I can do is pick up the pieces and move forward. (The fantasy of judge and jury scrutiny does give me a little smile though).

[Infared]

I just told people that she was mentally unbalanced, extremely self-centered, dishonest and cruel. That about covered it.

People can believe all of her lies, manipulations and victimhood.

Quite honestly I don't care.

I know the truth.

That about covers it concerning my exgf. a perfect description... .only thing I could add would be and she is a criminal.

If I told people the truth like that then the questions might come in... .why did you keep taking her back. why did you stay with he etc... .why would you love a criminal_... .makes me look crazy.

We were taken in by their beauty, the positive parts of their personality (there were many) and the seduction. I did not know anything about BPD during my relationship or during the abandonment of me),  so I did the best that I could.  I had similar comments said to me nowwhatz, and quite honestly I was left speechless like a man who has had the carpet pulled out from under him. There is no explaining it. Her beauty and manipulations fooled everyone,

I just watched a Dateline last night in which  the woman (offender), reminded me of the way my ex behaved.  She had EVERYONE in her life just wrapped around her finger, her significant other,  her family, her friends,  (it was a totally inappropriate teacher student relationship where SHE was breaking the law. My logistics were nothing like that, but the fantasy behavior of the woman was so similar to what I experienced),.  ... .but her "game" did not survive the scrutiny of the court. (As my ex's game would not have). There were mountains of evidence that she was in an inappropriate love relation, undeniable evidence, yet (of course she was young and beautiful, I believe a waif), she just kept playing victim to mommy , to daddy, to her siblings, to her friends, to her partner (she said he forced her to be in the relationship, It was utterly ridiculous, yet the people in her life bought her BS, she was very GOOD at it... .very good).

She made the fatal mistake of running "her game" on the court.  I believe it had worked soo well for her for 33 years that she just had no other play... .this was her coping mechanism for life. She almost got away with it, too as I think that her pretty, innocent hurt- bird assertions and all the tears  (fake to make others have sympathy for her) even swayed "some" of the jurors... .but in the end, the court saw the truth of all her lies, manipulations and self-centered sickness and gave her 8-25 years.  There was just a mountain of concrete evidence against her. The funny thing was, she had an opportunity to admit her actions, take a plea, and would have done 2 months in jail... .but her sickness was so great that she just thought she could convince the whole world the the story was the way she was play-acting it to be.  It was sad and sick to watch her get hung in her own petard.

My ex acted like that with everyone and seduced them. I could see it in the end... .I was the one that clearly had all the info and facts to own what was going on... .but I would just be chasing windmills to get anyone to see the truth... .she had everyone convinced that I was a bogey man, (while she was lying and cheating and getting away with all the things she always had).  But my ex did not break the law and she just continues to run her game on everyone. If I try to explain all that, me being the man and her the waif-like female victim I am just wasting my time... .people are going to believe her lies and manipulations ( just turn on the tears and the pretty victimhood)... .there is no fighting that in our society. My ex even had her therapist wrapped around her finger (how sick is that?) People WANT to believe it.  I definitely was the victim... .but I lose.  She roared thru my life like a tornado and spit me out when she found a new toy.

All I can do is pick up the pieces and move forward. (The fantasy of judge and jury scrutiny does give me a little smile though).